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DEEP KISS??
#147785 - 05/18/05 06:14 AM
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I met a lovely guy and went out on a date. Things happen so quick that he kissed me. The kiss was so deep and nice that I prayed to GOD that he doesnt have any cuts or myself. I have not yet told him of my HIV status neither is he. I really I'm madly in love with this man and i would not want to hurt him. I'm now faced with the biggest dilemma , to tell or not to tell? The problem is that this man is my friend's cousin and i'm not ready to disclose to anybody. is it selfish of me to keep quite about my status to this guy ? I will make sure that if we decide to make love I will insist on protection. I don't want to loose this guy! I'm i selfish or scared of rejection, Please help me guyz!
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Slow down and breathe! I am sure you have a million things running through your head and your heart right now. You did not give this guy HIV with a deep kiss. Don't stress over that. Take some time and think through how you REALLY feel about this guy. Madly in love after the first date? Do you know how he feels about you? You don't have to rush into anything. What I mean is that you don't have to rush into sex or telling him about your HIV status. Every relationship needs time to grow, honesty, and respect. If you do plan on having sex with this man he should now about your HIV status. If you tell him after you have sex with him, even with protection, he is going to feel cheated and lied to. He is going to lose trust in you and that is not any way to start any relationship. He has the right to know if you plan on having sex with him. That way he can make up his mind and protect himself in a way that you both are comfortable with. Take your time and treat him the way you would want to be treated, with respect and honesty. That way, whatever happens, you will feel good about yourself. You cannot control how other people feel about you. However, you can act in a way that you will feel good about yourself.
Prayer always helps me.
Good luck and God bless!
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tootoo
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Reged: 05/05/05
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Posts: 10
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Loc: union county NJ
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Sister u need to think twice before u let him go deeper and i'm sure after a nice kiss he will try to go farther ,i would ; first u will feel umconfortable and embarass and i can't picture what words u could use to tell him ,baby we need to talk ,there is something i need to tell u and so on ...Instead ,let's reverse the issue ,put urself in his shoes ,how would u appreciate being in love with someone who is positive while u are not ? I think u should talk to him as early as possible in order to free ur mind then if he really love u ,he 'll accept u for who u are but my advice to anyone who is looking for love is to accept to be with someone positive so that u don't have to be embarass of anything .I wish u good lock my dear and hope that u won't regret any wrong doing .
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debtex
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Legend
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Reged: 03/21/05
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I have to disagree with the fact that you should accept that you should be with someone who is poz. For alot of people that is the only way it works (and I know being poz myself, I've always felt that way too), but if you meet someone who you completely click with and you are good and honest to eachother.....why should hiv be your reason for not being together. I've been w/ my husband for 8 years, and he is negative, and I know there is alot he doesn't understand still. My love for each moment, how precious even the most silly thing can be....but its for these reasons that he loves who I am. poz/neg relationships can work...but you do have to be honest. If this person is your true love and your friend, tell him when you think you are both ready. He may go thru some soul searching, because it can be scary, but love can overcome all of that....and you can both learn how to be safe in everything you do..(together). and BELIEVE ME, there is alot you an do safely!!
Love and prayers to you, and please let me know how things are going with you.
Debbie
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Deb That Was Beautiful And You Are Wright
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spiritzone2
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Grand Master
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Reged: 06/24/05
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Posts: 166
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Loc: PORTLAND ROCKS !!
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perhaps it is time to disclose. It is only fair. In my experience, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. No matter what happens, disclosure will allow you to live with yourself.
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OUR FOCUS DETERMINES OUR REALITY.
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debtex
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Legend
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I dont think you should feel obligated to disclose if you are only kissing someone. (there is a point when you know things or people want to go farther) and if its someone who doesn't know.....then I feel its time you should tell.
We are all scared of rejection and have been there at some point, but to also know that the person we really care deeply about may never want to speak to us again once revealed.
if you feel that deeply you should talk to him, allow it to be his decision based on how he really feels about you where it goes from there. You may be quite surprized (happily surprized). When my husband and I got together 8 yrs ago, we started as friends, and he knew my status......I was very scared that he would be to afraid to be with me.....but people become so close when there is honesty there, that you want to be with that person no matter what.
But if you dont think this relationship will even wind up a long term friendship and kissing is as far as its going to go....then NO, you shouldn't feel "moraly obligated" to say so.
Good luck with your decisions.
love and prayers,
deb
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Jenni
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Master
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Reged: 11/06/05
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Posts: 149
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Loc: Texas, USA
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I feel you should disclose as soon as possible, especially if you want this relationship to continue. And not just because you might want to have sex.
From experience, I know that not everyone is educated on the methods of transmission and there ARE still people out there that think you can get HIV/AIDS from a kiss. While we know that that is a total myth, what if he doesn't? What if he decides that you've put him at risk? He will be angry and confused.
You cannot count on everyone being educated, this is the real world and ignorance is a rampant disease. It is my opinion that early disclosure in a relationship is best...
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It's you that I live for and for you that I die.
So I'll lay here with you until the final goodbye
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