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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Reged: 07/12/10
Posts: 6
Loc: Texas
hit over the head
      #251141 - 07/12/10 09:56 PM

i feel like i've been hit over the head and reeling since being diagnosed as hiv positive. i have spent the better part of two weeks reading everything i can on the internet only to feel overwhelmed, confused, scared. from reading some of the posts on this site, i know i am not alone although that is not how i feel most of the time.

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Reged: 06/18/09
Posts: 322
Loc: Georgia
Re: hit over the head new
      #251365 - 07/27/10 09:52 PM

You know how you feel after eating a good dinner, and having dessert. Not just one serving of dessert but multiple choices like at a buffet. Stuffed! Unable to move. That's what you're going through right now with HIV and your mind.

Welcome to the world of HIV/AIDS! I say "welcome", but I wouldn't be a bit upset if noone else ever joined us.

Take a minute. Shut the books. Turn off the computer and RELAX!!! You are going to live. Unless that bus falls out of the sky and lands on you. Always gotta watch out for falling busses....

The field of HIV is so energetic it's next to impossible to follow everything. And, you coming into it nearly 30 years after the begining! I'm going to tell you what I tell everyone who is newly diagnosed - find a support group and go. Support groups are there for exactly that reason - to offer support. Noone who goes ever has to share although I suspect after time you will. But, they are generally the best place to receive current information. The older info is good to know. But, as this disease progresses treatment progresses. (Send me a private message if you want to hear the stories about the treatments in the early days.) After you've been to the support group a few times you might ask another person if he or she will help you to understand what you're going through. Sort of a mentor. If unsure ask the moderator for assitance in picking someone out.

You don't say, so I'm not going to assume, but at some point in the near future you'll need to start going to a treatment facility of some sort. They do not have big, red ballons advertising why they're there. As a rule the most that MIGHT be shown is a small sign telling the name and/or purpose of the clinic. Where I go doesn't have anything more than the street number. But, when you go to the clinic you're probably going to meet with a very nice, extremely overworked person known as a "Case Manager". He or she will be responsible for helping you to find services and adjust to living with this disease. HELP you. Not do it all for you.

You need to know that this is NOT the end of the world. Don't go out and commit crimes expecting to die before you have to serve your jail time. Don't sell the insurance policy. Don't charge up the credit cards.

I've been living with this disease for well over 20 years. I'm healthier now than I was 10 or 15 years ago. When am I going to die? Never. I've decided that death is too permanant. When I get old (as if I wasn't now) I'm going to travel. I've been to most of the U.S., but there are still a few places and things I want to go to before I kick the bucket. As long as I take my meds and do what my doctors tell me to do I don't forsee death as a current option.

Be scared. Be educated. Be sane. But, enjoy life.

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Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: hit over the head new
      #251375 - 07/28/10 12:59 PM

It is very normal to feel overwhelmed from all the information. I agree with the other post that sometimes you need to turn off the 'information' and process it before learning more. I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. It has not been an easy road but I have survived. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV+ and AIDS. You can go back to January 2009 and see what I have gone through daily and at that time. I welcome any email or questions. We are all in this together and you are not alone. Check out my blog link below. Stay strong. Dave


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New User

Reged: 07/23/10
Posts: 3
Re: hit over the head new
      #251395 - 07/29/10 02:55 PM

Hi sixtwenty3

You are not alone. I myself am relatively a "newly diagnosed" patient. Not only that I just got to know that i am hiv positive last 4 months, i also just know that i am 3/4 way through AIDS phase - CD4 of 56 cells/micromililitres. It was a double hit for me and just like you, I was overwhelmed with the diagnosis & knowing how vulnerable & fragile I was with such extremely low CD4 (not to forget, H1N1 or Influenza A was spreading like wildfire back then), I got confused & scared... was looking for alternative treatments, tried searching for all that i could for "solutions" but i just got more & more confused by the day.

Finding The Body site has been 1 of the best thing for me in regaining my lost hope. You see, we are not the only 1 having this... there are others with similar experience, who are still living to this day, doing well & still breathing. That's a big reassurance that this is not a death sentence... and u know we are not kidding, coz like u, we have the same virus in our blood too

The idea of joining support group is certainly a good idea. But if you dont wish to reveal yourself, perhaps subscribing to The Body's newsletter is 1 of the better option. You have to grasp the fact that the disease is part of you... coz the faster we accept it, the sooner we are mentally & emotionally prepared to undergo treatment (that is if your cd4 has fallen in the range recommended to start your medicaion). It's no use to regret the past but what's more important is to do the right things in the future

Be well!

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Reged: 06/22/10
Posts: 119
Re: hit over the head new
      #251670 - 08/17/10 03:31 AM

Try not reading these post so much, i found that they made me feel the same way as you do so I dont read them so much as I used to. Theres a lot of information out there so just take it in little by little and you wont become so overwhelmed with it. I research advances in HIV and what scientists have discovered and what they are working on in the direction of a possible cure. This site tends to brainwash you into living with HIV, focusing on your treatment, and etc etc. But I have yet to see a doctor post something positive, all they talk about is how to live with HIV. Makes me wonder if they are invested in HIV medicine since thats all they ever talk about. Not one thing have i read from a doctor referencing possible cures. They only downgrade anything that hints at a cure by saying they wont comment on this or that or the other but they comment too much on staying on meds, take this pill or that pill, start your treatment as soon as possible, etc etc. This is kind of strange to me.

I can send you some links to advances in research if you like, maybe that will help a little bit but I do understand how you feel. I have been there and walked in your shoes.

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Reged: 06/22/10
Posts: 119
Re: hit over the head new
      #251832 - 08/27/10 03:44 AM

With all due respect, do you ever even wonder about a cure? I respect that people have been living with this disease for 20 or more years, but what amazes me is that no one ever mentions being interested or concerned about a cure. All they ever say is learn to live with it.

We are in the new generation of HIV and several promising advances have been made so I refuse to take the attitude of learn to live with it. I rather spend my time inquiring about treatment and possible research. Yes I have HIV but it doesnt meant I have to not be concerned about the future of HIV research and possible cures.

Nobody on here seems concerned at all about that and that is kind of disturbing to me. Thats what I mean by brainwashing.

Personally I feel that really good research is being conducted daily all over the world to find a cure so I rather think along those lines instead of thinking about living with this dreadful virus for 20 plus years. I just cant do that!

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