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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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New User

Reged: 07/28/11
Posts: 1
On the 25th July, I tested positive
      #256782 - 07/28/11 12:49 PM

Im a 27yr old female, on the 23rd July I went for a screening, although I havent done a test last year. Monday my doc gave me the bad news. I sat stunned, paralysed, my face turned red and my eyes watery.

I got the news at work, I couldnt stop crying, I still cant stop. In hindsight, the sings were there. Im constantly getting sick, normal throat infection, coughing every month I got sick. I guess thats the reason I went for a test (papsmear too) because I asked myself, "Why isnt my body fighting off tflu?"

I only told my boyfriend of 1yr and 6 months, because I was afraid he might overcome the same fate. He is very supportive, but for how long? I only went for one test, on Saturday Im going for a PCR Qualitative test and a viral load, think this will positively prove my status. My doc is as as shocked as I am.

I dont know what to do? Im so scared, I cant tel anyone, because they will look down on me. I got a huge knot on my shoulder, I had to call my medical aid to make sure my tests are covered, then they told me they have an HIV Programme and I got to fill in forms. Everything is just too much too handle, Im not sure if I can survive this, just talking about it gives me a knot in my throat.

Please, Im begging anyone talk to me. Im feeling all alone, angry and dissappionted in myself. No matter what road I take, I end up at the same destination. Misery

I was always depressed and suicidal, then why now am I scared to die?? Is it the shame?

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Reged: 12/02/10
Posts: 69
Loc: South
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256812 - 08/01/11 12:16 AM

Hello...I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I tested positive in 2009 and started meds in December 2010. I have to say that in the beginning I was shocked, cried alot, and felt alone and that life was over for me, but today I feel totally different. I live my life to the fullest. I feel fantastic and normal and I don't let the virus control me or rule my life. It takes time to adjust to your diagnosis, but it does not mean the end of the world or your life. Yes, there are many challenges and feelings, but you will realize in time that you will adjust and live a complete life. You need to make sure you take care of yourself, take your meds when you decide or have to go on meds, and always keep a positive outlook. Surround yourself with good people and have faith, because things will get better and I promise you, you will feel better and normal again. If you ever need to reach out, feel free to send me a message and I will respond. Allow yourself the time to feel all of your emotions and allow yourself time to adjust. Just know in your heart that you are not alone and we all face the same challenges together. Take care and live your life true to you. Peace and love.

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New User

Reged: 01/28/10
Posts: 16
Loc: seattle. wa
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256827 - 08/02/11 10:17 PM

Take a deep breath
You are going to be okay. You are NOT alone. There are a LOT of mixed status couples out there who have been together for years. It's not the end of your life or your relationship.

I was diagnosed with AIDS 3 months after my wedding. My husband was and is still negative. That was a year and a half ago. You don't have to tell anyone your not comfortable telling. That's kind of why TheBody is here. No one knows who you are and we are all basically going through the same thing.

Check out the blogs on this site, do some research. There is always someone on this site to offer an ear and some words to help out newly diagnosed people.

Go to my blog I'm Brooke, you can email me from there. Let me know if you need anything.

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Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256832 - 08/03/11 01:10 PM

Finding out your HIV+ can be a life changing event. Everything your experiencing now is normal. We have all been through it. Know that you will not die today or tomorrow and will most likely live a long life. Also know there are many people such as me who have been down this path and are here to help. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV+ on January 2009. You can check out my blog at the link below. You can go back to 2009 and see what the first months and the past years have been like for me. If you would ever want to email me to talk or ask questions, please do. My email address is on the blog page.
Good luck and know you are not alone.


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New User

Reged: 06/24/11
Posts: 19
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256833 - 08/03/11 01:50 PM

MissCharlie, it's okay just breath honey. I was recently diagnosed a month ago ( a few days before I myself turned 27). When I was a teen I suffered from severe depression and suicidal thoughts and tendencies as well. I'm not saying I know *exactly* what your going through but I can relate quite a bit for sure. First and foremost, you did nothing to deserve this or bring this upon yourself, you are NOT being punished. I promise. I'm very glad your boyfriend is supportive, that speaks volumes. Times will be tough and as you process you'll probablly think all kinds of crazy thoughts, and that's okay. Just let your emotions run, if you need to cry then cry, it's okay. Sucks you found out *at* work too! The day I found out I had to go to work like an hour later and it sucked! I couldn't cry (at work) even though I wanted to, and I'm the kind of person that wears my heart on my sleeve so I had everybody at work ask "What's wrong?" or "Are you alright?" which gets annoying after the first five times! *lol*
It's not a death sentence, it's not a punishment from some invisible space god. It's just a thing that has to be managed...I'm still waiting on the day where the thought "I have HIV" won't smack me in the face, but even now as it does I just let the thought come and go. Look, no use worrying about what you can't change right now. Just live your life. Medicine is amazing now a days and I'm still remaining hopeful that we will see a cure within our lifetime. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.



Maybe you could look into a local support group for HIV + folks in your area? May help you get some perspective on the situation? Whenever your ready though of course.

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New User

Reged: 08/03/11
Posts: 1
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256836 - 08/03/11 05:43 PM

Hey sunshine stop your worrying,
You will be fine the modern meds are great.I tested ipoz just over 2 years ago and have been undetectable for 22 months now and to be honest i've never been healthier. On atripla and virtually no side effects. i have a negative partner and he is still negative and we have no problems with sex etc
If and when you start meds take them correctly keep your doctor appointments and follow their advice and you will be fine. As for telling anyone else.... dont it's no ones business tell who you feel comfortable telling anyone else say nothing.
good luck and try not to worry xxxx

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Reged: 11/30/04
Posts: 113
Loc: United Kingdom.
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256844 - 08/04/11 12:25 PM

Hello, MsCharlie1,

Well, you have done the best thing in the world by bringing your honest feelings right here to this website, Congratulations for having done so. You will find this website so very valuable in the months and years to come. There is a lot of information here and hopefully you will do a great deal of reading here.

Yes, learning that you are HIV+ is an absolutely life-changing shock. You will remember it for the rest of your life. But you must believe everybody here who has already told you, before me, that things "will get better"! They really will, MsCharlie1.

However, they will only get better if you take appropriate action, behave in the appropriate ways. Unfortunately having HIV means that we all have to educate ourselves with regard to this wretched virus, we have to put aside some time every few days to learn more about it, about treatment, about how to handle the side-effects of having the virus and of taking the medications that are necessary. There is a lot to take on board. But you don't have to learn it all at one go. You just have to get used to the idea that from now on your HIV is going to have to be a bit of an on-going project in your life.

Most importantly of all, you need to ensure a good relationship with your HIV doctor(s). You need to feel that you can trust them, but at the same time you must also take ownership and responsibility of your own care. This may mean that you may have to "shop around" until you find an HIV specialist in whom you trust and with whom you really feel comfortable.

Try to think of having HIV as follows. You have a brand new beautiful car. But you've just learnt that it has a considerable flaw and that from now on you are going to have to maintain it very very carefully to keep it running. That's not too difficult to do, is it. Yes, it's going to hurt occasionally whenever you remember that your car is not actually perfect, that it has this serious flaw, but what does it matter, provided you can keep it running well and in fairly good shape, and provided you don't do things to make its condition worse? It's got years and years and years of good mileage in it still!

Be strong, be determined. You can rise to all the new challenges in front of you.


P.S. And, by the way, I still have my devoted HIV- partner of 20 years' standing. 11 years ago when I learned I had HIV he did not desert me. We don't talk about how I got this virus, we don't blame each other. Everyday we simply get on with making the best of now, and the future.

Without a dream, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Keep hold of your dreams.

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New User

Reged: 08/11/11
Posts: 5
Re: On the 25th July, I tested positive new
      #256925 - 08/11/11 01:03 PM

I'm also 26 yrs old and I received my results on july 22th on my sis bday. I'm also scared. When I got the results I was in shock. I went outside crying and mom saw me crying. She ask me are u ok and I say no mom I'm. Hiv positive and she also start crying. My whole family knows except my dad. My partner got tested and he came out positive too. We can do it. Is not a death sentence nomore. Is a cronic disease like diabetes. I'm from houston texas. Keep in contact with me. Together we can fight and win this game. God bless us.

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