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HIV Life >> Women

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bakswanna
Unregistered

husband diagnosed with AIDS
      #138674 - 03/17/05 05:37 AM

This must have been the hardest week of my life. I just returned from a trip back to America (I live in Thailand), and wasn't home but only two days when my husband went into a siezure. We got him to the hospital, and first they thought he was a drug addict. The next day, when no drugs were obviously found in his system, the doctor asked me if I would allow them to preform an HIV test on him. Also thinking it would come back negitive, I agreed. Six hours later, the doctor called me in to tell me that my world was falling apart. He, in fact, is positive. Now I have learned that toxoplasmosis caused the seizure and that he have AIDS, not HIV. I've been tested, but am too scared to listen to the results. I am too scared to tell anyone, and I feel alone. He is my husband, he has AIDS and I have absolutely no idea what to do. I am so scared. If anyone can help me, I need it. Thank you.


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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #138677 - 03/17/05 06:54 AM

I'm so very sorry to hear the way you found out :( Get a second opinion, the results were very quick, though technology might be that updated where they have such fast results.

Keep your chin up, and hope for the best. I'm hoping your test comes back negative, though it's not the end if it does. I have been positive for nearly 12 years now, and my husband was diagnosed with AIDS nearly 12 years ago.

Keeping you in my thoughts, and hoping for the best.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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stefsorg
Unregistered

Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #138829 - 03/17/05 11:37 AM

hi izpoz
I too am hiv poz but my husband is hiv neg. i read your kind words to this women dealing the diagnosis of aids. even an aids diagnosis doesn't mean you will die nor does it mean your quality of life is shot to hell. i have met many ppl who get on with life after some time to heal. is your husband still alive and how is your health and his health. i think docs really should talk to poz ppl to learn how to treat the newly infected. i believe they could learn a great deal to improve the quality of life in some. well it's nice you responded and i wish you the best of health as well as the lady from twailand. be hopeful.

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #138936 - 03/17/05 09:58 PM

Yes, my husband is still alive, though he's going through a rough time right now. My health is great, been med-free for a year and a half now. We have a very healthy daughter, who was born negative, and was 10 months old when we found out.

We have made a nice life for ourselves, enjoying our daughter and watching her grow into a woman. We basically live a typical family life, with hubby being Mr. Mom and me going to work, LOL.

My warmest wishes and my heart goes out to this woman. It's not an easy thing to deal with at first. Things will work out for the best.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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stefsorg
Unregistered

Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #138964 - 03/18/05 11:19 AM

K
I wish greatly that your husband's health returns. Hopefully it's just a change of meds or something he can get over. I sometimes don't understand why people in the US are still suffering so greatly. Is it because of resistance, giving up, bad habits, non-adherence issues. I guess i am trying to understand how someone goes from doing well on one combo to being a real mess on others. Did you start meds when your t cells were high? How have the meds treated you? Is there hope that your husband's health will return? Just trying to figure out what to expect. My husband is negative and i will be starting meds at the end of this year. I am so terrified. So far it's only been an emotional journey for me over the last six yrs this month and i want a future desparately. How did you do it?

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #138982 - 03/18/05 08:16 PM

Stef,

At the risk of thread hijacking, my husband was positive way before we found out. When he found out, he was already with AIDS, and TCells at 16. He's done very well over the past 11+ years, and only recently, has he been having more problems. He has become resistant to just about everything available, and couldn't tolerate many of the other meds. But my husband's case is much different than others. He also suffered from kidney stones, which caused problems with his kidneys that are the plague of his current problems.

We have a 11 year daughter, whom we live for. Giving up is not an option, so he fights, we fight.

I took meds early on in my disease, and my TCells have always been high, with low viral loads. My bloodwork was so good, that the doc gave me a drug holiday, and have been med free for a year and a half now. But it's getting close to needing to go back on meds again, as my TCells are dropping below 400 (could be all the stress in my life). I have tolerated the meds well, with the exception of Lipodystrophy, which has not gone away.

Is there hope on my husband's health? Well, only time will tell. We always have hope, always. Need a positive attitude to make it through. Don't let this drag you down. You have got to beat it, and prove that you are strong enough to do it.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Jessie
Guardian

Reged: 06/15/04
Posts: 395
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #138995 - 03/19/05 11:54 AM

Iz and stef,

I was reading your posts and crying through most of them-lol...a bit emotional these days, and I cant believe the enormous strength the both of you have!!!!!! Iz, you actually had a daughter that was neg after not knowing 10 months into the pregnancy? Stef, I know what you are feeling as well...we have talked before and I too desperately want to have a life...newly married...newly diagnosed with hIV as my husband gave me the virus and we did not find out until after we already were married that he was poz for many years..PLUS he was a blood donor...NICE right?????

I want so badly to be able to have a child BUT my fear of the baby being poz keeps me from keeping that part of dreams in my life, so I push it aside with all my other anger and let it go...Iz, your story has given me some hope that it may just be possible for me in the future...Brings rtears to my eyes to think that I will here those words"MOMMY"......

As for the lady that just came back to America because her husband was ill, I feel badly for her BUT she does need to know about her status...it is important for her to know so that she can get proper treatment before getting very ill....she must be going through hell and i do know, as we all do, what that feels like to get your results and hear those words...better or worse?????

Life does go on though, each day you awake is a new day, a day filled with promise and hope, more research and progress...One day they may just get it right!!!!!!!! =) I wish the lady lorts of luck, strenght to get through this hard time she is going through and all three of you many healthy years and much love...your advise has made a great difference...even if it touches one person..you have accomplished a GREAT things...all my best and love....~Jessie~

HIV+ since 2-3-04
"While there is breath, there is hope".

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #139005 - 03/19/05 10:44 PM

Hi Jessie,

Yes, my daughter was 10 months old when we found out... it was my first Mother's Day present. I was actually asked by my OBGYN if I wanted to test for it while I was pregnant. I agreed, and thought they did it, but apparently they never did. I breast fed my daughter (this was when I had no clue I had the virus), which is a big no no. But luckily, she's negative.

There is hope that you can have a child that is negative, but I suggest researching it and discussing it with you doctors. We never had a second child for the reason that we did not want to press our luck too much.

Make sure you do the research, find out how you can do it. Remember, it's never "risk free", there is always that minute chance.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for. :)

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Jessie
Guardian

Reged: 06/15/04
Posts: 395
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #139060 - 03/21/05 02:19 PM

Iz,

Thankyou for the info...I am not looking to have children now BUT when I read your post it was very interesting to me and the first one I have ever read that ACTUALLY sounded promising!!!!!! =).....I am sooo happy for you and your husband withyour child being neg...what a precious gift the both of you have and great parents...your baby is very lucky!!!!!!!!

I have many other issues to go through and to deal with before I even attempt to go there BUT its just nice to know that there is HOPE in all of this and that one day I may be able to have a healthy child...Thank you again and God Bless!!!!~Jessie~

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #139070 - 03/21/05 09:58 PM

Hey Jesse,
you can SOOO have a baby, whenever you are ready. If you are on meds, the statistics of your child converting to hiv, is less that .02%. There are greater chances of miscarriage and birth defects. don't let hiv be the reason you don't hear those words. if you are faithful with your meds, w/ and undetectable VL, (oh and a turkey baster) (: lol, you can hear those words: "mommy". I know becuase my son is 8 months old and recently had test w/ undetecable VL.I know he will not seroconvert. i see women all the time who have hiv, have healthy babies that are hiv -. if you want it...go ... get it.
For the woman from Thialand, I have had hiv for 12 yrs. Its always horrible in the beginning, but each day things will get better, and you will not feel so alone. Keep connecting to others, and you won't feel so alone.

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bakswanna
Unregistered

Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #139090 - 03/22/05 07:31 AM

An Update:

I just got back from seeing my husband--when he had the seizure, we were visiting his family in a rural providence in Thailand. I have since returned to the city where we live together, while he has remained in the constant care of his family (I hate them, by the way), very typical for Thai rural culture. He is very sick, I don't understand why the doctors are so slow--it will have been a month since he tested positive until he will have his CD4 checked, and then another 3 weeks before the results come back. He is out of it most of the time, and I cannot get my mind around what is going on. I am anxious with the doctors, upset at his family, and so terribly angry at him for not protecting me. I want to scream at him, but then when I see how fragile he looks and the fear in his eyes, I just have no idea what to do. I am encouraged to know that life has gone on normally for many people, but at the moment, I feel like all my dreams are crushed and I have no one to talk to. Thank you for the encouraging words, I know give this time and it will get better. Just until then...

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Jessie
Guardian

Reged: 06/15/04
Posts: 395
Re: REPLY BACK TO DEBTEX......=) new
      #139102 - 03/22/05 12:30 PM

Hey Deb,

Thanks for the encouraging words about being a "mommy" annd I am soooo HAPPY that your little one is healthy and doing well!!!!!! Time will tell and heals all wounds and broken hearts...If God wanted me to have a child then it will be...I appreciate your kind words and knowledge on this subject...
~Jessie~

HIV+ since 2-3-04
"While there is breath, there is hope".


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DaphneeLee
Unregistered

Re: husband diagnosed with AIDS new
      #139223 - 03/24/05 05:32 PM

My heart goes out to you my dear. I can only imagine the shock and terror you felt as I found out my status in a shocking manner as well. I had given blood not knowing and they called me on the phone one afternoon from the blood bank and said, "hey lady, don't give any more blood, you have HIV, but go get tested again." Well anyway, that was a very long time ago, 1990. I have long since accepted my fate, but I do understand and feel for you in your newness of all this. I am sorry that you are not on good terms with your in-laws, but I am happy they are there to help with your husband. I know the anger you must feel and you have every right to feel it, but write your feelings here or anywhere, or write to yourself, or exercise (if you like it, it really helps a person's well being), cry, do whatever you can to release these pent up feelings. I think you are wise not to directly attack your husband. Maybe he never knew himself, maybe he is just a scared little boy too afraid to own up to his misdeeds. No matter, you are a woman and you can endure because we women are strong. We are emotionally stronger than most men and you will prevail. Please, I know it frightens you to face the possible truth that you too may be HIV+, but knowledge is power and you would betray yourself if you did not find out and start taking your medications to get it in check and under control. My prayes, love and compassion will be with you, I know you have the strength and courage to face this because you are a woman who cares about your loved ones and yourself. You took the time to find this site and to share your fears and for this I am grateful to have this opportunity to say, do not cave in, feel what you have to feel, but then pick yourself up and take the next steps. May the hopes of us all bring comfort to you. God bless.

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