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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

Pages: 1
nevathot
Newbie

Reged: 05/18/10
Posts: 4
Loc: uk
Tested positive last month...its very difficult!!!
      #250388 - 05/21/10 08:46 AM

I tested positive last month and i must say i did not at all expect it..maybe thats why i cant come to terms with accepting it...i disgust myself,im dissapointed and angry..im a very attractive 26 year old african lady and still look perferctly healthy...i grab attention where ever i go,and deep in me i know i wouldnt sleep with any of these men...it makes me angry to think why cant other people who are hiv poz prevent the spreading of this disease...if i can do it why wouldnt whoever i got it from?I have a partner who is negative but i feel i want to be alone...Im lonely cos im very secretive about it....i dont trust my friends,i feel they will spread it around...i cant tell my mum she wil die of heart attack so im left all alone and my partner...its not easy to talk to my partner sometimes cos he doesnt understand how i feel,thats why i want to be alone....i have started medication and im ok so far....i look very lovely but deep inside im boiling and cant stop asking why me??i dont even know what advice i could use....i used to have so many plans,of having a family and so on but my dreams are just crushed...i know the doctor said i can still have kids but i wouldnt want to have kids in this condition cos its just different...i guess wat i need more is someone to talk to....i guess im surving cos im in the UK atleast i know no one nows as there is never confidentiality in our own contries......

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themushroom
All Star

Reged: 02/18/10
Posts: 91
Re: Tested positive last month...its very difficult!!! new
      #250389 - 05/21/10 11:21 AM

I sound like you are more worried about how good looking you think are then anything else maybe you should worry more about the inside of people then outward appearance

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nevathot
Newbie

Reged: 05/18/10
Posts: 4
Loc: uk
Re: Tested positive last month...its very difficult!!! new
      #250390 - 05/21/10 11:43 AM

Im sorry if my words didnt come out as intended...what i meant was that no one can tell Im hiv just by looking at me thats why its my responsiblity to keep everyone safe...looks can be decieving...im not worried about how good looking i am but i am anyway(beautiful) nd i guess it has taught me a great lesson that u cant see it in the outside appearence unless someone chooses to be honest about their status....

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themushroom
All Star

Reged: 02/18/10
Posts: 91
Re: Tested positive last month...its very difficult!!! new
      #250394 - 05/21/10 03:04 PM

Well the good thing is if you take care of yourself there is no reason you can not live a full normal life (including a family) if you want to do it anything is possible. The meds they offer now are top notch and getting better all the time. Honestly I personally believe there will be a cure in my lifetime. Sorry to hear about your misfortune but it is still your life make of it what you want to it is your decision so make it a good one take care of your body and it will take care of you good luck

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nevathot
Newbie

Reged: 05/18/10
Posts: 4
Loc: uk
Re: Tested positive last month...its very difficult!!! new
      #250396 - 05/21/10 05:49 PM


To be honest this site is playing an important role at the momemt and i couldnt be more thankful....i will like to say i hope there will be a cure someday!!I think some of the things I have sort of ruled out as it is fairly new....perhaps in the next months i will be thinkin positive like u and i dread for that moment to come....Well,since i found out Im poz i didnt stop my hobbies i.e gym,yoga etc its just that its something i still wake to cry some nites when it hits me that Im poz(and i guess its normal for the first few months)I appreciate the med that are available and Im aware i have a normal life ahead of me but that doesnt rule the fact that something has changed now...forever...u know what i mean,,,,if i had a choice i would choose to be negative just like anyone else would....Im not willing to tell anyone in my family or friends and i guess whats killing me is tht i have to live this secret life,with no one to talk to openly about it..these are the small things that matter the most....i guess im sad....but as u say its irreversble so i have to look forward!!! thanks for sharing,u make a hell of a difference.....

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Jayjay28
Member

Reged: 05/24/10
Posts: 18
Re: Tested positive last month...its very difficul new
      #250576 - 05/31/10 11:53 AM

i def understand where youre coming from justlike you i dnt really have nobody to talk to but my partner and trust me you dnt have to tell everybody or all of your friends but im sure there is one that yu trust and knw that will keep your secret as of for me i told one of my friends and you will be suprise with the feedback when i told my friend i was hoping for the worse but the feedback was incredible he reacted so differently and supported me and gave me hope that there will be a cure soon and that you can continue your life however not the way you was living it b4 cuz this change was made by God and he doesnt put nothing xtra in your plate if he didnt knw you would be able to handle it and as long as your honest with yourself then he will take care of the rest and i can understand your angryness i feel the same way my take on this is why do people still contracting this if its been around for so long and the awareness level of it is so low and people just ignore it you knw and its tru you def cant really knw if somebody has it just by looking at it im a very attractive dude and in shape and i never knew i had it im thankful that my partner is neg. even tho there is a chance that he might of been exposed. but you cnt just keep it inside even if you dnt tell anybody atleast you can go to a meeting and talk to others thats been in the same situation this site is very helpful but you cant just base yur advice taking from here you knw i tested poz about 3weeks ago and trust me even with all the research ive done on this and im very hopeful that give or take 5-or 10 years a cure will def be found now all we have to do is just look foward change the way you was living b4 and if theres something that you didnt do b4 maybe now its the time to do it you knw. Hope my words help you a lil and hope everything is well if you ever need to talk you can def hit me up ok be good......

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