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HIV Life >> Gay Men

Pages: 1

Reged: 06/29/06
Posts: 33
Loc: minnesota
How do YOU do it?
      #248784 - 12/15/09 12:28 AM

Wow going on 4 years poz now. Found out at 23 and how life has changed... Thought I would die, never have kids, never find love or happiness... Now I'm doing well. I'm mostly happy... don't dwell on HIV and honestly hardly think about it at all...Just living my life best I can... My question comes from disclosure. I've only told 1 person this whole time that I'm poz. (I mean of course ive told any past sexual partners and potential current ones but no family or friends) Its hard but I also feel that I dont want it to define me, or to see that look of pity or what have you in others eyes. I know I shouldnt worry about what they think but as we all know when disclosing half the time you have to comfort the other person... jeez! So many days I want to scream it from the roof tops and just have it known as fact and that be that. I know I shouldnt hide it and its not that I feel ashamed.. Its just hard with all this bs stigma. I'm in the midwest and there isnt alot of openness about HIV. So how do you deal with it? Do you just scream it out and thats who you are or are you quite about it as I am or what? Im just curiours to know how others deal with disclosing, stigma... all that stuff and how and where to find the strength to go onto the next chapter of this life.. Thx and god bless all!

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Reged: 11/20/09
Posts: 1
Re: How do YOU do it? new
      #248810 - 12/17/09 06:16 PM

Im going on 4 years and I live in the mid-west, also. My parents and siblings know and have been supportive. I told one Aunt and I haven't heard from her since. I've decided not to tell anyone unless they ask (or I am interested in them, sexually). Noone else "needs" to know. If I had herpes, I wouldn't tell anyone, so why would I with hiv?

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Reged: 06/18/09
Posts: 5
Loc: Rochester, New York, USA
Re: How do YOU do it? new
      #248812 - 12/17/09 09:11 PM

The stress around disclosure is very difficult for a lot of people. Once you tell someone, you have lost control of who will and can find out. It took my partner weeks before he could tell me and when he did the first words out of his mouth were "I have something difficult to tell you and there door is over there and if you walk out I will understand....
Well 12 years later I am still there and have NEVER been happier.

He had been rejected so many times he was use to people just walking out. Since that night I have become educated and I do training with people of high risk. There is a program that a lot of agencies do called "Healthy Relsationships" it deals with the stress around disclosure to friends and family, sexual partner, and if you can't disclose it also offers safe sex pratices. You can try to find where and when the next series of the intervention will be. It is usually 5 - 2 hour sessions. If you have any problems finding a group, feel free to contact me and I will try to find out waht agencies in your area have been trained.

Good Luck-

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New User

Reged: 12/18/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Orange County, California
Re: How do YOU do it? new
      #248819 - 12/18/09 09:03 AM

Hey, I completely get where you are at, I am there myself. I don't plan on telling anyone about my status; and can't imagine being involved with anyone intimately either moving forward *(have not since diagnosed 1.5 yrs ago)....I am from Iowa (headed there for two months Jan. 1st) so understand the midwest mentality... I mean people there don't even discuss having cancer let alone HIV/AIDS so what to do.....

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New User

Reged: 10/08/09
Posts: 13
Re: How do YOU do it? new
      #248832 - 12/19/09 11:37 PM

i been poz five years and i have not shared it with any one, i learned how to deal with it on my own is hard sometimes but i find strenght in praying. my health is very good no complaints. if you feel the need to keep to your self just follow your heart. take care and have faith..
happy holidays!

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Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: How do YOU do it? new
      #248848 - 12/21/09 06:05 PM

The most difficult part for me was telling my three teen-aged children, after my ex-wife began using this info to threaten me. Since all three were different ages, I met with them separately and gave them an overview about HIV. The majority of my time was spent telling them what I needed to do in order to stay healthy. This included keeping my stress level down. Unnecessary stress would keep me from helping them grow into adulthood, watching them get married and holding the grandchildren that they would someday give me.

Now a days, we rarely (if ever) talk about my hiv. They spend time focusing on my staying healthy and keeping stress down, especially stress that stems from their mother. What my ex intended to use to hurt me, ended up being one of the best things that could have happened.


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New User

Reged: 04/08/10
Posts: 9
Re: How do YOU do it? new
      #249979 - 04/08/10 10:51 AM

I am from Pennsylvania--but after living in washington dc and NYC--i know live in thailand. NYC and Thailand have both been VERY accepting places for many different types of people and situation. bUT REMEMBER I AM FROM PA

WHY do you have to tell anyone--scream it out--why??? as you say you don't want to it to define you and your hardly think about it everyday.
So why not just continue leading your healthy life--you will probably outlive all those you would tell anyway.

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