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SAFE SEX?
#17809 - 05/10/01 08:08 PM
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I am engaged to a wonderful man that has hemophilia and became HIV+ through blood products. I am HIV-. What exactly is SAFE SEX? As a nurse, I understand the "use a condom everytime", "avoid body fluids" jargon. I understand that we must use condoms for intercourse. I don't want my new husband and I to spend our honeymoon worrying about the virus. I want him to know that I think he is the most wonderful man in the world. How intimate can we be without fear of me contracting the virus?
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Jenner
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Reged: 04/24/00
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Posts: 28
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Loc: USA
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You ask a very good question! How to be intimate, yet stay safe. To stay safe you must use a condom every time (I know you've heard the jargon) but it's a fact. Everytime you have vaginal sex, anal sex, or oral sex. The next part is tricky, how to be safe AND intimate.
My HIV+ husband and I have made condoms a part of sex. They are an intimate part of making love, not something we have to stop and think about. For instance; I put the condom on. Sounds simple, but it can be erotic. Find out where he's sensative, take time to find his 'spots.' Also, I put flavored condoms on with my mouth. This is a fun trick and they taste pretty good! It may take a few 'practice' try's, but that can be fun too!
You can have a wonderful, fulfilling and SAFE sex life with your guy. Try a few of the condom tricks with him. If he doesn't already think he's 'the most wonderful man in the world.' he will after that!
I wish you good times, laughter and love with your new husband. Take care.
Jen
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Hi Jen. Thanks for the suggestions. I have a few more questions. How safe is french kissing? Is oral to penis foreplay without ejaculation (if there is no broken skin) too risky? His ex-wife really made him feel like less of a man because he was HIV+. She begged for a baby and became HIV+ after he gave in to her requests and agreed to try. After that she treated him horribly. Our biggest challenge is not the HIV but healing the scars that he received from her because he was HIV+.
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Jenner
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Reged: 04/24/00
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Posts: 28
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Loc: USA
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From what I've read, french kissing is fine as long as neither of you are bleeding or have open sores in the mouth. I recently had oral surgery. During this time we refrained from 'deep kissing' simply because we didn't want to chance anything. Other than that, I'm very comfortable kissing my husband. Mostly, I'm afraid of harming him. IE; like if I have canchor sores, or a sore throat. It's funny, he doesn't worry about it but I do!
As for oral sex, we TRY to use a condom every time. When we don't, I stay away from the head of his penis, and I never, NEVER, allow him to come in my mouth or anywhere near it. The experts say never have oral sex without protection, but I feel safe following these guidelines.
You'll need to decided what you are comfortable with. Above all, communication with your partner is the most important and strongest protection you can have. You both need to understand each others comfort levels in order for you both to fully enjoy each other.
I hope your guy understands what a wonderful and caring person he has found. I think that through love, understanding, and time you'll be able to help him heal.
Take care,
Jen
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There have been no documented cases in the US of anyone getting infected through french kissing. So feel free to kiss away! Just stay away from his semen. In kissing you are exposed only to saliva and saliva never infected anyone. Remember you can touch him all over and kiss him all over! And be calm. He'll notice if you panic. Remember you are in control. And remember the highest risk is unprotected intercourse!! You can use saran wrap to give him oral sex (it's thinner) just don't use the microwavealbe kind.
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