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New User

Reged: 03/12/09
Posts: 5
Loc: South Bay Area California
Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed
      #245000 - 03/18/09 07:15 AM

My diagnosis came to me in an interesting way. I had been seeing a guy almost a month when I had found out I was HIV+. We met and our feelings developed rather rapidly.

We were very open and honest about our feelings and found each other had a lot in common. I know I am still falling for this man I barely know. The first 2x we had sex it was protected. The 3rd time in the heat of the moment... we went unprotected. We started to talk about it openly afterward. We both did not regret having sex but we regretted that we did it unprotected. I think I could speak for both of us when I say at that moment we both saw there was potential for a serious relationship so we openly discussed testing for STD's and HIV to be safe for future times if we decided not to use protection .. this way we would know we were okay to do so.

Well 3 days after my blood draw and pap I came out clean for STD's and Positive for HIV.

I had to wait 5 days till I could see him again face to face to tell him. He was devastated and worried. He went that day to get his test done. I am unsure of what type of test he had done and where. He told me he would not bail on me that he wanted to support me through this. I kept telling him I wanted to believe what he was saying. He told me "Kaitee you tell me I am a amazing man and that I have a true heart...If you Believe in that.. you cant trust me that I will not leave you." I have not heard from him since last Friday. We talked through text messages before I went to my Doctors appointment. He said I was in his thoughts and prayers. Mind you I am giving him space and time to process this.

I am worried about him it's now going on a week since I told him the news and I still have not heard from him on test results or even a "how r u". I want to be respectful of his space and time.. but I am scared he is "bailing" on me. I care for him and know that through time and patience and education he would realize that it doesnot have to be over for us.

Can anyone lend advice on what to do? Can anyone tell me how to meet people to fall in love again .. I am scared that I will grow old alone


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Reged: 03/18/09
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Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed new
      #245007 - 03/18/09 05:12 PM

That is so sad to hear about, the biggest advice that you can get right now is to be up front and honest. Based off of what you are saying about your guy it sounds like initially he as well did not want to be alone knowing that he was exposed to HIV, you guys have unprotected sex. It is so important for us to get tested 3-6 months after every encounter so that we don't put others at risk b/c it is really unfair. Sweetheart I am sorry that you are feeling alone, but I would recommend to start to enter the dating scene. I am not sure what you expect from the guy cause as you said you don't know him well and only real true love came over come such a tramatic sitaution...remember that love takes time and now you have to be even more careful when it comes to sex with people. You are now sensitive and should not put your self in harms way to contract anything eles. I am sorry for you and for him, but if I were you I would totally understand if he decided to walk away although it hurts, some people want to get revenge, so if he wants to let him go cause you can find someone to love you for you

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Reged: 10/13/07
Posts: 21
Loc: Entertainment Capital of the World
Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed new
      #245011 - 03/19/09 02:17 AM

Right now you need to focus on yourself . Men will come and go. Don't worry the right one will come along. You need to take time out to deal with your situation. I suggest that you get into a church and start praying so that God can help give you strength during these times. I'll be praying for you.

Seek God

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Reged: 05/29/07
Posts: 96
Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagno new
      #245058 - 03/21/09 10:01 PM

It's a rare person who will stick it out so early in a relationship when a challenge comes up. It's not HIV. It could be any challenge. But this one affects him cause he has to wait 6 weeks to find out if he's positive or not...from that one exposure he's probably negative, but he's probably scared. I would not bet on him returning. But that's just me. I agree with the other posters though. Stop thinking about him! you have a new life to start. You need to find a terrific hiv specialist to work with and read up on meds and figure out your future. You need to get support! Read throught the stuff here
and here
You need to get strong and focus on yourself. No one else will do it.

Good luck!

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Reged: 07/24/08
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Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed new
      #245385 - 04/16/09 07:03 AM

Hello Kaittee! Sorry to hear about the missing guy.... I can't tell you what to do about it, but I can tell you my own story, and maybe it will give you hope.
I had very hard time (years) in my twenties, my boyfriend mistreated me psicologicaly and after six years of relationship (we started dating at the age of 17) we broke up and I felt like crap. After a few years using drugs and dating unpleasant guys (short relations) I met a nice guy who helped me to recover, but I wasnt in love with him. I went back dating not the best guys and I got pregnant at the age of 29. The father was an african guy without papers to stay in the country (I am writing you from Spain). I took a blood test for the pregnancy and found out: that I was HIV postive, HPV positive and that I needed and operation to prevent cancer and doctors didn't know if I would be able to have my baby. This happened everything the same day: 13th january 2005. 2 weeks lated, I found out that the father was dating abother girl at the same time. After breaking the relationship with him, I finaly could have my baby (the labor was horrible). I had two operations and overcome the pre-cancer, started a new and well paid job and by the beginings of next year I started feeling better. I was sharing my flat with an american guy. We were good friends: he helped me with the baby and I helped him with everything you need when you are in a foreign country. I knew I was HIV positive and two months after I told him (as a friend) we realized we were in love. I had never been so happy. He is the best guy I have ever met. We are going to get married in September and he is going to adopt my baby.
So, there is life and love after being diagnosed and in fact I am happier now than ever in the past. Just focuse on yourself and your good friends. Here you have a friend (from Spain)
Take care.

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Reged: 07/14/09
Posts: 5
Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed new
      #246539 - 07/14/09 06:21 AM

Wake up my Dear, have a life.Give your life to Jesus and you will e amazed.
Peter, Nairobi

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Reged: 07/30/09
Posts: 2
Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed new
      #246999 - 08/11/09 10:40 AM

you gro old i can see that but alone i dont think so.

for every ugly missing dude out there, God made 10 other beautifull and understanding man poz or neg they are out there. they need you to open your self up to it.

i am engaged to be married. he is neg and i am pos. we found out on the same day. he cried and i cried for him. he felt more pain for my result than i did.

we will be happy for ever, i dont know but i know that of all the man i dated to whom i gave my self whole too he is the one that had more reasons to leave and he stayed.

if it happened to me, it sure as hell will happen to you.

keep strong, remeber you have diabities now so you need to be carefull.

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Reged: 09/19/10
Posts: 7
Re: Staying or Falling in Love: After being diagnosed new
      #252186 - 09/22/10 06:46 PM

Hi kaitee I am an african living presently in africa. I am 42yrs also posiitive and single looking for someone to be in love with, so really I dont know how I can advice you in your story but just keep strong its posible. You can contact me on my direct email;
God bless

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