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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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dbltom1
New User

Reged: 06/03/14
Posts: 6
Loc: Kentucky
Married, Scared & Positive new
      #276482 - 06/03/14 04:58 PM

I just tested positive, waiting for final confirmation, but I already know, I've been so sick this past year. Married for 27 years, while she knew I was Bisexual, she trusted me to be faithful and I messed up.... really messed up. Now I have to tell her. I'm numb, scared, feeling immobolized and alone. I have no self worth, what if I've infected her... how do I live with that?

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kicker
Veteran

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1131
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Married, Scared & Positive new
      #276487 - 06/03/14 08:01 PM

That's a rough place to be. For the moment you are just going to have to take it one step at a time. You should tell your wife that she needs to be tested as well. There is a chance that she may not be infected; there have been many many cases where one partner is infected for years without infecting the other partner. So don't put the proverbial cart before the horse there.

Next is to focus on what you can do and have control over. Take a deep breath, cry if you need to, and just find someone to talk to face to face. Just talking about it can help you organize your thoughts and feel in control. If you have no one immediately available you can call a crisis intervention line. They are anynomous so no worries about "someone knowing".

Of course you may find support here any time, it's just not as timely as other means. Work with your testing facility and follow their advice about getting into treatment whatever treatment you decide.

I am sorry that you are going through this, but you don't have to do it alone.

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calamitous
New User

Reged: 08/15/13
Posts: 14
Re: Married, Scared & Positive new
      #276491 - 06/03/14 09:51 PM

dbtom,
sorry to hear about your situation but do know you are not alone. My situation was similar, but on the plus side I was positive for 16-17 years before diagnosis and husband was still negative when tested. I did and still do at time feel guilty that I put him at risk, but feeling guilty does not change anything. We have moved forward. It took lots of discussion, probably ones we should have had years ago.
Stay strong,

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anotherday
Regular

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Married, Scared & Positive
      #276496 - 06/03/14 10:43 PM

It will work itself out, trust me, in the exact same boat and mine didn't sink! You didn't mess up, the first thing is to remember the guilt can eat you up ... it's not necessary. You have a strong mariage with understanding wife. She accepted bisexual, she will understand this! Take some time, not lots though, but get your thoughts together and then approach the topic.

If you need someone to talk to about plugging the hole in that sinking ship feeling ... private me any time. It's a scary time, trust me, but it does get better. You and her have alot invested!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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