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Past Forums (read only) >> Coping With HIV

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inadaze
Newbie

Reged: 07/09/10
Posts: 2
coping til neg. boyfriend needs other women
      #251101 - 07/10/10 01:46 AM

tested pos 10 wks ago. My boyfriend is negative and was/is....? very supportive and caring. I had this dilusion that we were staying away ffrom sex for now until we can deal better with the whole concept. We were always condom users but without HIV looming over us there was no problem. We had a great relationship that was never very sexual to begin with but had an intense closeness. Today i dropped by his apartment and he was in the process of having sex with another woman. I can't put into words the deep sinking pit of loneliness and betrayal i feel. I am attempting to understand but the reality is that although he says he's sorry and that he loves me and plans to marry me, he will never touch me sexually. do i live with that because i am positive? Before my diagnosis i could walk into a room and own any man i want. Now i feel like without him i will be alone for the rest of my life. The pain i feel is too great to even imagine another day of it let alone the rest of my life. On one hand the anguish that i am feeling could take it's toll on my health but on the other hand will being alone be worse. Does he expect me to never have sex again? I just don't know how to move forward from here. He doesnt want me to leave him but how do i stay? I don't know how to stay......

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Atheena
Regular

Reged: 02/22/10
Posts: 46
Loc: Texas
Re: coping til neg. boyfriend needs other women new
      #251107 - 07/10/10 11:59 AM

Hi Inadaze,

This is my opinion only.

That is not fair to you at all Inadaze. If you have an inclusive relationship, what he did is called “cheating.” He can give whatever excuse he wants but in the end, it is still cheating. If you don’t want to stay with him don’t! Being positive does not mean your sex life is over. There are many relationships out there that one person is Positive while the other person is Negative. I am 22 yrs Positive and have been married for 10 yrs and my husband is Negative. You need more confidence in yourself as a woman and not concentrate on the HIV part. Being positive should not stop you from living it just makes you more aware and knowing whomever you are with in the future to always protect yourself and them. HIV is not the only sexual disease you can catch out there and sometimes I think we all forget that. We should always protect ourselves not only from HIV but also from unwanted Pregnancy, Chlamydia, Syphilis, Viral Hepatitis, HPV, Scabies, etc.).

Please consider seeking some help from a close family member, friend, support group, therapist (Counselor, Psychologist, or Psychiatrist). You need to find yourself again and hold your head high.

Take care and keep me updated. You can always send me a PM if you would like to talk on the side.

I wish you well.
Athena


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inadaze
Newbie

Reged: 07/09/10
Posts: 2
Re: coping til neg. boyfriend needs other women new
      #251152 - 07/13/10 01:14 PM

thank you Atheena for the kind words. I have found a way to move forward which i have no choice but to do so. As far as he is concerned he's doing every thing possible hoping and begging that i don't leave him. I don't know what i will do at this time. I've moved past hurt to just a feeling of numbness where he is concerned. I've decided to focus on me. I love him and that will never change but I love me more

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nibbler
Newbie

Reged: 08/17/10
Posts: 6
Re: coping til neg. boyfriend needs other women new
      #251678 - 08/17/10 01:19 PM

There is no reason to understand how to "stay". If you remove the HIV status from your situation, would you even consider "staying"? Regardless of your status, you are a wonderful woman and you deserve to be respected. Perhaps you can retain a friendship, but you still deserve to have the full package. Granted, the pond just got a lot smaller, but there are people out there who will want you...all of you...for better or worse. Keep your chin up, take pride in who you are, and don't let HIV rule your life!

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