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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Gizmo
Newbie

Reged: 08/13/11
Posts: 6
Loc: Omaha, NE
Newly diagnosed Positive
      #256966 - 08/13/11 10:52 PM

I was diagnosed HIV positive in May 2011. From what me and my doctor can conclude, I became infected in February 2011. My CD4 count was 760 and my viral load was 400 which is good. The last three months have really been a struggle. I started taking an anti-depressant because I was spiraling out of control. The meds have helped stabilize my emotions but I still feel like my life is spinning out of control. I have taken ambien to sleep every night for the last 3 months but I want to stop. I did finally make an appointment to see my doctor on Monday to see what can be done to get me out of this funk! I feel like my life is out of my control and that drives me crazy since I am a control freak. I also have some paranoria when talking with others….I’m always really worried that others are judging me because I’m HIV positive. I will be talking with my doctor on Monday morning to see what I need to do.
Can others let me know how long it had taken you to accept the fact that you have HIv. It is been 3 months now and I am still having a really rough time.
Thank you for listening.
-Gizmo


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nipPOZ
Newbie

Reged: 08/13/11
Posts: 8
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #256967 - 08/13/11 11:10 PM

hi,Gizmo.I'm Sri lankan. First u should undestand hiv isnt a death sentense anymore.you have long way to go.think you still have your life.enjoy it.don't suffer.I know it's really hard to deal with it bt we have to deal with it. It's a new life.so let the journey bigin.... I always be with u.

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gmwill68
Newbie

Reged: 08/04/11
Posts: 13
Loc: Vermont
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #256978 - 08/14/11 09:51 PM

Hiya Gizmo,
Try some exercises and stretching to tire the body before sleep. Decrease caffeine and any other stimulants 3-4 hours before bed. Good books can help too...

I was diagnosed in 1989. The hardest part of HIV, is the stigma of the virus. Unfortunately, the only way to defeat this stigma is to hit it head on.

Quoting you at "I'm a control freak," that's a very good feature to have, due to adhearance issues. I wish I was that way, I've had many problems over the years.

A Friend
Gary from Vermont


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NcLongtermer
Member

Reged: 03/17/11
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #257003 - 08/16/11 04:12 PM

Hello Gizmo,

I've been POZ since 1985 and what you are experiencing comes and goes. I am presently back in your same cycle because I want to find my soulmate. Considerring that I am 56, POZ, and not into the gay scene all make it very difficult. So, I get anxious and am back on Clonepan and Paxil. Don't like talking them, but there was no quality of life. My depression/anxiety problems would be over if I were in a stable, monogamous, committed relationship.

Good luck my friend.

From Raleigh, NC

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ChasGirl
Newbie

Reged: 08/16/11
Posts: 1
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #257005 - 08/16/11 04:21 PM

Some of your anxiety and paranoia may not be you but could be a reactin to Ambien. This antidepressant's side effects include anxiety (!), hallucinations, insomnia (even tho it's supposed to help sleep). I am walking this road w/ a friend who has been pos for 10 yrs, and has lost days/time, has heard angry voices/hallucinations, and in talking with his HIV dr, we are immed stopping Ambien. Within 24 hrs he started feeling like his head was clearer. Three days later, he has slept more deeply, no hallucinations. I'm not saying its a quick fix, and you have a long psychological road ahead, but start by being candid with your dr, explaining your feelings, and suggsting going off Ambien or its generic equivalent. Good luck. U R not alone.

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810fnt
Newbie

Reged: 09/01/11
Posts: 1
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #257231 - 09/01/11 02:04 AM

I tested positive on april 28 1996, for me I thought life was over. Back then I was taken 23 pills a day, now Im down to 1 a day. I have had up and downs dealing with this just like you. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you this road is easy cause its not. There are times when I still dont take my meds on the regular. All I can is surround yourself around positive people who care about you, that will help. Slow down on the drinking if thats you. Its going to take years for it to sink in. Your going to see life totally different now, every moment you are going count. Be strong time will see you through.


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vagab0nd
Newbie

Reged: 12/07/10
Posts: 8
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #257252 - 09/02/11 07:50 AM

The feeling will come and go. I think being a control freak is not all that bad if you can channel that energy to be in control of your emotions, your thoughts, and your healthcare. I have never been more resilient until I was tested POZ and learned to confront my inner demons. It will make you a stronger person! Good luck!

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begladtohelp
Member

Reged: 06/16/11
Posts: 10
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #257763 - 09/22/11 10:50 PM

Hi,
My partner was diagnosed HIV a year ago (I am negative) and accepting it is not easy but it all boils down to a matter of attitude.I might suggest you read Bernie Segal's "Love Medicine and Miracles" a wonderful book dealing with the role of attitude in fighting cancer. I believe you will find a lot of good in it. Best of luck.
Al

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rob32801
Newbie

Reged: 10/02/11
Posts: 1
Re: Newly diagnosed Positive new
      #258224 - 10/02/11 12:26 PM

Hi Gizmo, I had a tough time too after being diagnosed. Physically I was ok, mentally I was a train wreck. I was very depressed and suicidal. I did not want to live with HIV. The hardest part was that I did not have anyone to talk to that truely understood what I was going thru. My family and friends were supportive but they were all negative and could not really relate. What I found most helpful was a group support group for poz people. I was so scared to go to that meeting but it changed everything for me. At the first meeting, there were two other guys just diagnosed, and at their first meeting too. It was such a relief to talk to people who were experiencing the same as I was. I attended those meetings for about a year. I would probably be still depressed if I hadn't done so. I did individual therapy too, which helped, but the group support had the most impact for me. Most cities have something similar, usually little or no cost, and anonymous. Give it a shot, I think you will find it helpful. Good Luck! It does get much better!

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