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MARYJB67
Newbie

Reged: 12/10/12
Posts: 3
WHY DON`T PARENT`S TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN THAT ARE HIV+
      #269731 - 12/19/12 07:26 PM

I`AM CONFUSED ABOUT WHY DON`T SOME PARENT TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN WHO ARE AFFECTED WITH THIS DISEASE BECAUSE I`VE A MOTHER THAT DOESN`T TALK ABOUT THE ISSUE OR GO INTO THE HEALTH DEPT WITH ME EITHER BUT SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THE DOCTOR SAY OR WHAT MY RESULTS ARE WHEN GO FOR THEM . SO I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY DOES SOME ACT LIKE THEY CARE WHAT`S GOING WITH YOU BUT,THEY WANT GO INSIDE WITH YOU WHEN IT`S TIME TO SEE THE DOCTOR.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1653
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: WHY DON`T PARENT`S TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN THAT ARE HIV+ new
      #269732 - 12/19/12 07:53 PM

Fear is a big monster that hides in many rooms. Perhaps your mom is afraid of becoming overwhelmed or,, and this is going to sound terrible, shes afraid of who she might run into at the health dept. Afraid of who may see her . Let me try to show you this comparison . It's easier to read about terrible things in the newspaper than to be the one that actually living in what the article is about. Sorta like the cliche" " That could never happen to me " And the more one can keep their head in the sand the safer they feel . But don't get resentful over how she handles it. She loves you and the fact that she does want to know how your appt went is more than what many people have. Some have no suport family or friends at all. Don't you believe that yor mom is actually scared that she will lose you . And we kow that is so far from how it really is but in her mind she could be scared. Just continue to give her updates and perhaps someday in the future when she sees the same report over and over she may want to meet your doctor. Just keep it in prayer. There is power in prayer when you truly believe with all your heart and soul.

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kicker
Moderator

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1016
Loc: GA, USA
Re: WHY DON`T PARENT`S TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN THAT ARE HIV+ new
      #269733 - 12/19/12 07:53 PM

Time to whip out the old Italian guilt trip handbook.

Next time you have an appt tell her that you understand how difficult and embarrassing it might be for her to go with you but you could really use the support that she has provided all these yrs raising you and that you could really use her strength and knowledge now.

Give it a moment then let her respond. If she responds with anything but a whole hearted dedication to going with you great hold her to it. If she doesn't. Don't cry. No need to. She isn't as strong or as supportive as you need so find someone who is. When she asks about your appt simply say, "The appt went well." And leave it at that.

I speak from experience. My mom was more concerned about what people would think about her than how I was doing. Never asked if I was ok. Never once showed any concern. And the only time she even brought it up was to say that I better make arrangements for my care cause she wasn't gonna be there when I got sick (meaning dying). So I did her a favor. I wrote her off and moved as far as I could with no forwarding address and a number change. Found my own support and am doing a lot better than I would be if I had stayed and continued to try to bleed a stone.

Just my take on it. I'm sure people will say how wrong or cold hearted it is that she is my mom I should respect her etc etc. but when it boils down to it. You have one chance in this life. Why surround yourself with people that can't give you what you need but only what they want? If you feel like the dog under the dinner table begging for scraps then chances are you will always only get what they want to give you.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1653
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: WHY DON`T PARENT`S TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN THAT ARE HIV+ new
      #269734 - 12/19/12 07:59 PM

So now you see May different ways that can be used. I am the more easy softer route whereas Kicker is the stern down to the facts type . Thats why your handle fits soo well KICKER. lol Which way is right for you we are sure you will figure out.

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alive2
Guardian

Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: WHY DON`T PARENT`S TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN THAT ARE HIV+ new
      #269775 - 12/21/12 04:57 PM

i think they may be scared of actually facing the reality of the whole situation. me, i told my kids plenty, and talked about safe sex, condoms the works(at least the 2 older ones so far.
and when the older people hear hiv/aids they fear its the death sentence it used to be and they may be affraid of the full gravity of it. i think the best is to let them take their time and ease into it at their own pace so long as their pace isnt idle mode. hope this helped you.take care

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