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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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TDE1966
Newbie

Reged: 11/18/09
Posts: 1
Now that I am positive
      #248492 - 11/18/09 11:09 PM

I discovered I was HIV + for definite on Mon 9th November, 2009, just a couple of weeks before my 43rd birthday.

I had been avoiding this thing for 27 years; not only frightened of it but terrified of it. In my naivety I believed that I may be immune to it, because I had been tested so many times and was always negative. The last test was in August 2009.

Now that I am HIV + I am no longer frightened of this thing. In fact, I welcome it into my life. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it? Why would anyone welcome this into their life? But I no longer have the fear of it, the anxiety. I have a reason, another reason to get the very most out of my life: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. I have another reason, as if I needed one, NOT to take drugs, I have a reason to organize my life and to fight for it.

I don't really know what the future has in store; I only know that I will be part of it, convinced, at last, that it holds a place for me. I know that I will fight for every day, every hour, every minute and that I will be ever grateful for the self-knowledge and understanding that being an addict in recovery and an HIV + man brings.

I am looking forward to the future, I am grateful for the blessings of the past but more than all of this I am finally happy in the now. I am going to fight this thing and I am going to beat it, I am going to use its energy for my own strength and I am going to learn from this and go forward; progress.

This is not the future, this is not the past; this is now and I am in it. It is a wonderful thing.



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rm8471
Member

Reged: 04/13/09
Posts: 11
Loc: United States
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #248558 - 11/23/09 06:49 PM

As bizarre as it sounds to some, I do understand where you are coming from, for sure. Once one is confronted with the reality of their mortality, something we spend most of our life denying, living as if we have "forever" at our disposal, we are enlightened to realize the precious moments we have are what enrich our lives, each moment we have, each moment we share, with another.

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GirBot
Member

Reged: 11/23/09
Posts: 22
Loc: Western United States
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #248566 - 11/23/09 08:13 PM

I think many of us can, at least in part, relate to what you are saying.

Testing positive really was a wake up call. Life took on new meaning and much of what seemed so important before was finally seen for what it really was... pointless and self-serving. It has turned into a great blessing.

That said, I do have one regret. I wish I could have come to these life affirming conclusions without the "help" of something so omnipresent. Now that I want to do more with my life, I'm frustrated that so much of it deals with THIS! *laugh*

Good luck with you. We're all in this blessed mess together.

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Superhero
Newbie

Reged: 11/23/09
Posts: 2
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #248567 - 11/23/09 08:16 PM

It's a strange paradox but I understand your feelings. I am 49 and just tested positive almost 2 months ago. Although I would prefer to be negative we live in a very different world than when I was 29. My therapist refers to it as "the blessing of the curse"; life takes on new meaning when faced with one's own mortality. But as a gay man who has witnessed the AIDS epidemic from the start my mortality has always been in my face so to speak. I never expected to live past 40 and here I am approaching 50. And with or without HIV turning 50 is a moment of pause for everyone...it really is clear I have more than likely passed the half way point! Still every test I took was supposed to be "positive". And as one long term surviving friend of mine said, if there ever was a "good" time to seroconvert now is the best time in the course of the disease. But I don't want to send the wrong message either especially to anyone who is engaging in risky behavior. There is still a huge stigma attached to it. I happen to live in Los Angeles where I have an amazing support system and top notch medical care - I suppose you can embrace your HIV but I prefer to accept it for what it is, incorporate it into my life as part of who I am - but it doesn't define me - and yes live life to it's fullest. Why wouldn't you?

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Choosing2Liv
Legend

Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #248580 - 11/24/09 12:47 PM

Quote:

I am looking forward to the future, I am grateful for the blessings of the past but more than all of this I am finally happy in the now.... I am going to use its energy for my own strength and I am going to learn from this and go forward; progress.




With that kind of attitude, you WILL succeed!

It took many of us years to get where you are (mentally & emotionally). Now that we're here, we've discovered that it's a it's a wonderful place to be. Hopefully, you will avoid many of the unnecessary heartaches that we've endured.

Best of luck to you TDE1966! Keep posting.

-Gary

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braveheart101
Newbie

Reged: 10/19/09
Posts: 1
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #248585 - 11/25/09 01:42 AM

I am recently diagnosed, well 6 months now, and it came as a huge shock as I too was tested regularly. my partner was diagnosed for 5 momths before telling me but am not sure if he or I got it first...oh well! am trying to move on. I am 56 yrs and thought I was managing it all quite well. However have to say that even though all the medical results are right, I dont think I can manage now. its all weighing too heavily on my mind. am very fit and have always eaten well and looked after myelf but I am losing motivation for work, the gym and life. sad huh but am now resigned to it. have had extremely high cholesterol for many years so decided to go off the medication and let nature take its toll. nearing retirement but now dont want this ever to move to an AIDS related condition... it would kill me!! ha ha. braveheart101

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andyj
Newbie

Reged: 12/30/09
Posts: 1
Re: hi me to new
      #248955 - 12/31/09 11:21 PM

well I'm from New Zealand and I'm just trying to make contact with other HIV positive guys, I only found out two months ago I became very sick and ended up in hospital for weeks the week before I left the hospital there for me of my status, which was a very big shock I never imagined his most people think I would ever get HIV
but all I can do now is remain on my medication and stay positive by in a very friendly person in fairly intelligent I just want to connect and talk but that the guys peace Andrew

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bnagayguy
Regular

Reged: 01/29/09
Posts: 25
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #249344 - 02/09/10 12:18 AM

It is absolutely remarkable that you have embraced HIV and being HIV+ so quickly....it is indeed very rare that, that happens.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

It's rather grand to know you're taking ownership of your life right here, right now!!

Continued Success!!

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worried09
Regular

Reged: 02/03/10
Posts: 27
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #249356 - 02/09/10 01:16 PM

I am also looking forward to a good health long lasting life with my wife and kids,sometimes who have to make the best of things and this is one of them.No lookin back i have it and that's that i have to keep moving forward and not look back that's not for me anymore.

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Daddy_Bearby
Member

Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Alabama
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #249686 - 03/08/10 07:29 PM

Welcome to the fold my man ( or in this case welcome to the state of poz).
Most of us might have had sex in one form or another and contracted hiv/aids but now that it has been down graded from a death sentence by the health powers that be it's just another reason to take care of your self ( or in a lot of cases begin taking care of your self ).
Now with hiv/aids being a chronic disease much like diabetes or any of the other myrid amounts of diseases you have to do what you have to do to play safe and enjoy life as if the disease wasn't even within your person .
I know that the day I outed my self as being poz enmasse to my leather breathern I had made a conscious choice about the decision just minutes beforehand and I am not sorry that I made the facts known because making a move among my peers well to be honest I was afraid I would be shunned by all those in attendance but much to my surprise I was greeted with open arms for making the fact that " I am POZ " known to any one that could hear my words.
Now I know that a lot of people have not come out to family but that's some thing that i know has benefitted my psyche in the long run because having my family at my side along with my partner ( altho I should call him husband after the past 24 years as a couple but this red state we reside in is so back woods that even the trees are afraid to shed their leaves in the fall now days ) and between him and my family I have never failed to have some one come to my aide no matter what the situation that might arise so take your parents by the hands tell them you had some bad news then try and be as gentle because this news as with any thing of this magnatude will wreck havoc on their mind ( s) .
But now at the age of " the oh no the big 50" I sure am glad my mother and partner bucked the doctor's orders to leave them room when I found out that I was poz because having them hear it right from " the horse's mouth " saved me much of the afore mentioned strife about telling my mate and parents who have in fact made my life a much better place to live now that all concerned have some thing to discuss ie: medicare part d when we congragate as a family

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ladyj1892
Member

Reged: 02/11/10
Posts: 15
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #250788 - 06/17/10 04:19 PM

where should i begin on my tenth birthday i was sexually abused by my father and he continued doing this i really wanted to get away from him i started running away i contracted the h iv virus at 16 years old i began an attitude that i dont care what happens i was going through life as if i been handed a death sentence but you know what gods given me four reasons to change my way of thinking am now 31 doing fine with four teenage kids and a grandkid on the way i am now on meds since december but i feel great at first i began getting sick when i first started meds but now they switched me am taking something am comfortable with and i now have good reports am undetectable and doing fine so please dont look as this the way i did there is help out there

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lostmysak
Newbie

Reged: 07/21/10
Posts: 1
Re: Now that I am positive new
      #251266 - 07/21/10 08:39 PM

I just learned today about my status. I could not believe that my result came back positive. I had entire life practiced safe sex, yet somehow I was not safe enough to protect my health. Now I am mentally coping with the news and I cannot accept such reality. I am scared, worried, frustrated, determined... I was entire life afraid of HIV and now I when I have it, I am not scared of it anymore.

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