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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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amaguy
Newbie

Reged: 11/09/11
Posts: 4
My story
      #258862 - 11/09/11 05:35 PM

Some moments in your life are your choice giving you the chance to make your path. Other moments are chosen for you giving you, what I would like to call a challenge. Every challenge has its a purpose. It will define you as a person and determine who you are as an individual. My challenge came at an unexpected moment. A moment where I have just succeeded due to my determination. Where I just got to my dream and lost it from underneath. It was one that made me learn that success, disappointment, and adaptation are what these moments really are.
I am like most people, I have dreams and goals which I have visions to one day meet. To meet these I play by the rules and work hard. I worked hard, I went to school full time, clinicals, paramedic class and worked 48-72 hours per week. All this paid off after a year I managed to finish managed to pass the NREMT(National Registry of Emergency Medical Technicians) and become a Paramedic. After I had all of my information from the state I started to apply for more jobs around the state to get my dream job as a FireMedic.
I got my first break after taking the written test and passing the physical agility test for a county, I received my first panel interview. I practiced, and got everything in order from pressed clothes to the haircut to look my most presentable. After a few days I received another phone call, I was invited to another panel interview. I again repeated the process and went before a panel of people to get to my dream. After a few days I received a phone call asking me what time would I be available to meet with the chief, I was excited and choose a time. After the interview the chief offered me a job, I was more than thrilled to take it, I thought to myself, I did it I am here I am now on my way! All I had to do was the simple background and drug checks and pass a medical physical, what an easy step I thought. I have done it, I have succeeded.
The next few months where packed, I was more school work to get my AAS, I was working, studying to get a class B drivers license to be able to drive the fire trucks and doing the formal things for HR to start my new career. Three days before I was talking my last two weeks off from my old job and go to a trip to Florida, I had my medical physical. It was easy as normal and passed successfully. Then my life defining moment happened. I received a phone call from the MD to come into her office to review my results. I thought to myself how odd, this normally wouldn’t happen unless she has something important to tell me. Once I arrived at the doctors office and sitting in the room, she informed me that she would not be clearing me and that means I cannot work for the county. I was distraught, and hurt. She stated because my genetic medical condition or “chronic” called Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP). She stated she did not feel safe letting because I could bleed to death in an emergency. She also informed me that I have HIV and that she could help me get follow up care. I was speechless. I started to think to myself, How did I get this? Did I really just loose my job for this or ITP(which I thought on the day I told her she said that was okay)? I was feeling pissed off. I was scared. I know statistics, but even then I see the other extremes too (I have been in healthcare a long time).
Soon after, all of my fears where rolling in, who could I tell? Who doesn’t need to know? Will I loose my boyfriend? Does he have it? How Long have I had it? The next 24 hours of my life where horrific, I never felt so scared in my life. I thought to myself, what a fucking challenge, huh? I mean really of all things why this one?
Since find out, I have had a whole new outlook on life, I am doing things I want to do. I try to keep my boyfriend happy and yes he did stay with me and is being very supportive. We play around a few times a week, he will even have penetrative sex but himself will not receive due to his fear. I recently met his family and that has opened up more emotions. To see what he is willing to give me just because I am me and he loves me, its a wonderful joy to have.
I found out on Aug. 18, 2011 its now almost three months later. I have have stir up of emotions and still not on any medication due to good lab results, I have a very supportive boyfriend and hopefully a partner as we still to this day are planning short and long term goals together. I am me, with a new challenge, I may have lost my dream job but I will meet and set new career goals. I have succeeded, felt disappointment, and have adapted. I will continuously succeeded.

Thank you for reading, if you have any questions feel free to ask, or advice that will help also, I wrote a similar version for a class paper, this was revised and shorter as I have experienced a ton of different things the last three months.

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notinterested
All Star

Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: My story new
      #258883 - 11/11/11 01:43 PM

It sounds like you have a very positive attitude. That is wonderful and important. Keep it up. One thing that I seem to go back to from reading your story is I can't believe they didn't hire you. Maybe it's my ignorance, but why would having HIV hinder you from performing your job well. After going through all the emotions of learning about HIV and getting drs appointments set up and labs done, I would be kind of pissed. Unless you were planning on having unprotected sex with accident victims on the way to the hospital in the ambulance which I'm assuming that wasn't part of your plans, what would the risk be. HIV is manageble nowadays, thank god, so not sure what the risk would have been. But more importantly, I believe and i think you mentioned as well, when one door closes, another door opens and I'm sure whatever door opens for you will be a better one. I think though if that job was something you dreamed of and worked really hard for, I would spend some time fighting for it. Who knows, maybe you can be the one who can make a change. Keep the good attitude. Take care.

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new2this2010
Expert

Reged: 06/22/10
Posts: 119
Re: My story new
      #258889 - 11/11/11 06:59 PM

you cant be that happy. Obviously you feel the need to type all this crap. If your really that happy why waste all the time and effort typing all of this?

Its almost as if youre bragging about the fact that your boyfriend didnt leave you. Whoopdeedoo for you. It is what it is so move on. Nobody needs to hear every single detail of your life. Do you not have anyone else to talk to except this message board? Obviously not.

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notinterested
All Star

Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: My story new
      #258890 - 11/11/11 07:59 PM

I usually don't let bitter, sad people such as new2this2010 get to me, and it doesn't, however I do feel the need to respond. Based on reviewing your post, your angry attack against the original poster, you seem like you are in desperate need of some therapy. Maybe your jealous because you don't have a partner and the original poster does, or maybe your jealous because the orignal poster has a positive outlook on life and you don't,,, hmmmm not sure but I think others would agree with me that maybe you should find another website to troll other than this one where most of us share the stories of our lives, our hopes, our fears and anything else other than the bitterness that you spew. Please do us a favor and move on. I know for myself I won't be reading any more posts with your name on it. Good luck, thanks for playing, buh bye

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kicker
Moderator

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1130
Loc: GA, USA
Re: My story new
      #258891 - 11/11/11 08:38 PM

@peaceandlove

I had to tell this guy something similar the other day on another post. It's obvious that he/she lacks the ability to move past the anger stage of grieving for themselves. Lets you know that this person was all about them before anything bad happened to them in the first place. This person had been on here a while and never has anything but contempt and hatred towards everyone on here and you're right in that any attention they receive just justifies to them that they can do it more.

I suggest anyone who posts on here to ignore this person and realize that he/she is one person and does not represent the rest of us.

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amaguy
Newbie

Reged: 11/09/11
Posts: 4
Re: My story new
      #258892 - 11/12/11 12:29 AM

I wrote this for a final class paper for English. I feel the need to share with other people who experience being HIV+ or knowing people who are. I can cope with a lot of stress, I was an EMT and now a Medic and was in health care 4 years prior. Unlike most people I seen more horrific stuff than HIV. I also have seen people live past the really bad part of the epidemic and are growing old. I can not talk to a lot of people in person ( yes my family knows and some close friends) but like it or not HIV+ still get discriminated on so I have to keep things close to quiet, some of this was a revision of the original paper due to that reason. Am I happy? I am happy I am still alive and not getting picked up by my colleagues for sure. However am I happy about the virus? Hell no, But I can not change the fact I have it, I can only change how I deal with it. I am stubborn and a determined person, it going to take a hell of a lot more than a Virus to bring me down! Everyone looses the war on life at one point or another, its how you fight it and battle it that makes you, well you.

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amaguy
Newbie

Reged: 11/09/11
Posts: 4
Re: My story new
      #258893 - 11/12/11 12:35 AM

Trust, I have thought about fighting it. I still am looking into the way of how the Doctor didn't tell me she was taking that one lab. Now however, She pulled a smart move, she blamed my ITP ( which I had long before HIV ) was the issue not HIV. However I know for a fact it was hiv due to she said ITP was no issue. I since then got a better job paying more just without the firefighting. I also am trying for a nursing program. I went to the doc today for a 3 month follow up got more labs, BF is still neg. and I got my flu shot and pneumonia shot. Doc told me I should start meds to keep my bf safe. me and him discussed and when my labs come back he said we will look at the #'s and go from there. I stay positive, I'll have some sad days but I have a huge social support from parents, grandparents, close friends, and the bf.

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worriedmom61
Newbie

Reged: 11/06/11
Posts: 5
Re: My story new
      #258914 - 11/13/11 10:38 AM

Amaguy, I like your positive spirit , this is what I need to read, my son was diagnosed positive 1 month ago,and is very hard for a mother,I only hope that this feeling will get better,I am a cancer survivor but nothing compare with the pain that I feel now.

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new2this2010
Expert

Reged: 06/22/10
Posts: 119
Re: My story new
      #258917 - 11/13/11 02:30 PM

I could care less what others think about me. I dont live my life based on what others think. I tell it like it is point blank. None of my posts bash anyone. I speak what is on my mind and no one has a gun to your head to make you read what I type. Im not here to hold anyone's hand and baby and pamper them. This board is a discussion board. Believe me, if I were to bash anyone on here you would definitely know it. Just because Im not babying everyone on here and giving medical advice, thats my choice. Say whatever you want about me because I really dont give a damn. Life goes on. If his lover didnt leave him then whoopdeedoo, big deal. I have family for support and most of all I am a strong person. Not weak. There sure are some sensitive people on this board. I dont come hear to read a person's life story. Write a novel if thats what you want people to read. So whatever!

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new2this2010
Expert

Reged: 06/22/10
Posts: 119
Re: My story new
      #258918 - 11/13/11 02:31 PM

LOL

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amaguy
Newbie

Reged: 11/09/11
Posts: 4
Re: My story new
      #258921 - 11/13/11 05:05 PM

No one forced you to read my post also.....and it is clearly marked in the title.

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notinterested
All Star

Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: My story new
      #258922 - 11/13/11 05:45 PM

Agreed. I will ignore his posts. Thanks for the info.

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notinterested
All Star

Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: My story new
      #258923 - 11/13/11 05:51 PM

Did you get a grade back on your paper? You write very well. I've known for 2 years and don't have the courage you have. Sometimes I wish I could tell a few people at work and my partners parents (my parents know) but just can't take the risk. I guess it's an individual thing. These discussion boards are really my only outlet. I used to be terrified and feel bad at the beginning when I would come to these sites, now it makes me feel good as I know I'm not alone and there are others like me out there.

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bartlebyAdministrator
Admin

Reged: 01/19/10
Posts: 660
Re: My story new
      #258929 - 11/14/11 10:40 AM

new2this2010, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. it's great that you are a strong person and have family support and go to your doctor for medical advice, but others may not be as fortunate as you and may want to reach out on these boards. no one is forcing you to read or respond to these posts. if you don't care about someone else's story, don't read it. you may not care, but other people might. so stop causing trouble.

--------------------
Bartleby at The Body
Bulletin Board Administrator

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hellfire
Member

Reged: 10/04/05
Posts: 23
Loc: fl
Re: My story new
      #259037 - 11/17/11 09:26 PM

**cheers for bartleby** .. and for peace & kicker. amaguy, sounds kinda odd to say "im proud of you"... but i am. you & your partner have made a choice to not let HIV define your option & your lives. cheers to you! i know far more HIV- people with seemingly "perfect" lives that bitch & whine & moan about the dead grass, the neighbors car, rainy weather, whining kids... i jus sit back & wonder if they have such a miserable time with that, they could never handle what we all go thru on a daily basis. you are an inspiration. you accomplished your dream, but found out God had a bigger plan for you & youre gonna do it. that's just awesome! know i appreciated your story, i specifically come here to read how other people handle their daily lives & get a little hope/inspiration when im feeling kinda crappy. i'm happy you shared your life with us... and plan on reading anything you have to say or post about how youre doing

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