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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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rsmithson
Newbie

Reged: 07/31/13
Posts: 11
I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL
      #274381 - 11/14/13 08:17 PM

I have to say that since finding out, my life has changed and my attitude was positive. Until I met my boyfriend, who is negative.... since that day I have been so scared. I cant make love to him because I am so scared that I might infect him. I feel so incomplete and useless. I feel like less of a man. He said he wants to take the chance with me, because I am different. But all this is taking me into a deep depression. This last week all I have done is cry and cry. So I am lost. I do not know what I am feeling or why... Everything has a black cloud over it. I am trying to pull out but for every step I make it seems I fall back 2. All I want is to love him and take care of him..... but all I seem to be doing is push him away. Help I do not want to lose him he is the best.

--------------------
7/31 CD4- 5 VL 410,000
8/19 started ART

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Angel_Ronnie
Guru

Reged: 06/01/06
Posts: 256
Loc: Gauteng, South Africa
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #274383 - 11/14/13 11:03 PM

As they say time heal all wounds. You need to give yourself time to adjust with the virus and you don't have to put your life or your love on hold just because of it. You met someone that is seeing you for the person you are, don't allow your thoughts and doubts to distance yourself from him, he wants to be with you and prepared to make a life partnership with someone he loves and cares for.

Also allow yourself the time to get through the stages of grief but share your thoughts and fears with him but allow him in to be part of your recovery.

Your life can still be positive it is how you have stand infront of the mirror and tell yourself that you are the same person with the same personality and attitude the only difference is you have a small issue that is forcing you now to focus on who you really are and that life will be the same with him.

be good to yourself and you deserve all the love in the world even that of your partner.


--------------------
"Live for today, because what you do today is what you use to make your future"

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 369
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #274385 - 11/15/13 12:14 AM

You need to pull back the reins and just start enjoying the ride. Why rush into "making love", you have him, he loves and cares for you ... work together on becoming an intimate couple. He understands, when you are ready, he will be ready. A relationship is way more then just sex sex sex, be thrilled in the fact you found someone, he loves you for you, and just take the relationship one moment at a time.

Like the best dinner you ever ate, savour it, don't just rush for dessert. You mention "all I want is to love him and take care of him" ... then do that or do you mean "all you want to do is have intmate relations with him" ... find your priorities! Enjoy!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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1hotjamie4u
Newbie

Reged: 11/28/12
Posts: 3
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #274423 - 11/27/13 12:37 AM

Hey, I understand how you feel, you don't want to risk infecting the best man you've ever met! However, if you consult your doctor, you can almost eliminate that risk:
1. You need to check that you don't have any STIs or if you do, get them treated. STIs increase the risk of passing on HIV.
2. You don't say whether you're on antiretrovirals, but if your viral load is undetectable, then that dramatically reduces the risk of infecting your bf. If you're not already undetectable, talk to your doctor about your medication(s).
3. Practice safe sex with him, i.e. always use a condom and water-based lube. Correctly used, with plenty of lube, means the risk of breaking is very small.
4. If you're still really worried about his health, you can talk to him about him going on pRep, but personally I don't think this is necessary.
5. Talk to your bf about your concerns, and listen carefully to his reassurances. If you follow 1-4 above, the risk of you infecting him is extremely small.
Finally, if the above doesn't work for you, consider some counselling; it may help to have someone independent to challenge your thinking!
Good luck.

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rowusa1
Newbie

Reged: 01/26/12
Posts: 3
Loc: New Haven, CT
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #274537 - 12/23/13 05:49 PM

Hey there, I agree with 1hotjamie4u. Even if you are not yet undetectable, you can still have sex safely with your negative bf. I have been doing that with my bf of 3 years now. Yes we go through condoms and lube like crazy but he's still negative and we still have a healthy sex life. Talk to your bf, listen to him, be safe and relax a little. There are tons of serodiscordant couples in the world and they remain that way when they use condoms and lube correctly each time.

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Whatsup
Newbie

Reged: 01/27/14
Posts: 2
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #275080 - 01/27/14 09:58 PM

II havnt been in this situation When I found out I was embaressed ashamed with drew from life tryed to commit suicide But I was truely all alone friends and family turnd thier backs disownd me Still today they want pet my puppy cause I got blood on his fur and he dosent understand its heart breaking

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Whatsup
Newbie

Reged: 01/27/14
Posts: 2
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #275081 - 01/27/14 10:00 PM

You have someone Talk it out Talk to your doctor Dont wind up like me PLEASE

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 369
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL new
      #275201 - 02/01/14 12:41 PM

Whatsup ... Whatsup? Hey I see your a new poster on the body, welcome, you should come and talk with us more often. I see you have been having issues in being accepted even right down to your family, that is sad and difficult, remember though you do have us here. We might not get to see you in person, but we are here online waiting and hoping to hear your story, share in your journey. It's a great place!

It is important to search out someone to talk about regarding HIV, especially when your having acceptance problems from not only family and friends but from yourself. Be kind to yourself, be understanding of yourself and be honest with yourself. Being HIV positive is not the end of the world, it can be a new beginning, a chance to reflect and become the person we always wanted to be!

You've found us now, please feel free to come and talk anytime, your not alone anymore!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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