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HIV Life >> Women

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Anonymous
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women, please give your opinion...
      #52374 - 12/27/02 08:07 AM

hi everyone. this is sort of an ethical question.

i was recently diagnosed HIV positive - i found out because i was pregnant. the doctor who gave me the news advised me to terminate the pregnancy and i did. i regret that decision so much. i am 26 years old and my partner is negative. i miss my baby so much - i wish it was still inside me. the thought of never having a child is so painful. but now i read that there are many HIV positive women having babies... i understand you can reduce the risk of transmission very much, but what about the fact that i will probably die before my child grows up? how do you deal with that? is it right to bring a child into this world knowing that i probably won't be around for its adolescence, even if i have a stable relationship with the father and he is negative? please let me know what your thoughts are. i don't know what to do. i feel like everything that matters has been taken away from me. thanks in advance for taking the time to respond.



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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #52509 - 12/28/02 12:14 AM

There must be a reason why they say women can have babies now. You placed your trust in your doctor who advised you to abort. I want to say never again place your trust in any person, the Bible says not to place our trust in man, but only in God. And God will forgive us anything, while we must forgive ourselves. Jesus paid for our sins.



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Jackie_Blue
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #53177 - 01/01/03 10:33 AM

More women today that are HIV positive are able to have healthy HIV negative babies. However, there is still a risk of transmitting the virus to your child. To have a child when you are HIV requires balancing the risks, deciding what is too much risk and working with a doctor that is a specialist with HIV.

As far as terminating your pregnancy. It sounds like you had a doctor that wasn't an HIV specialist. He should have told you, your options. But sometimes things we think are not a good thing at the time turn out to be the best thing for us. Finding out you are HIV is an adjustment. Finding out you are HIV from the routine test during pregnancy is more surprise than anyone needs to deal with. From that stand point until you get use to your status, you come first. Now wouldn't be a good time to try to come to terms and be pregnant and worried about the baby. You need time to get use to being HIV. Right now it probably consumes most of your waking thoughts, but it does get better with time. It becomes something you live with, but it doesn't have to rule you.

As far as raising children. I understand completely what you are saying, but I've learned it isn't the truth. I was lucky enough to have my kids before I was positive. My oldest was 9, my youngest was 7 when I found out. I was sure I wouldn't live to see them in High School. They are now 15 and 13.

How much longer do I think I'll be around? Long enough to tell grandkids the stories their parents won't want me to tell about them being teenagers.




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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #53572 - 01/03/03 03:08 PM

It's easy to tell other people that the timing is bad or whatever for having a child when faced with hiv. These are just exuses. Whatever time is is, it's God's timing. The doctor is not God. Christianity will heal you and change your life to have hope again in a future for both you and your lost baby.



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Tiffany
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #55271 - 01/19/03 10:26 PM

I think that doctor gave you some bad advice. If you are being treated for hiv there is now a only 1% chance the baby will end up hiv pos.Also if you are being treat By that I mean taking meds. I know alot of women how have been living with it for 15-25 years and still going life is not over.



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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #55396 - 01/21/03 03:49 PM

First let me start by saying how sorry I am to hear you were under the "care" of such a poor doctor. No matter what the situation is a doctor should always give you multiple options and refer you to a specialist. I hope that since you have been diagnosed you are seeing someone who specializes in HIV/AIDS. And always remember if you are not comfortable with a particular doctor or their advice it is your right to find another doctor.
Second, don't give up your dreams of having a child. It's true there is a risk for you to carry and deliver a child, but that isn't the only way to become a mother. Adoption is a wonderful option. I loved my son before I gave birth to him, but after I brought him home I really began to understand what loving a child means and it has nothing to do with the biological processes that take place to create life. I can't give birth to another child, my husband is HIV +, we aren't comfortable with the risk and we can't afford sperm washing or invitro. However, we have discussed adoption. I have 2 friends who were adopted and the parent/child bond is no different for each of them than it is for me with my parents.
My advice: First and foremost, find a doctor who specializes in HIV/AIDS and you are comfortable with. Then give yourself time to adjust to the idea that you are HIV +. Let your physical, mental and emotional rollercoaster level out, then begin exploring your options for becoming a mother. I also recommend a counselor to help you come to terms with terminating your pregnancy - you'll need to forgive yourself before you can truly go on.
Take care of yourself!



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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #55397 - 01/21/03 03:54 PM

I strongly recomend professional psycological help to deal with the emtional aspect of terminating your pregnancy and living with HIV.



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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #56888 - 01/30/03 03:08 PM

Just what decade is your doctor living in? He/She should be sued for malpractice and playing God. Ole' Doc should have told you that with proper pre-natal care and post-natal treatment, the baby's chance of having the virus is much less than 5%.
I tested positive in 1986, when I was 25, they told me then that I couldn't have children, but nobody knew any better. The issue of mother to child transmission has been more thoroughly than any other vector of transmission.
The issue of whether you will have the energy and/or years you want to devote to a child is much less clear-cut. But, remember, some people have lived with virus for over 20 years with out treatment.
Good luck.



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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #57529 - 02/06/03 07:37 PM

don't loose all hope. if your counts are under control and with the right treatment the chances are really low that you will pass the hiv to your baby. As far as you not being around when your baby grows up, only God knows if that will happen. any of us can die any time, (my 4 and 6 year old little cousins died in a car accident, for example). I'm HIV positive and thought the same as you when I found out in Nov. of 2001. That doctor that advised you to have an abortion is just ignorant. The first doctor I saw after I found out i was positive also thought I shouldn't have kids. He also told me that I probably wouldn't be around when they grew up. That's a bunch of bull! Only God can tell me that. I've been trying to get pregnant for about 4 months now, and can't wait until I see that positive pregnancy test!!! Don't give up on your life!



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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #58175 - 02/12/03 03:28 PM

thank you so much, everyone who has responded thus far. it has been really difficult to deal with all this. i feel totally alone and i feel that an integral part of my identity is gone - my baby and my future as a mother. you have all helped me to feel more optimistic about my future. i really just appreciate everyone taking the time to respond with their input. unfortunately, i am traveling right now and i don't have access to good medical care or counseling. hopefully one day i will.

thanks again.




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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #65938 - 06/18/03 12:18 PM

Personally I think that was very bad advice on the part of your doctor. I'll bet you live in the south (Like Me) I have heard the same things about reducing the risks of mother to child transmission and I think it would be benificial to you to do the research and decide for yourself if having a baby is the right thing for you. As far as being around for your child should you decide this is the right CHOICE for you,I was diagnosed when my youngest boy was 2 years old and I have been sick and gotten better and with the support of my Negative boyfriend and my doctor(and meds) I know I'll be here for them. Are you seeindg an infectious disease specialist or a general doc?If you are not seeing a specialist, you should be. I would be happy to talk to you personally about it if you are comfortable with that. You can email me atliberalthinking@yahoo.com. Don't fret too much over this until you know all the facts. Cara, NC



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Neka
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #144821 - 05/09/05 07:27 PM

I can honestly say I know what you're feeling. I'm 31 years old and have NO kids. I have AIDS and was given that diagnosis in 1993. I have been pregnant twice. Once at age 19 ( the year I found out) and had and abortion, but only because of other reasons. I didn't find out until later that year that I was positive. At the time all was available was AZT and BACTRIM. Simple crap. I just recently had a miscarriage Christmas of '04. I have yet to be over it yet. I wanted that baby. I hate the idea of not having a child of my own and am not yet finish trying. But so many men are so ignorant towards the disease that they freak to even know that you have it. Anyhow, I don't feel it's wrong for you to bring a child into this world with your situation at all. It gives you MORE to live for. You will have alot more love for that child than most women will ever experience. Children should ONLY be brought into the world with the love you have for one already. Know what I mean? I know friends that have had healthy babies and are postive. Please don't let your medical status keep you from being happy in a ny kind of way. I did that and ended up losing mine. I was so stressed about what to do and what will happen and too many other things. If it's really what you want, a baby, I say go for it and live your life to the fullest. Remember HIV doesn't kill you and AIDS hasn't killed ME. It's only when your system just can't take or fight anymore. You sound healthy to me. Just worried. LIVE GIRL LIVE!!!


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Anonymous
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Re: women, please give your opinion... new
      #155779 - 06/02/05 07:40 PM

Physicians take an oath" to do no harm". Any physician who advocates abortion or makes a blanket prediction about your life without facts to back it up is doing harm. Get a second or third opinion. There is always hope. May God bless you.

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