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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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pozmedic
New User

Reged: 10/07/12
Posts: 5
Loc: USA
just found out oct 3rd
      #267661 - 10/07/12 12:45 AM

hi, october 3rd 2012 i found out i was hiv positive. my first reaction was no that can't be right I'm in here every 6 months doing my part getting tested have been since i was 16 and i had just tested neg in feb. the results of the western blot has not came back yet. I'm a 26 y/o paramedic and i know hiv is not a death sentence anymore its treated more like a chronic illness, but I'm scared to death. i feel lost and out of control. there are moments where I'm laughing and others where i have trouble breathing. periods of denial are frequent. I'm sure I'm not the only one with these feelings but i can't help but feel alone. i have over whelming support from my parents and best friend. I'm kind of antisocial and a paw paw at my age. i don't have a lot of friends so my support system is limited. i had to call into work due to the news and being unable to focus. i didn't tell them the reason as to why and now I'm being pulled into my OM's office monday morning to "discuss my issues". i can't afford to lose my job and insurance now and i can't afford to tell them that I'm poz. for some odd reason though i have this intense urge to be adventurous and blaze my own trail in the world and make a difference. maybe I'm crazy. my mind is full of questions and thoughts of chasing my dream now. something i put in the back of my mind and left it to die. i hate to be irrational but I've never been more scared or inspired in my life.

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riverprincessModerator
Veteran

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1823
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: just found out oct 3rd new
      #267675 - 10/07/12 10:02 AM

Hi there. I can only imagine the initial shock that you must of felt because of the fact that you were sooo diligent in your testings. But perhaps you keep testing due to somewhere way back in your subconcious you thought you may of, but all the neg. results had you relax a bit . Then the carpet got pulled out. Yeah it rattles all of us. but then we start to take a good look at the situation and go into re-evaluation mode. And being in the field your in I can definitly relate to. I'm also in the medical field. Have been for over 20 years now and been pos for almost all of those years. And I gotta say , don't let the guilties get to you. Unless you work with the medical aspects , some won't understand what I mean by that. You may think that now you shouldn't be doing what your profession is but that is sooo far from the truth. We take universal precaution with all patients/clients regardless of status on their part and that can be applied to us as well. You don't have to reveal your situation either. There is still big unfounded stigma . I even had a ID doc say I was being immoral working in my field. She has since changed her mind about that but it just goes to show that it is still a problem . Don't let it become your problem. I'm sure your excellent at what you do just as I am in what I do. And I couldn't see myself doing anythin else. Also take your time in making any major life changes. Give everything time to settle down , your emotions to settle down. Our emotions can mislead us easily and then we wish we could turn the clock back . So take some time my friend . Whatever life changes you want to make can be made a year from now just as easily. Right now just focus on what you need to do in regards to tx and yourhealth. Stop on by whenever you feel like chating . Welcome to this site. Hey if you got to deal with stuff this is a wonderful place with many folks with much knowledge. Sorry we had to meet this way but it is what it is. Till next time take care and be well.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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Buzz1
New User

Reged: 08/10/12
Posts: 16
Re: just found out oct 3rd new
      #267727 - 10/08/12 12:53 AM

Everything you are feeling is normal and ok. I just found out I was positive on August 14 and I'm still dealing with issues ranging from shock to inspiration.

Don't make any rash long term decisions while you are in this state. Give yourself time to allow this to sink in and try not to avoid your normal activities too much if you can help it. Sometimes going about your life and responsibilities will save you. If you do ever need some down time however, that is ok too.

Be good to yourself and find some support (like here or whatever support groups may exist in your area).

Best of luck to you--you will be fine!


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mylife7985
New User

Reged: 10/29/12
Posts: 1
Re: just found out oct 3rd new
      #268703 - 10/29/12 07:47 PM

Everything will be ok hang in there and take care of yourself

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denise03
New User

Reged: 03/09/12
Posts: 22
Loc: Texas
Re: just found out oct 3rd new
      #268705 - 10/30/12 01:21 AM

Surround yourself with positive and encouraging people. Accept you as you are still because no matter what we are still children of God. Love yourself regardless! You will be fine.

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Lorax46
New User

Reged: 11/05/12
Posts: 5
Re: just found out oct 3rd new
      #268826 - 11/05/12 05:22 PM

i found out when i was like 28 it was like getting hit with a brick wall. I worked out like grazy became very positive but very lonely because although you accept it others may not , and rejection is the worst part of this virus. You can always get adap its a free insurance for people with HIV .. drop me a line if you want to talk more about this..

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