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jtpa
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Reged: 03/11/12
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Posts: 29
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Loc: Florida
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Alone and Numb
#261887 - 03/17/12 07:27 AM
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I was diagnosed a month ago. I had my first ID appointment last week. I am so numb I can't remember much of what he told me. I have a partner of 5 years, but since the day I found out I feel alone. He says we will get through this together, but actions say otherwise. I haven't felt his touch, his kiss, or his embrace since that day. He smiles, he is nice to me, but he tested negative the same day and for him his life hasnt changed. He wont talk about it. He has never asked how am I doing. I feel like I am in my own silent hell. I have told no one, I am scared, I am scared to tell anyone, I cry every day when I am alone. I put up a front like nothing is wrong. I AM NUMB, am I supposed to feel dirty all the time? I am just so lost and my one support system I thought was definite I feel is starting to shun me. It gets better right, please tell me it gets better. I am not a weak person, but I have no strength right now. When will I think I am J and not I am HIV+. Lost. Confused, Alone, and Numb
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AIDS2HIV
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Legend
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Reged: 12/19/05
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Posts: 2163
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read this: http://www.thebody.com/cgi-bin/bbs/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=living&Number=260076
and dont worry about the what if's.....it's a waste of time & energy. Focus on you & your health, and the rest just falls into place. Your situation isnt unique by any means, weve all been there, and overcome it....you can too.
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riverprincess
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Moderator
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Reged: 12/25/11
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Posts: 1088
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Loc: Jersey Shore
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The beginning is always the hardest point. It just takes time for one to absorbit all and then you will start to talk about it. You can send me a message anytime you want . I am a very good listener , I've been listening to folks for a long time. And there is no judgment on my part. I've been pos for 20 yeas now but I remember what it was like in the beginning. Thats something we never forget. So I'm here for you if you so choose to . Either way dear, just know it does get better.
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DJones
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All Star
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Reged: 04/02/09
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Posts: 82
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Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
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Hello
You are not alone. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV+ on January 7th 2009. You can find the link below. My partner of 23 years was and is still here with me and for me. Email me anytime, my email is on the blog. I wrote daily and you can go back in time on my blog and see what the past 3 years have been like.
Good luck and write, you are not alone.
Dave
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http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/
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pooh
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Reged: 06/20/11
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I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL, I'VE KNOWN FOR TWO YEARS NOW. I FELT ALONE AND WOULD CRY ALL THE TIME. I FINALEY TOLD MY MOTHER AND MY KIDS , THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP TO TELL THEM NOW I'M REALY ALONE, NO ONE WILL TALK TO ME AT ALL.IT HAS GOTTEN NO BETTER FOR ME, BUT I HOPE AND PRAY IT WILL FOR YOU. GOOD LUCK
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vbd1966
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Reged: 05/20/10
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I feel for you. I really do. I was diagnosed just a bit over 2 years ago. I have a negative partner of 13 years and honestly for the last 2 years I get the same reaction you have... actions speak louder than words. I'd suggest you find counseling or a support group. I've been too busy to do so myself with work, and I know it's killing me a little bit every day to deal with it.
As for when will you think you're just J and not HIV+? I wish I knew the answer...
PM if you'd like to talk outside of a forum. Best to you.
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