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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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PageofCups
Member

Reged: 06/24/11
Posts: 19
Just tested positive four days ago.
      #256309 - 06/24/11 02:21 PM



Hi. On June 21st, the summer solstice, Saint Lazarus's feast day (who I just found out that night that some view as the patron saint of HIV/AIDS patients and caregivers), I tested positive for HIV. My partner of five years (as of June 1) has been positive for about 10 years now. We've been together for five years and during that time I have only been tested once before about a year ago and it came back negative, I figured it was probablly about time to get tested again. Lets see today is the 24th and I feel okay right now, no tears anyways. I was able to be off work yesterday and it was the first time that I got a chance to just be by myself, alone, in the comfort of my home and I think I spent most of the day watching tear jerker movies like Long Time Companion that centered on HIV and AIDS. The weather that day seemed to reflect how I was feeling too because we got hit with a much needed rain storm. I stood out in the rain, being washed by it, letting it wash me clean from the sadness I felt....sorry I'm rambling.
I am overwhlemed with emotions at times that I have to struggle to name; fear, extreme sadness, disapointment, anger. It's not fair that this should happen to us.
They did this finger prick test first, that came back positive. Then, because of the first test they did this mouth swab (which is the one test I was familiar with before)...I haven't got the results back from that. The manager at the clinic I went to actually scheduled me to come in today for a follow up appointment...which I kinda didn't go to. Tough time waking up and I would have to go to work in a couple of hours afterwards. I wasn't sure what my emotional state would be after the appointment and I guess I was just afraid of going into work with red eyes from crying and just being out of it. So I did call them to see about rescheduling on a day when I'm off work so I could just devote my whole day to that, you know? My birthday is this Sunday (happy birthday to me right?) and I requested the following Monday off because I had originally planned on drinking on my birthday and I thought I would need the next day to recouperate...well, new plan. Since I found out I am positive (something I haven't been able to admit verbally to myself yet) I have found myself wanting to quit smoking ciggarettes and cutting back on drinking (not that I drink constantly or even a lot but still). I did have ONE ciggarrette the day after I found out and I told myself it was alright but that will be my last one. Anywho, I'm just rambling and I want to read some of the stuff you guys have posted. I don't think this post will be very profound at all but I do hope to be a positive (pun intended) influence here in the future.

Cheers

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DAH13
Newbie

Reged: 06/03/11
Posts: 7
Re: Just tested positive four days ago. new
      #256318 - 06/26/11 01:49 AM

I only tested positive a short while ago also, and know what you are going through. Each day I wake up wondering what my emotions will be. Yesterday was a very down day, lots of pressure at work, still dealing with finding out i am postitive, and health issues of partner. But today is better, am on vacation and have been on meds for a week now. Fell better physically, might just be hopefull thinking but I will take what I can get.
Any way just letting you know that the swings in emotion seem to be normal and from what I ahve been councelled life will eventually seem very normal again. I susre hope so. I wish you nothing but the best.

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PageofCups
Member

Reged: 06/24/11
Posts: 19
Re: Just tested positive four days ago. new
      #256320 - 06/26/11 02:27 AM

Thank you Dah. Yeah it is now officially my birthday and I'm not an emotional wreck like I thought I would be...I got a little verklemped but nothing too big (yeah woe is me because I found out about my status five days before my birthday). :/
My partner seems to think that because I took the first test while I wasn't feeling good that *maybe* I got a false positive. I'm gonna remain hopeful while I'm waiting on the results on the other swabby test thing, but I'm prepared for the worst just in case. Anyways, thank you so much again Dah for replying. I wish you well...as well

Cheers

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Starboy
Regular

Reged: 12/09/04
Posts: 42
Loc: New York
Re: Just tested positive four days ago. new
      #256388 - 06/30/11 09:44 PM

Good Luck on your next test.. I will say a prayer for you... Hopefully others will do so as well

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