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HIV Life >> Women

Pages: 1
asecret
Newbie

Reged: 10/06/05
Posts: 3
Loc: MN, USA
Friend in Minnesota
      #161249 - 10/06/05 02:35 PM

Hello to all,

I'm looking for friends to chat with. I was diagnosed in Oct. 2004. I aquired the virus through being raped. I am 38, unhappily married but greatfull he hasn't shunned me. I also have two beautiful boys ages 8 and 12. Husband and both children are neg. Thank God. Alot has happened in the last year since my diagnoses and I have had no one to talk to about any of it. I've talked to my local Aids organization and the men there have been wonderful, however they cannot relate to my situation. I don't mean to offend anyone but I have to be honost, I wasn't in the high risk catagory. I've never done drugs and I have been married, and faithful, for the last 16 years. I was raped, it wasn't my fault, i was a victim of a serious crime. Yet I have to deal with the stereo types and stigmatism that everyone with this disease has to endure. Just to give you an example: when I told my sister, her husband said that I was never to touch thier children. That really hurt. I also lost my job of 5 years. They didn't actually fire me but they made my work environment as hostile as possible. I enured thier abuse for 8 months before I just couldn't take it anymore. Can Anyone Identify With My Situation?
wings

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161274 - 10/06/05 09:23 PM

hi. I live in minnesota too. I lost alot of friends from being hiv+ and after i had my babys, my job place wouldn't take me back part time it had to be full time so i just quit. hang in there life will get easier over time. do you ever talk to your husband about your hiv? Mine seems to think if you don't think about it, it is not there. I am been looking for a support group for young woman. In my area of minnesota but there isn't any. How about your area? Your sister husband is an uneducated moron. you can't give hiv by touch. What a jerk. How does your sister feel? If you want to chat more I will check the board tomorrow.(Friday).

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deni
Newbie

Reged: 10/01/05
Posts: 2
Loc: ga
Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161297 - 10/07/05 03:06 AM

hi my name is deni
if you need someone to talk with i may not know how you feel ,but i was rape too so i understand i will talk more later denise

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asecret
Newbie

Reged: 10/06/05
Posts: 3
Loc: MN, USA
Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161319 - 10/07/05 12:24 PM

Hi Deni,

Nice to meet you. I live in the St. Paul area. I didn't think I would get a responce, so, thank you. Please tell me more about yourself and your situation. It sounds like we have some things in common.

Sincerely,
Christine

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asecret
Newbie

Reged: 10/06/05
Posts: 3
Loc: MN, USA
Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161321 - 10/07/05 12:35 PM

Hello,

Thank you for replying. Yes, my husband is the same way. He doesn't understand how this has made me feel broken, contaminated, untouchable. He still wants to have sex just like nothing ever hapened and that there is nothing wrong with me. But there is, Big Time. I'm also very concerned about infecting him. Intelectually I know that useing a condom reduces the risk a great deal, but emotionally I can't stand the thought of "What If he still gets it", "what would my children do with out both parents". The doctors say that we can live a very long time even with HIV, but I still can't help thinking of the worst case senario. Am I being irrational and do these feelings of doom ease up with time? Thank you for your input.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161558 - 10/10/05 07:18 PM

Welcome to the board. You've made a great move to come here! You'll meet lots of people here. One thing I wanted to say to you. You got HIV a terrible way, but there are no innocent or guilty people who are positive. Lots of people got HIV from trusting their boyfriend. Others had low self esteem. So you'll do better here if you dont feel above others who got infected differently than you! Just thought I'd tell you that.
Also there is no reason to feel alone. Put your email and lots of people will correspond with you. You are not alone! And even in Minnesota there are people just like you!

Also maybe therapy will help. HIV is just a disease. You are NOT untouchable. You have internalized other people's idea of HIV as a stigmatized disease. It's just a virus. You need to be more accepting of all the people living with HIV and then maybe you'll be more accepting of yourself!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161608 - 10/11/05 01:00 PM

Thanks for your honosty. I didn't think I was putting anyone down by telling my situation. I apologize to anyone who who took it that way. I really don't think I'm above anyone, I'm sorry that it came across that way. I hope nothing but the best for everyone and again I'm sorry that I offended you and/or anyone else.

Good Bye To All,
asecret

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161707 - 10/12/05 03:40 PM

No one is offended! DOn't run off! We want you here! We invite you to post more about yourself!!! YOu are not alone. Don't get offended and run off! We want to know you and help you!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #161732 - 10/12/05 08:24 PM

Why are you saying goodbye?
You know it's one thing that drives me crazy about women. They are so easily hurt and have no self esteem it seems. Stand up for yourself, girl! Learn from us here! But don't slink away like a scared puppy! Reach out if you want friends, but learn about this community. Remember it's up to you to connect with others, but you have to be strong and stubborn to get what you need. You'll get nowhere from being frightened and easily hurt! The poster was just telling you about this wide community of positive people...there's all kinds! It was your first time, don't go away! come on!

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TRmom
Newbie

Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 6
Loc: Michigan
Re: Friend in Minnesota new
      #162121 - 10/19/05 01:48 PM

Hi. I am raising a family and was not a "high risk" either. I agree that NO ONE deserves this virus, but I do think it makes acceptance of the disease harder. It just doesn't seem possible. It took a while for me to accept that I had it. I got it from my husband before we knew he was pos. We still have a great relationship, thankfully. I'm sorry you were raped and I'm sorry that you contracted HIV because of it. It must be difficult. Do your children know that you are positive? We have been trying to decide how/when to tell ours. We don't tell many people because we are afraid they will treat our children differently. Good luck and take care.

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