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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Unlucky2
Newbie

Reged: 03/03/10
Posts: 7
I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared.
      #249622 - 03/03/10 08:46 PM

I just tested 2 days ago and i have a girlfriend that most likely is positive as well... i donyt know how to tell her... she will kill her self (she really would) i dont know what to do i dont know whats going to happen to me.... im so lost and scared!!!! anyone want to talk to me???

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dakotalagrange
Regular

Reged: 07/26/04
Posts: 31
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249624 - 03/03/10 09:19 PM

You are both going to be fine. It is really hard in the beginning. It is like someone taking every emotion that one could feel, rolling them into a ball and placing them into your brain. There are so many questions. However, she needs you right now and you will learn together how to get through this hardship. I have been positive for 8 years and have gone through so many ups and downs. You are both beautiful people and have so much to offer this world. Keep your head up and use the wonderful people on this site to help you, answer your questions and calm your fears.

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Jackie__Blue
Legend

Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249626 - 03/03/10 10:26 PM

Stop. Take a deep breath. There is a very good possibility that your girlfriend has remained negative. It's not unheard of for one person in a couple to find out they have HIV and the other person remains negative.

Your girlfriend does need to test. This isn't an easy converstation, but you certainly will have a better idea of how strong your relationship is after the conversation.

It's so normal to have a hundred different feelings and emotions. It's OK. I'd bet most of us have had those very same feelings and emotions.

I'm 14 years with HIV. Others on here for much longer. You will go on. Life will fall back in place for you.

Be kind to yourself. Find a competent HIV specialist that you trust and can work with and deal with the girl friend issue as it happens. It will all work out. Maybe not the way you envision that you want but it will work out.



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Herc
Newbie

Reged: 02/04/10
Posts: 2
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249644 - 03/04/10 11:48 PM

Hi mate, Firstly, you need to calm down and start to think rationally. If you are certain or even very worried about your girlfriend testing positive and committing suicide, you MUST inform somebody of the possible outcome BEFORE you tell her. You DO have to tell her, but when you do, stay calm and try to offer any help you can and have expectations of how she may react. Have plans in place to prevent anything unfortunate happening (have someone like a medical professional on standby to act immediately). Set yourself a FIRM time and place to tell her and let the professional know where and when you plan to do it. If need be, have an ambulance or emergency staff informed and aware of the possible outcome. Have a friend on standby as a backup plan in case she does do something, have them ready to drive you to hospital or wherever you need to go. If possible have her family and/or friends aware and ready to act or even to be there when you tell her. Try not to over react yourself by panicking or getting upset. you MUST stay calm and think straight! If she will sit and listen nicely, explain how it happened and that there are many good, effective treatments readily available now and it is NOT a life sentence as once thought. Let her know that you will support her through every aspect of it. DON'T spend all your time apologizing, this may just make her feel like it is a "Death Sentence". I have been living with HIV for 3 years now and I was scared when first diagnosed, but now I realize the treatments and help strategies in place today are VERY effective and I am living a totally normal life. If you have any questions and are too shy or embarrassed or fearful to ask the doctors, please feel free to message me and we can talk about it.
I hope this has helped and makes the whole situation easier to cope with. PLEASE take care and don't do anything rash!

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Unlucky2
Newbie

Reged: 03/03/10
Posts: 7
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249645 - 03/05/10 02:10 AM

hey well yea its hard.... i cant do it... everyday it gets harder and i dont know if i can do this.... i cant tell tell her it will kill me and her....

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RogerRoger
Newbie

Reged: 02/18/10
Posts: 2
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249647 - 03/05/10 08:26 AM

You know what will also kill her? - not telling her.

I recently found out that I'm HIV+, but what prompted me to get tested was my boyfriend telling me that he just tested HIV+. At the time, there could have been the chance he had gotten it outside of the relationship and had given it to me - it must have been a very hard thing for him to do, but he did it - and I appreciate it.

Now, after talking, working out the details - we figured out who/where/when, and it's something we got together (a not-so-safe 3way a few years ago). But at time, when I didn't know that.


The sooner that you can tell her, the better. I'm sure you must be going through a very difficult time yourself, and not being able to open up to your girlfriend must be very difficult, and she's probably wondering what's up with you.

While it sucks that both me and my boyfriend are poz, I'm thankful that we have each other while going through this time. It's someone that I can be frank with, talk to, share my feelings, fears, hopes with - and him with me.

We both go through good days and bad days, and usually if one of us is having a bad day - the other person is able to bring the other back up.

But, that aside - your girlfriend has the right to know. If you continue to have a relationship with her, you MUST disclose to her that you are HIV+. Not only out of moral obligation, but out of legal obligation.

The sooner that she finds out, she can get tested and find out herself. Becoming HIV+ can be a very difficult time, and there is allot to do in the first few months in terms of tests/etc to see where you are, when you might need to start treatment, etc.

One of the most important reasons: The sooner you find out, the sooner you can start to manage your condition, and start to take care of yourself to prevent it from taking over your life.

I've already started to eat better, workout more, drink less, and trying to make positive changes in my life so I don't let this virus consume me.

At some point, your girlfriend *WILL* find out, and the longer you delay, the more this news will hurt.


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Daddy_Bearby
Member

Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 25
Loc: Alabama
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249649 - 03/05/10 12:17 PM

Well I am of the old approach method of just going ahead and telling her but that is just my opinion .
I mean if it is after all true love then you both need to know all the facts and factors of dealing with the status of hiv/aids in a relationship be it gay or hetro.
Now when I was diagnosed al those years ago my partner ( of comming up now on 24 years ) was present in the hospital room holding my hand and to this day has never faultered in his care and worring about my health and I more than likely would not be alive if he had not taken the needed measures to ensure that i stayed alive espically after I went into adc/ard *.
But as I said earlier him knowing the facts he educated himself about hiv/aids on his own ( mainly by going to my id dr visits when he was home and reading any and every thing he could on the subject ) to be better aware of what I was going thru in my mind and body and has stood fast ever since because he bothered to learn what we all can and do go thru with living with hiv/aids .
* = Aids Dementia Complex or Aids Related Dementia.
Take your health care into your own hands and live life to it's fullest !
Shalom :
Daddy Bearby,
Pete

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Unlucky2
Newbie

Reged: 03/03/10
Posts: 7
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249650 - 03/05/10 12:47 PM

i know but its so hard just because when i see her she is happy.... we would fight every single day and now we have 2 weeks that we dont fight and she even tells me that she loves me and if i ever hurt her again she wont be able to live.... so imagine what would this do... she is the most sensitive person i know and the one that has been through the worse and now is literly... be been raped, abused( by dad stepdad mom and boyfriend) she tried comitting suicide 4 times.... she cries almost everyday because she hates her life and now she even told me that everything is finally going right and that she is glad she met me and that just hurts me more to know that i might have gotten her infected and she is telling me that she is glad to have meet me... so if she cries everyday for what happen to her in the pass imagine after i tell her.... just me imaganing almost kills me... i love her i dont want to see her suffer.... and if she does end up killing her self thats somthing i will feel guilty for and i would probably join her... this is why its so hard to tell her... i know she is not going to take it well....

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babygirl1107
Newbie

Reged: 03/05/10
Posts: 6
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249653 - 03/05/10 06:20 PM

My husband was diagnosed with HIV about 6 months ago...we werent married yet at the time...if that tells you anything. We were both sooo scared in the beginning and we assumed that if he had it then i had to have it too.. I went and got tested and i'm negative. We've been together for about 4 1/2 yrs and never used protection. So there is a very good chance that she could be negative too. Also, they started my husband on a medication called atripla the beginning of Dec, when he was first diagnosed his viral load was over 700,000, we went to the doctor yesterday after 3 months of meds he's now considered undetectable. So, I know things are scarry right now but as long as you go to the doctor and do what they tell you, you will be okay. And if your girlfriend really loves you, she'll be there to support you, and if she's positive too then you both need to be there for one another. It's not as bad as you think. So, keep your chin up! And if you want to talk i'd be happy to share more of our experience with you.

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Unlucky2
Newbie

Reged: 03/03/10
Posts: 7
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249662 - 03/05/10 09:12 PM

i wish that she is negative cause i dont want her to suffer any more than what she has suffered now... thanks for replying... where r u from if u dont mind me asking??

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LauraJosie19
Newbie

Reged: 03/10/10
Posts: 1
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249708 - 03/10/10 11:38 AM

Honestly... This is what I feel I should say being on the opposite side of this spectrum. I dated a really nice guy and asked him many times if he had been tested not just for HIV but for everything and his reply was "yes, I am in the Army and I have to get tested very often" Little did I know he was lying. I trusted him thought I loved him and come to find out he was cheating. I went and got tested and I thank GOD everyday that all he gave me was Chlamydia. The point is all a person wants is the truth. That's it. So be strong and be there for her and help her through this if she is positive. You need to realize that you didn't possibly infect her on purpose or do it out of spite but you can be the one to save her whether or not she is infected but you seem like you care very much about this girl. Please keep me posted and if you need to talk I am always here to help without any type of judgement. Sincerely, Laura

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RonInDenver
Newbie

Reged: 03/13/10
Posts: 1
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249749 - 03/13/10 07:38 AM

I found out that I was hiv positive just before Christmas 2008. I was devistated. I too have a history of depression and have been suicidal several times in the past. I always told myself that if I ever found out that I had hiv/aids I would kill myself. I was very surprised when I did find out, it actually gave me a reason to make some very positive changes in my life.
At first I was just numb. I started using a lot of drugs and headed for a deep depression, but I started thinking about my future, if I had one, and if I wanted to have one. It turned out that having another person going through the exact same thing at the exact time (my partner also found out he was + at the same time) was a blessing. We had a lot of questions and needed to take turns supporting each other. We are much closer now and things are looking up.
If your girlfriend is positive you do not want her to feel alone in this. If she feels betrayed by you not telling her, and she finds out some other way she will feel alone. That is the worst thing that can happen to a person suffereing from depression.
I would first tell her how much you love her, and that her happiness is the most important thing. You have to tell her all of the things that you have been saying on here. You have to make sure that she KNOWS that you will not abandone her in this hard time.
Please love her and yourself and talk to her. You both can then contact your local HIV orginization and get a lot of assistance. Do not let anything stand in your way. If you have financial issues, addiction issues, housing issues, need mental health support, or anything at all they are there to help you. I promise you will be better off after.


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help290
Newbie

Reged: 03/23/10
Posts: 5
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249846 - 03/23/10 10:13 AM

Did you have any symptoms? What made you get tested? I think i might positive and I will have to tell my girlfriend also.

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Jackie__Blue
Legend

Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #249860 - 03/23/10 06:24 PM

help 290

It seems you're just the person to answer my questions!

What makes a person that has conclusively tested negative decide to harass a person that is dealing with the initial stages of living with HIV?

Why would such a person think the newly HIV+ person wants to rehash any part of what made them get tested or whether they had symptoms or not?

Why is it that Worried Wells can't accept repeated negative tests and their only reason is the worn out old excuse that they 'HAVE HIV SYMPTOMS'? What part of the fact HIV symptoms are non-specific do they not comprehend?

Why do Worried Wells feel that anyone living with HIV should be an open book and answer any questions that pop in their head?

Is their behavior because they are conscienceless, self-absorbed, or just rude?

What is their reason for ignoring posting guidelines?

Just wondering? I'm sure you don't mind all these questions.

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marie123
Newbie

Reged: 09/11/12
Posts: 3
Re: I tested positive 2 days ago... im scared. new
      #266478 - 09/11/12 11:40 PM

I tested positive a few months ago I am scared to I got my new CD4 cout and its went down in a few months I just want someone to talk to

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