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Not given a date, but dealt a death sentence
#120765 - 12/07/04 09:29 AM
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I was diagnosed with full-blown AIDS in November of 2002. My whole life was turned upside down. I have suffered from severe depression all my life. I have been a homeless person, thrown out of home at 15 yrs old, and have survived any and every way I can through the years. Well, it caught up with me. I feel like I have been dealt a death sentence, but without being told the suffering I will endure during my impending death, and at what time. I know this sounds so negative. I have struggled spiritually and mentally with this since diagnosis. I have heard of people living a few decades before death with this disease, yet the Aids recognition day that was last week, I heard an expert quote that the average life span of a full-blown aids patient is 8 to 10 yrs. I am a young woman, I am terrified of dying and feel like I am not spiritually right with the Lord. I cannot find a support group in my area, and I feel so alone and hopeless. Anyone who can give me some advice or be a pen pal for friendship and encouragment will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you and God bless you all.
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Jessie
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Guardian
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Reged: 06/15/04
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Posts: 395
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I am sorry to here about your situation but there is help out there...I dont know where you are(not asking either) but you can always call the "aids hotline" and they will direct you properly. Also, you should talk to the doctor who is treating you ...he/she should be able to steer you in the right direction to get you a counselor and into support groups...
You sound as if you have endured so much in such a short amount of time....I know this advise may not be what you want to hear BUT positive thinking is crucial with this disease...Taking your medication as prescribed, exercise, balanced diet and stress reduction are all important to maintaining good health and helping to control your HIV/aids...this information is true because the more you stress, dont take your meds, dont eat properly the harder your immune system has to work to keep your body as healthy as possible....
No my sad and scared friend, this is NOT a death sentence...I know people who are still going strong with an aids diagnosis for 15+ years already....The meds they have now are different from years ago and research has improved as well....think positive, try to live your life happy, enjoying the things that make you happy and try not to focus on the negatives...Hard but does work!!!!!
There are many people who are on this board that are wonderful survivors and great informants....they are here for you and so am I...Hang in there and know that God is with you. Nobody knows why this happens to some and not to others but thankful that you got tested and found out so proper treatment can be offered to you...that is a good thing..We are all here right now, I can walk out my front door, get into my car and be hit in an accident and die...That will not be because of the HIV.
Your destiny has already been planned so roll with it and remember to enjoy as much of life as you can...Nobody can put a time on when you are goingt o die...Only God knows that and he never tells...good luck my friend and God bless you.....~Jessie~
HIV+ since 2-3-04
"While there is breath, there is hope".
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set up an email address at yahoo. Post it here and you will find friends to communicate with! Keep posting! You are not alone, but you have to try hard to make connections.
Women ALive has a hotline for women with HIV. You can call there and talk to other women. They are in L.A. and the call is free! 1.800.554.4876
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I sure am sorry to hear that news kid...but don't believe everything the "experts" say... I'm poz 17 years, just started on meds... there's life after being infected...and there's friends and folks... reach out, we're here, looking for others, like us.
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what you have written about you have been making me appreciate my own life. I realize how hard it should be for you, but the Lord is with you and he is the only one in the world who is actually protecting you from that desease.
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Hi. Just read your post and wanted to offer my help/encouragement. We have all been dealt a death sentence, it is just a matter of time for each of us. It sounds like life has dealt you much heartache and turmoil. At 15, it would have been difficult to make it alone, but you did it! Even the toughest of us need help sometimes. Am here for you if you need a friend. And remember, God's grace is sufficient, it isn't given to you because you deserve it or you earn it, but because you ask for it. It is that simple!! May your days be filled with love, smiles and happiness!!
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hey,it's good to kow u acknowledge the most high.don't give up on u or him. U r stil alive so make the best of it.If you already found yr purpoe & jus lost yr way,it's ok. God wil be with u al the way if u ask him to I'm not in yr shoes but in these last days we need him to survive no matter how hard we fall.Good luck finding a good friend to help u throuh this time! Blesings!
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I agree with Jessie. Your diagnosis is not a death sentence. You can live with HIV and even AIDS and have a full life. It is up to you to decide to live. Today is a new day.
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I was diagnosed in 1998 Aids. Almost died of PCP pneumonia before they figured out that it was Aids. My t cells were down to nothing. I went on meds then, and after about a year of lots of different types of OI's and med intolerance, I was starting to feel better. Currently I am in the best health ever (except for some cervical stuff that I may have had without the HIV). I've had to switch meds about 4 times, but not because they weren't working. I've been undetectable since 1999 and my t cells are around 350.
You will survive, but the biggest thing you can do right now is to keep a positive attitude.
You mention you don't feel you are right with the Lord. That would be the first place I would start. When I was in the hospital and undergoing all kinds of procedures and they didn't think I was going to make it, one of my doctors took the time to pray with me. This was unbelievable to me, but it was so comforting. He was admitting that he needed the Lord's hand to guide him while doing the procedures on me and to help with a diagnosis. I wasn't overly spirtual at that time, yet. but it really helped me. Since then, I've found a church family that I love. I feel the Lord's prescence with me daily and I thank God all the time for my health.
I intend to outlive all my negative friends. Many of them are not only neg for HIV, but their attitudes are negative and I can see that it is eating them up inside.
You can beat this!!
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I understan how you feel, when I was first diagnosed my first thought was "I don't want to die." But the trueth of the matter is everyone is born with an expiration date. Just because you've been diagnosed with aids hasn't changed that. I strongly suggest you seek professional help for your depression.
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I'd like to make a suggestion for on-line support, it is not specific to HIV, however it can be supportive to any situation a person is struggling with or working through.
The book is called "Spiritual Energy Cycles" and is by Jackie Woods, it explains the healing process. It's very clear and easy to
understand. It explains WHY we create what we create and how healing takes place whether through chemo, meds or herbs. It's a
great little book, for further support there's an on-line discussion so you can start applying the concepts in the book to your everyday life.
The book explains how the healing process needs to take place "upstream" so to speak. For example if you have a dirty stream and want to clean it you keep going up strean till you find the source of what the contaminent is... same with healing the
body. All too often we start with the symptom, and try to get rid of it with drugs or changing our behaviour. But that is starting downstream, we need to go upstream and find where the disease started in order to heal it. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in healing or strengthening who they are in life. You can find it at amazon.com, barnes& noble or directly from the author at www.jackiewoods.org. (The discussion is at www.jackiewoods.org and is FREE.)
I've seem people transform many areas of thier life through the process explained int the book, physical illness to financial to relationship and parenting issues.
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First and foremost, Jesus loves you and does not want you to suffer. The first thing that you need to do is pray and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Just pray this prayer: Dear Jesus, I know that I am a sinner. I ask that you please forgive me of my sins and come into my heart. I believe that You died on the cross for my sins and ask that you wash me clean in Your blood. I accept you as my Lord and Savior.
Then after that you need to read the Bible, pray and surround yourself with other believers. You will be amazed at the healing Christ can do for you. God is still performing miracles everyday. God loves you and will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Please trust in the Lord and let Him handle your stress. We are not meant to do this alone. He can and will help you. You also should find a good HIV doc and get on meds. I was full blown AIDS when I tested pos in 1997. I am now undetectable with a CD4 of 510. I give all the credit to Jesus. I am not dying, I am LIVING with HIV and you can too!
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omg sweetie i will be your pen pale,we all need one.i just found out i had hiv back in dec of 04 i know it has not been that long but still, it's like your just waiting for the end to happen. iam scared of dying to.so i know how u feel. here is my e male address if u ever want to talk ok, tracys2good4u2006@yahoo.com
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SaniHalo
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Member
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Reged: 04/19/10
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Posts: 10
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how r u? i dont know if you still log on, but if so.. hit me up. how r u?
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