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Making the first steps
      #199310 - 07/08/06 09:20 PM

Im a single parent with the fear that I don't know how Im going to get thru this life chaning journey that Im going to have to face. I fear for my child future like any parent and my own stability. I hope to do all I can in time to save and put away before I get to the stage of needing help for basic functions. I was told by my ex that he did not know what his old ex was talking about when she confronted him about being HIV+. I was shock scared and angery for I didn't think that he could lie to me or our family that he was in the dark and had no clue.
We of course split up but not by my will but of his own. I feel hurt hear was the man that I wanted to marry, my friends and family liked, we evevn was plan to have a baby. I might be positive and dont know who to tell or how to start preparing for the future for my child. I feel all alone at times but I do believe in God Im just ashamed I turned my back on him when I was going thru the world and my private lifestyle with my ex. I was told by a counslor to stop feeling guilty and think clear of my future, dont add stress for I will need my strength along with the of my child. I stared by taking all of his things out of my home that might remind me or lead me into depression. Make a plan for resources for my future and my child. I need to focus on my health for no one will but me. Im scared but Im leaving it in Gods hands, I just might need the extra support when Im alone or feeling lonely in the personal battle. Its tough Im trying not to be angered selfguilt ashamed or just plane dum for myself. Im fighting everyday to be encourage and happy its not just for me but my child and those around me. I dont know the rest of you ladies and your personal journeys but I will keep you all in preyer including myself to get thru this, for we have come along way and this is just another hill or mountain. I love you all in Chirst Jesus. Be strong 4 u & the kidzs

Edited by Momchild (07/08/06 09:28 PM)

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Re: Making the first steps new
      #199338 - 07/09/06 12:53 PM

How long where you together and have you been tested?
You could be worrying for nothing. Why are you jumping to
hiv if you haven't tested?

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Re: Making the first steps new
      #199425 - 07/10/06 05:49 PM

Well I have seen some signs but then again it might not be nothing. I was in the medical feild and I have seen some cases that might relate to a lot of the signs I have seen. I think what makes me scared and mad is that he act as he didn't know what she was talking about even when he has been with her. I maybe jumping to conclusions but I pray that God has the last word. for are split up it was something that he wanted to do even when we got pass the big shock. He wants to live in deniel with this whole thing I myself is trying to build the emotional & mental courage to get tested. If I am not positive I will countinue to write to anyone who wants to share there feelings or just a friend to listen. I know that this has made me more aware to myself in being a parent and a person, that life is beautiful and blessful to enjoy, with the responsibility to do what I have to do for my child incase of any unexpected event in my life. I alsowant to reassure that my child future is taken care of. The real lesson for me in this situation is love and live and not being afraid to love someone but, to love myself first. There is a war out there along with many uncurable diesease out there HIV/AIDS is one them. Im going to not only educated myself more but also aware all my surroundings that this is not a shamful diesease, its here and we need to fight for a cure for there are so many innocent victims. I think when truely understand that, is then when I should get involved with someone. I will keep you informed when I prepare to get tested. Keeping u all in Preyer!

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Re: Making the first steps new
      #200428 - 07/18/06 04:09 AM

first god will help you through this second i have read the word shamefull in the same sentence with hiv it's not a shamefull illness,iam not ashamend to have hiv. would you be ashamend if it was cancer or a heart diease?i didn't ask for it nor is it some kind of punishment for somthing i did from god.i look at it as a two by four from god saying wake up,and i did.having hiv means you have learned a secret and it is how to live you learn real fast how to forgive and move and how a lot of this bs in this life and worth worring from getting it from the man you planned on marring i did to,but i forgave him a long time ago i had to he wasnt gonna kill me with hate.p.s he died alone in prison 3yrs ago and iam still here.

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