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Reged: 08/17/10
Posts: 6
A truly vicious circle.
      #251777 - 08/23/10 09:46 PM

Well, it seems to me that my good deed(s) has gone unappreciated, as usual. My best friend of 5 years was diagnosed two weeks ago. Upon him being diagnosed I dropped everything and became his support system. I remembered what it was like when I was diagnosed and had NO ONE and didn't want anyone, especially someone I care about to go threw the same thing.

By burying myself in his most recent drama (along with so much more that isn't relateable here) it helped me finally accept my own diagnoses from five years ago. But now, I have been kicked to the curb and am no longer needed. He has turned to other friends who have no experience in this disease. He has turned to friends who turned their backs on him because they had other more important things to tend to at the time, but now have a moment. I wonder if it's just the way society has become or if it is only the select few that I have been ignorant enough to allow into my life? Is a good deed really so excusable that people don't take a second look at it?

Sigh...I am now beginning to understand why so many in our community have become so bitter, angry, distrusting and shut in. I see so little in humanity that makes me want to be accessible to the outside. Being a good person, or at least trying to be a good person, just isn't worth it any more. My attempt to save someone from a hurt that I experienced has only led to another type of pain that I wouldn't wish upon someone else. A truly vicious circle.

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Reged: 06/18/09
Posts: 323
Loc: Georgia
Re: A truly vicious circle. new
      #251827 - 08/26/10 10:39 PM

Nibbler, You're doing a great thing by being there for your friend, but you may be overwhelming him. You've had 5 years to adjust to having this disease. Your friend hasn't. He needs time and patience. Be there for him when he realizes that you're offering to help. But, don't be in his face every day.

He may adjust. He may not. Chances are that if the two of you were friends before you probably have similar traits that means he will.

Despite the fact that HIV is no longer an instant death sentance many people still find it probably the biggest blow in their life. In reality it isn't something that anyone can get over. We learn to live with it. And, not overnight.

Your friend is going through some denial. Common when presented with life changing information. He's seeking input from people who have denied him in the past, so that he can take their denial and make it his. Let him do this for a time. As long as he's not turning his back on his healthcare I suspect things will eventually return to something that approaches "normal". But, you also have to be ready for the possibility that he may never again seek your friendship. Don't hate him for this. Accept it as life ever changing.

And, take your strength in needing/wanting to help others and channel it into other productive venues. No matter where you live I'm almost positive there are organizations that can use volunteers. Maybe not in the field of HIV but someone out there would appreciate your wanting to help.

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Reged: 08/26/10
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Re: A truly vicious circle. new
      #251828 - 08/27/10 12:15 AM

I also feel the way you do about people shutting me out of their lives or if not that they use me.

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