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disclosure question, please give your opinions
#64994 - 05/27/03 09:05 AM
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just asking for an opinion from anyone who would like to respond:
i am a positive heterosexual woman. since finding out my status 7 months ago i have informed previous partners (both neg) and have not been sexually intimate with anyone.
but i'm getting a little lonely and i would like to feel that i can explore relationships like any "normal" person.
so here's my question, straight up: what are people's thoughts/opinions on disclosure when you engage in protected sex with a (presumably) negative man? i perceive the risk of female to male transmission as being extremely low when condoms are used. what do y'all think?
i am really struggling with this. the reason disclosure is particularly sensitive for me is that i live in an intentional community setting and my work, living situation, and everything i do outside of work are all tied up together... a lot is at stake if i talk to the "wrong person" about this
thank you for taking the time to respond.
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The tricky part is what if you do get really involved with someone. It could backfire if he's NOT understanding and decides to be really pissed. He could tell everyone. And you would also feel terrible as you slowly get more and more involved. Lots of gay men don't tell and have sex, but they do this when they are just looking for sex partners--not relationship partners. In any case, it's considered pretty rude to do it...even though it's pretty safe. Keep in mind that if the condom breaks (which can occur) you'll put the guy at some risk. Also what if you choose not to tell and you have sex with 2 different guys from your small world. The second guy you really like and you get involved with him. Then you tell him and he is furious and tells everyone and then the other guy you had sex with finds out and is all panicky and is also furious...well, you know, it becomes a mess.
Can't you have relationships outside your small world. Lots of positive men to meet on the internet on positive dating sites. Also there are positive social gatherings in a lot of the major cities.
RJ
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My advice is to do the right thing. You have alot to lose by not being honest and a whole lot more to gain by being honest with yourself. If your taking the time to ask this question online...I think you know what you're able to live with otherwise you would have done it. HIV or not...mixing love, sex and work never works out..throw HIV in the mix...well...need I say more?
My husband was infected from a woman who didn't tell him and she knew for years prior. Good luck with you decision.
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I feel that is important disclose to a potential partner before having sex. Even having protected sex is not 100 percent and I wouldn't want it on my mind that I wasn't honest with someone. I think you could also be leaving yourself open legally for not disclosing if something did happen. I have also heard that is is harder for a woman to infect a man, but it is still possible. S.F.
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