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Anonymous
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My Husband's +, I'm -...we want to have a baby
      #17759 - 05/08/01 03:40 PM

My husband is HIV+. I am HIV-. We had "unsafe" sex for 2 years before finding out that he was +. He was infected during that whole time and never infected me. Since the tests, we have been using condoms consistantly. But now we are thinking about children. We would like to have a baby of our own. We are discussing the possibility of having sex without condoms to try and get pregnant the old fashioned way. I know what the risks are and that most people would tell us we're nuts for considering it, but I keep thinking about all the times I could have been infected during those 2 years we were together and wasn't. I'd like to hear from anyone in our similar situation. Has anyone ever considered this? Has anyone ever done it? Are we completely out in left field for even thinking about it?



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Jenner
Regular

Reged: 04/24/00
Posts: 28
Loc: USA
Re: My Husband's +, I'm -...we want to have a baby new
      #17788 - 05/09/01 04:24 PM

My husband is +, I'm -. We found out after 8 years of marriage, unprotected sex, and 1 child. After 8 years I didn't get HIV, so what's the problem with having unprotected sex now?

You are not alone. We have struggled with the issues of unprotected sex from the beginning, and still do. During the first months we didn't do anything and then began to have only protected sex. After awhile, we accually began having unprotected sex. Why?

There's not an easy answer. I felt like I should have HIV. I felt guilty he had HIV. Survivors guilt. I wanted a child. I wanted to show him that I loved him enough to die for him. HIV would connect us like nothing else could. I wanted HIV. These are my issues.

Let's be honest, none of them were good reasons to put my life in jeopardy. All it did was make me mad at my husband. We would fight or I would break down in tears. It also made my husband feel guilty. He felt like a 'sick demented' man. I can't even imagine how horrible he would have felt had I contracted HIV. Fortunately, I'm still neg.

I've been there. You're not nuts for considering it. You just want to have a child with the man you love. It's the most wonderful, loving, and normal thing a couple can do. It's completely up to the both of you. Examine all the possibilities, including 2 HIV+ people raising an HIV- child. What would happen to the child should the both of you get sick? Be sure to make a decision you can live with.

Take care of yourself. You're welcome to contact me.
Jen





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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My Husband's +, I'm -...we want to have a baby new
      #17816 - 05/11/01 03:56 PM

Hi I just wanted to share my story with you , I am a 25 year old woman with HIV and I have had it for about 4 years
and I contracted it from my frist childs daddy whom is dead now and has been for about 4 years , he died shortly after I found out I was + . We had a child and at that time I was pregnant I was not showing + for HIV
but we did'nt know it but he had AIDS and I had the baby and when he was 15 months old is when I found out that his dad had AIDS (remind you I was married to him and come to find out our marriage was not legal because he had been married for 10 years and had 2 other children ) well I teated + for HIV and my son tested - and still is
he is 6 now, but with all this said I started my life over and married a wonderful man who is HIV - and we have been married now for 3 years and just as we got married I got pregnant with my second child and his first and I can tell you both of my sons are HIV- ,and here is what I did. I take comibiver and viramune and have taken them from day one of me finding out and I continued through out my pregnancy and right before I gave birth I was given AZT IN my IV AND HE WAS BORN HEALTHY AND NEGATIVE .
I have been undectable or 3 and half years and my tcell count is 1350 and I am a very haelthy woman weigh
over 200 pounds and I FEEL IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD AND ASK HIM TO GUIDE YOU WITH THIS , THEN YOU HAVE NO WORRIES BUT FIRST OF ALL GIVE THIS TO GOD AND ASK HIM TO HELP YOU !!!!!!!!!
I AM A WITNESS THAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD AND WITH HIM YOU WILL SURIVE. ALSO WITH MY FIRST CHILD I DID NOT TAKE ANY MEDS BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING WAS WRONG AND TO THIS DAY GOD HAS MADE SURE MY SON STAYS NEGATIVE . HE IS A TALL AND 58
POUND BOY.
FEEL FREE TO WRITE BACK.



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Thankful
Unregistered

Re: My Husband's +, I'm -...we want to have a baby new
      #20796 - 08/14/01 08:06 AM

Dear Jen,
I am so glad that I have finally found someone who is in the same situation that I am in! My husband is + and I am -. Our entire marriage (of 2 and a half years) has been with this knowledge. We have been talking with doctors about trying to have a baby. We are exploring sperm washing and invetro. My husband feels tremendous guilt about the possibility of infecting me. I have suggested unprotected sex but I am not sure that he could do it. I have felt the same way that you articulated about sharing this HIV with him. I love my husband so much. He loves me so much that he wants to leave someday so as to take away the risk of infecting me and causing my death. He would feel SO MUCH guilt if I became infected that I am almost certain it would destroy our marriage. I would love to email you directly or even talk with you. We are in the midwest. Is there any way to communicate with you one on one? I will wait to hear from you.
A Thankful Wife



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