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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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New User

Reged: 10/27/08
Posts: 1
Loc: PA
      #242922 - 10/27/08 03:44 PM

I'm seeing/dating someone that is not poz and he knows about me. I have known this person for about a year and we started seeing each other about a week ago. I'm hold back (sex) because of my stats and I dont want to be second guessing, I'm I going to give it to him or not? Just need some feedback dont have alot of friends that are poz that I can talk to. Take Care

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New User

Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 10
Re: Dating new
      #242931 - 10/28/08 06:29 AM

There are so many ways you can practice safe sex and I can suggest you read up on it in the Body. My partner is Poz, I'm not but it does not mean that we do not have a fulfilling life together - it just means that we are aware of how HIV is transmitted and calculate the risks according to what we are willing to do or not - it also means that communication between us is vital.

THe biggest hurdle has been bridged already - he know's your status! Now it's just making sure that you are both comfortable and safe. Have fun...

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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Dating new
      #242943 - 10/28/08 08:56 PM

I think we all have a different idea about what constitutes "safe sex" and probably we all have a different idea about what is "sex".
For me, and my opinion is mine alone, safe sex includes all kinds of non penetrative body contact using oils and lubes and so on.
You and your boyfriend should experiment how to excite each other without having to exchange bodily fluids. Maybe you have. I just think too many people think if you cant F**K that its not sex. Believe me sex is just fine with a good rub down and no F***KING.
Have fun, talk with him, enioy sex. If having sex makes you anxious, whats the point in having sex. Sex is a good thing and should be enjoyed without making you stressed out.

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Reged: 05/29/07
Posts: 96
Re: Dating new
      #242981 - 10/31/08 01:25 PM

For me, I hold back the sexual part for a while till I feel safe and secure with the person and feel that he will stick around for a bit (I hate guys who walk once they've gotten what they wanted!). That's just me. Also I know it's awkward, but having a little talk about this. "Can I talk to you about something? I know this is awkward, but I like you a lot and want to make this work. I want you to be comfortable with me. So can we talk about my status? I want so much to touch you but I worry about how you'll feel, whether you're completely comfortable with me. " It might help if you talk about known transmission risks if he's not aware. (ie none from kissing holding hugging mutual masturbation) None for him to receive oral sex, minimal for him to give you oral sex (as long as you don't cum in his mouth) and don't do this too roughly (back of the throat stuff can be iffy). Both anal receptive and insertive intercourse are VERY dangerous and always always require a condom. But these acts are safe with condoms. Don't use spermicide ever and always use latex or polyurthene condoms and you should have fun.
Something like that. I worry about your sentence " Am I going to give it to him or not?" This is a shared moment! You are hopefully an active partner, a full participant!

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New User

Reged: 11/19/08
Posts: 2
Loc: Memphis
Re: Dating new
      #243246 - 11/20/08 01:21 AM

I've been the other guy. I love you for telling him. That is a beautiful thing, but it's only a start. How did he respond? Was it a conversation? Please feel like you have had an actual man to man discussion about H.I.V. It's emotionally tough to do, but I promise you will feel better and have an idea of where the safety boundaries are if you just talk a bit more.

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