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I married a HIV positive man
#206706 - 09/10/06 10:54 PM
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I married an hiv + man he is the father of my 2 year old, I found out when I was 4 months pregnant that he was + for 10 years, I blacked everything out he turned cold towards me he abused me and left me, im still testing negative as well as my son. Im afraid to move forward scared his secrets will be someone else also,
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It sounds like your worried hes going to "surprise" another woman with this. Maybe you should tell him how bad this secret affected you. Ask him how he would feel if someone did this to his sister or mother or any family member he loves.
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I can totally relate to your situation. I was recently divorced from an HIV positive man. Actually I am positive too. I found out 7 1/2 years ago during routine testing with my soon to be 7 year old daughter. She is negative, as I did everything I was told to do. We had been dating since 1990. He was one to have several relationships. He never told any of the other women he was dating that he had HIV and there is a lot of women walking around possibly having HIV and not knowing. We were divorced in May, he remarried in July, yes, the same year. The new wife has to know something is wrong with him. After all that time, he is still in denial. Needless to say, the marriage is already shaky. He has had 2 strokes in the past 3 yrs. He is looking very bad and still will not disclose his problem. It's really hard to believe that the doctors are not testing him.
My suggestion to you, is to thank GOD, that you were not infected and steer clear of him. My ex was abusive, lucky for me I owned my own home and left him and came back to my home.
I went on medication to have my child, and have been off since Dec. '99, with no problems.
There should be a law for knowingly infecting or putting people at risk for this disease.
I'm glad your story had a happy ending!
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jenn
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Guardian
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Reged: 09/14/05
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Posts: 325
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There is a law. You can sue.
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Yes you can sue and possibly press charges depending on where you live. I am also married to a HIV positive man but I was aware prior. I live in Georgia, so it is totally a crime here not to disclose.
Also, I probably would tell the new wife. I say that because it is his practice NOT to tell. I would feel guilty if I didn't.
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Post deleted by TheBody
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[quote]GOOD THING U LEFT HIM BUT UR BABY COULD SOON REVERT TO HIV STATUS AFTER MORATORIUM PERIOD BUT HONEY I SERIOUSLY DOUBT U R HIV NEG MOST LIKELY U R POS HUN IT WAS EXTREMELY DUM OF U TO GET INFECTED OR CONSIDER GETTING INFECTED WITH VIRUS THAT HAS NO DRUG AGAINST IT WITH 50 MILLION DEATHS TO SOACCOUNT FOR ITS SINSTER HEAD IF U TURN NEG U R LUCKY HUN CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES LIVING DEATH SENTENCE THAT JUST BUYS TIME WITH DRUGS AS JUDGECONSIDERS APPEAL AFTER APPEAL BUT FINALLY DEATH PENALTY STILL HANGS LIVING WITH HIV IS NO PICNIC IT IS TORTURUOUS LIVING DEATH WHICH TAKES AWAY UR DIGINITY N SELF RESPECT [/quote]
You don't really expect anyone to take you seriously do you? OH and don't go around telling people they are HIV+. You aren't a doctor (obviously). You never saw a test result for this poster. HIV infection is NOT an automatic thing. There are hundreds of cases of one partner finding out their status and the other partner has remained negative. Sometimes after years of unprotected sex. So don't tell someone they are in fact HIV+ when you don't know what the hell you are talking about
But I would love you to explain this logic. The poster is HIV-. If the mother is negative then the child will be negative. The mother can't pass on a virus SHE DOES NOT HAVE.
Oh and this part I must repost here:
HIV IS NO PICNIC IT IS TORTURUOUS LIVING DEATH WHICH TAKES AWAY UR DIGINITY N SELF RESPECT
I doubt the people living with HIV feel this way. I don't.
It's very clear that you, yourself don't live with HIV or know much about it, so I would suggest you shut up and just try to learn something.
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jenn
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Guardian
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Reged: 09/14/05
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Also, HIV is not a "death sentence" anymore. It's not 1985 anymore.
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Anonymous I know how you feel and I thank God that you and your child are still negative. I married a man in 2001 that knew he had AIDS and was on the downlow without telling me. I ended up HIV positive but I am healthy and have never been on meds. Some would ask , "well how did you not know?" He was someone I loved in my teens and early 20s and when we reunited I loved him so much that I believed everything he told me about himself was the truth. I thought that I knew him well enough because we had so much history together... but I guess not. Please continue to stay strong and know that people cannot conitnue to do wrong to others and it not come out in the open. It will eventually. I felt the same way as you afraid that his secrets would become someone elses, but today I am an HIV activist in my community with "Community Promise" so that I can spread awareness and hope that anyone's secrets that are in the closet will come out. Be encouraged and email me anytime you would like to chat. Leesha21872@aol.com
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I wouldn't go that far Jenn. It's true for people that have proper health care and medications that work for them.
But for people that are unable to afford health care or medications, or those that are resistant to medications, HIV is still fatal.
We can't say that HIV is not a death sentence until it's true for all of us living with HIV.
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Bear60
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Legend
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Reged: 12/21/05
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Geez....Mr or Mrs Anon..... thanks for the reality check. Well, ok, life is a death sentence if you get right down to it. But Jenn is absolutely correct that newly diagnosed people should not see an HIV POZ diagnosis as a death sentence.......because it will be years and years before most are affected. 1985...oh yes....an HIV poz diagnosis was: " Get your affairs in order, because you will be dead in a couple of years." That just doesnt happen "across the board" anymore. It doesnt.
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6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
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RevAnn
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Guru
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Reged: 08/17/06
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Loc: MO
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Tell em Bear. I for one am living proof that HIV/AIDS is not a death sentance. (remember, we were all born to die anyway! and we start dying the moment we are born!).
I have lived 26 years so far, I am healthy and I even still work a full time job and outpace my uninfected co workers!
So unless you are infected with a strain that is resistant to EVERYTHING, the out look is very good if not great!
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Namu-Myoho-Renge-Kyo
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It hasn't been a death sentence for me, Hon. 8 plus years and I'm on top of my game in health. No meds ever.
Youre dumb and dismal.
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eleniel
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Guru
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Reged: 05/27/06
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Loc: Utah, USA
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occasional stress, worries about the future sometimes...not torturous living death by any means...
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6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205
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I, too married an HIV positive man who did not tell me and now I am infected also. He went to great lengths to deceive me, even faking a test when we first met (he was in the medical field), and lying about why he was becoming ill (he went off his meds so that I would not discover them). It was devastating to know that someone I had loved and trusted had gone to such lengths to deceive me and intentionally make me ill.
I found out 3 years ago, immediately got tested & got the news. I tried marriage counseling with him, but the damage was irrevocable. We are now separated & I am filing for divorce. I also live in Georgia where I understand that what he did to me is a crime. I only want to get out of this marriage uncontested & that is my leverage to do so (he doesn't want a divorce). I am also terrified that he is out there doing this to other women, but I am not sure what I can do about it? Would I need to alert authorities somewhere that he is capable of this? Could he sue me for doing so? If so, I would have to press charges against him, right?
I would ask the one poster not to jump to conclusions and judgments about people. In my case, I was not jus trusting, I followed the correct path (testing first, etc.) but was lied to by someone who was able to fake his status. His family did not tell me, they all let me knowingly walk into this nightmare. No one that knows me is aware of my story; my family, friends and co-workers have no idea of my status. I feel that I will never again be able to have a relationship with anyone; I have no idea how to go about meeting men that won't shun me when they find out. I am still a relatively young woman, but I feel a relationship will never happen for me again. This website and message board is a lifeline! If anyone has any suggestions for me, please share. I am a 50 year old black female living in Atlanta.
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