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HIV Life >> Women

Pages: 1
deda
Newbie

Reged: 01/19/10
Posts: 1
Loc: MI
I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!!
      #249170 - 01/19/10 09:44 PM

I am 26 years old, i was diagnosed 2 years ago. until now i have been in denial. wondering how this cold happen to me. luckily i have had 2 healthy children since then. but i dont know how to deal with it. i dont like taking meds, i still feel like its no real. i honestly dont know what to do. my mom flipped out when she found out. i am scared and i feel so alone. I am affraid to tell anyone else due to the stigma of it. please i need help. i want to understand more and be able to except it. i would even like to become and advocate for the fight. my case manager says my story is one that needs to be heard but i am so affraid of being judged.....

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Deda

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Doc64
Newbie

Reged: 01/21/10
Posts: 2
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #249197 - 01/21/10 02:23 PM

Deda,

I hear what you are saying. I was diagnosised 10 1/2 years ago. I am so sick of this disease. The medicines the stigma and the fear is really getting to suck. I found out I was positive when I was pregnant with my twins it was so scarey. I got this fabulous disease from a guy I thought cared but he was hiding the fact that he was positive, His wife told me. He told me he left her but never did and he ran my credit cards up and put me in debt and gave me a diease that is unknown. It fuckin sucks I tell you. I am here if you want to talk.

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Brian360
Member

Reged: 07/24/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Vancouver, Wa
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #249198 - 01/21/10 06:06 PM

I was in denial for nearly 2 years and I stopped taking meds after the first couple of weeks because of the Sustiva side effects. When I finally "woke up" and went to the doctors again, my t-cells dropped from the mid 400s to ZERO and because I had moved, my new doctor had to go into crisis mode and I had the same problems taking pills all over again. It has been 3 years since jumping on the bandwagon and although my tcell count is nothing to write home about..I've felt pretty good. Being in denial is not being responsible for yourself or for your children. Yea, this whole thing sucks..but people are living long lives with a little more management of themselves than other people have to worry about. So think of taking your pills like taking some supplement vitamins, do it when your directed and you and your children will have a happy life. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!

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iam1
Fanatic

Reged: 06/17/09
Posts: 160
Loc: Georgia
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #249201 - 01/22/10 02:40 PM

GOD! 26 years old. I used to be able to remember being that young. Long, long ago....

Here's news for you - You will live. People are ALWAYS going to try to judge you based on their perceptions of what the world should be. People who are ignorant about HIV tend to be the most scared of HIV.

You will live. I first tested positive about the same time in my life that you did. That was well over 20 years ago for me. I go to the doctor when I'm told to. I take the pills they tell me to take (BUT, not without researching them) when I'm supposed to take them. I try to live a healthy, full life.

Judgment - I know it can be next to impossible to deal with at your age, but with years there will come wisdom. And, with that wisdom will come the fact that the only person who you will ever have to answer to is yourself. You're still young. I know you have the responsibilities of an adult, but there is so much learning you still have to do. And, you will learn. If you keep your eyes and mind open.

A couple things you might consider doing - your case manager (and congrats for having one and hearing what they have to say) says your story needs to be heard. Tell your story through a computer blog. Allow people to comment on your blog. (Don't be surprised if it takes time to get written reaction.) Tell your story in real life. You're afraid of being judged. Who isn't? So, go someplace to tell your story where your not known. Tell it to strangers before confronting the people you know. Noone says you have to go on television and announce it to the world. I don't go around with a big balloon announcing to the world that I am HIV+, but I also never try to hide it from the people who need to know.

Ignorance - the BIGGEST thing anyone ever has to face is ignorance. Your mother freaked. She had probably only heard the darkside on the HIV stories. Stories about people writhing in pain as they rot away. Dissolving down to little puddles that the sanitation department comes along and hoses away. What? That's not what happens to people with HIV? I was sure that was what I heard from the cousin of the neighbor's daughter's boyfriend. Right before everyone's head swelled up with lime jello and exploded.

As a start take your mother with you to visit your case manager. As much as you can tell your mother she'll probably hear better coming from another person. A person who is involved in the care and treatment of HIV+ people. Let your mother see that there are people living active lives with HIV. This'll be the time to teach your mother that she doesn't have to throw out the chair you sat on. Or feed you with disposible plates. Or, put you in a plastic bubble and roll you around the yard for excercise. Yes, people with HIV can and do become productive members of society. They can have healthy children. And, with the proper treatment, live to watch those children grow up and have kids of their own.

Unfortunately, there is probably always going to be the stigma. Thanks to a considerable lack of learning. It's much easier to hear the rumors than the truth. (Remember that when you go to judge the next person.) The rumors make better news fodder, too.

And, yes, you will probalby be taking meds for most if not all of your life. But, consider - you have a life. Those who came before you with this disease suffered and died with little or no hope of treatment.

For most people I tell them they need to come to terms with this disease for themselves before advocating for others. You appear to have come to terms. Now you need to educate yourself about HIV. And, learn that the world is not going to end just because someone doesn't like who you are or what disease you have.

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precious
Newbie

Reged: 02/11/10
Posts: 2
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #249404 - 02/11/10 11:01 PM

I won't lie and tell you that it isn't hard it is. But you can and will survive. I found out I was infected about fifteen years ago and the hardest year was the first, I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I didin't have time. But somehow the days kept going by and like you I had a twelve year old son who needed me to stick around. My mother went through it but never really shared her feelings with me about it but some how we have all survived it together.

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turtle2087
Newbie

Reged: 02/11/10
Posts: 3
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #249405 - 02/11/10 11:03 PM

hi im 23 yrs old and i was just diagnosed last week actually and i feel the exact same way u are feeling right now ... but i figure i'd take this disease head on and fight with all my might to keep myself alive ... so i told my major support network about the diagnosis and stuff to let them know what im going through and stuff. so that they can help me with this journey because what i think is if i got people on my side cheering me on then i will go far and my words of wisdom will go far.i just hope i can make it through my treatment and live a semi healthy life with the treatment that there is.

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precious
Newbie

Reged: 02/11/10
Posts: 2
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #249407 - 02/11/10 11:11 PM

Yes you can get educated knowledge is power when I was first diagnosed I was scared but determined to find out how to fight and live. 15 years later my life is great, undetable viral load, great tcells. The truth is I got honest about my life and what I needed to change in order to continue to live, I have 15 year drug free, 12 years tobacco free, I don't invite unnecessary stress into my life.

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hangaman3000
Newbie

Reged: 06/23/11
Posts: 3
Re: I dont know if I can handle this!!!!!!! new
      #256297 - 06/23/11 12:20 PM

i did the exact opposite i started volenteering ,i started talking to people how not to get it i did what fear didnt want me to do.....i faced it!!! you have a testimony and can save someones life just by your experience.....this is what i do but of course use wisdom dont put yourself in harms way....but you are a light for younger people trust me i feel it in my spirit..be a light..yea its scary i still trip on it but remember god sees the best in you when everyone else seen the worst in u.....fight fear and help someone...u got it in you


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