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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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RandyNnyc
Member

Reged: 11/13/09
Posts: 13
Loc: NY, NY
1st week as positive
      #248416 - 11/14/09 08:36 PM

I just read several of the posts here...I recently tested positive too...i found out on November 5th at a routine visit to my regular doctor. I did not suspect it at all (i guess noone expects to hear the news). I'm still partly in a state of shock/denial i guess, but i did go see a specialist. I get my next blood test results on this coming friday (finding out my viral load level and my t-cell count) and my doctor and I will determine if I should begin treatment now or wait.

I asked for some literature and my doctor gave me a book which i am finding somewhat comforting and I like the way it's written. The book is: The First Year-HIV, 2nd ed. by Brett Grodeck.

I'm experiencing some of the same things others are currently posting and things I've read about what to expect emotionally. I cannot tell anyone yet--I have not even told my closest friends. I'm not ready to seek out any kind of support group yet either (i guess part of the denial) but would like to find someone to talk to--another newly diagnosed person and/or someone that's been living with HIV for awhile.

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ruralguy
Regular

Reged: 07/08/09
Posts: 27
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248424 - 11/15/09 10:02 AM

You will get through this and be fine. I found out the same way. I recommend Joel Gallant's book and google his website at John's Hopkins. The web has lots of good resources but be careful of reading old stuff. The science has been rapidly changing and reading old stuff will freak you out. Do something nice for yourself.

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RandyNnyc
Member

Reged: 11/13/09
Posts: 13
Loc: NY, NY
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248426 - 11/15/09 08:40 PM

thanks for the reply....i guess i've just put myself in an emotional holding pattern for now....i'm waiting for my next dr. appt to find out my viral load and t-cell counts. I know I will be fine (thanks!) and I'm not freaking out and am not completely in denial....i guess emotionally I've just put it in a box and put it away for now. That's not to say I don't think about it....I have almost constantly the past week. in some ways it's good i'm so busy at work right now. i know at some point I have to talk about it with someone because that's the only way I will really deal with it myself, but i'm not ready to say that i'm positive to anyone. I have fears right now about health (how careful do I have to be about things, etc) which I will discuss with my doctor and another fear is about not having sex....sounds like its a normal fear/trepidation from some of the stories i've read, but i've been pretty sexually active and i fear (i know it's irrrational) that no one will want to have sex with me now.

I'm rambling.....I will check out the book and web site you recommended. thanks....R

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Preston110409
Newbie

Reged: 11/11/09
Posts: 4
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248428 - 11/15/09 09:50 PM

Hi. I was diagnosed on 11/4/09 and was in shock as well...still am to a certain degree. It has been tough accepting and tougher just facing an unknown world. I have been lucky to have a close friend that dated someone with HIV who has become my shoulder to cry on and ears to listen to my fears. Also to hear the stories and the experiences that everyone is going through has helped my greatly....

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RandyNnyc
Member

Reged: 11/13/09
Posts: 13
Loc: NY, NY
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248429 - 11/15/09 10:00 PM

Hi preston thanks....i'm still somewhat in a state of shock too, i guess. I actually used to date a pos guy...not likely where i got it from though because we haven't seen each other in a year and a half. So the whole idea of being infected doesn't completely scare me...i know i should live a long and fulfilling life. The things that bother me the most right now are the unknowns--hopefully some of that will be addressed on my next doctor visit. I still haven't told anyone yet....not sure why but i'm not ready to.

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RandyNnyc
Member

Reged: 11/13/09
Posts: 13
Loc: NY, NY
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248431 - 11/15/09 11:43 PM

Finally having my first cry about all of this....

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Preston110409
Newbie

Reged: 11/11/09
Posts: 4
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248437 - 11/16/09 03:19 PM

Trust me I understand... I actually had my visit with my provider this past Friday. I had more blood work done and will find out this week about my viral load and CD4 count I guess. I don't know what to expect but I am trying to go by my life as "business as usual". Best of luck with your doctor's visit....

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luckyboyLA
Newbie

Reged: 11/17/09
Posts: 1
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248462 - 11/17/09 08:33 PM

Hi. Thought I might add some perspective from a real old timer. Fifty-six and 27 yrs poz.Yes, I take a lot of meds. No, it has not been without a price. Two hips replaced and early onset heart disease, 3x bypass @ 48 and tw0 stents since. (strong family history and used early PI's). And kinda skinny and no butt. Also used all front line meds now discarded as they came out. So what? I ride my bike, drive my car, play with my dog, eat pizza, and scream back at Fox News on TV just like every other HIV neg gay man out there my age does. My advice to you Randy. Wake up each day and be happy. You're still going to get to live to be an old theater queen, lol.

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rick1960
Newbie

Reged: 04/15/09
Posts: 1
Loc: salisbury,md
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248463 - 11/17/09 09:08 PM

-why on earth would you want to postpone starting treatment for this virus which isn't going to go away whether you tell someone about it or not - why is it important for you to tell someone about this - if you are exhibitting any physical symptoms - those who pay attention to you will be able to sense that there's something different about you - all the while that i was losing weight - i just thought it was because i was cutting down on my appetite and working out harder - get some pictures of yourself now and look at them from a different perspective ( not the one you see in the mirror every day) - my brother showed me some of me taken at a party and i was covinced that i was just a little leaned out - today i can look at that same pic and say i must have been nuts looking at that and convinced at the time i looked fine - you'll be alright - choose a good hiv specialist to confide in - not just someone listed as an infectious diseases specialist - i have no detectable viral load now and it took me abt 4mos. of everyday meds to get there - stop worrying about what other people will say - it's not their business - you'll be fine - a year from now you'll look back and realize that it's never as bad as it seems at the time ........................

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DJones
All Star

Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248465 - 11/17/09 09:29 PM

Hey buddy. You will read a lot of good advice at this web sight. I was diagnosed in January 2009. It has not been an easy road, but I am still alive and do most things I want to do at this time. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV+. A week later I found out I had AIDS. I have been very honest in my blog about every day's feelings and fears. From highs to lows. I at one time even thought about ending things. You can read all the way back to January at the web sight link below this posting. Dont worry about telling people or not, it will happen on YOUR terms. One thing I learned, once you tell someone, you can never take it back. So go slow. With that said. Please reach out to someone you can trust with this. I found out very quickly how I needed people like me. I have met some of the nicest people since January. Good luck. Check out my blog. And feel free to contact me anytime at djones2659@att.net

--------------------
http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/

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rainmountains
Newbie

Reged: 08/21/09
Posts: 2
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248471 - 11/17/09 10:55 PM

Well I just wanted to add my two cents. I'm sorry to hear that you got bad news, however, don't despair. This will turn out to be probably the hardest period of your life (these first few weeks) but someday soon you'll be able to joke to yourself about having hiv. I know that doesn't sound super comforting right now, but the point is that you are going to be ok. You are going to realize that this isn't as bad as you had thought. In many ways having hiv will add meaning and depth to your life. It will help you be thankful for the things you have, and it will make you into a much more empathetic person. This is hard to live with, but every day offers a new beginning, really. Don't let your heart be wounded, because you can withstand the fires of fear and anxiety that will come with these first few weeks and months. Concentrate on changing your life to be the healthiest person you can be, both physically and mentally. It's true that you were dealt a bad hand, but your new life begins now, and it can still be just as amazing and fulfilling as you always hoped. Keep your chin up! There's a million other people who are going through the same thing and we're here for you.

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Choosing2Liv
Legend

Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248485 - 11/18/09 05:29 PM

Sorry to hear about your news Randy, but am happy that you're dealing with your new situation. Read, post, become informed and definitely cry when you have to. In the end, all of this will make you a stronger, more empowered person.

Best wishes man,
Gary

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RandyNnyc
Member

Reged: 11/13/09
Posts: 13
Loc: NY, NY
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248511 - 11/19/09 11:16 PM

thanks Gary....dr. visit tomorrow...will find out my viral load & cd4 count for the first time

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RandyNnyc
Member

Reged: 11/13/09
Posts: 13
Loc: NY, NY
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248512 - 11/19/09 11:18 PM

thank you...that means a lot. I need to meet some other positive people (doube entendre intended) like you!

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Keane
Newbie

Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 1
Re: 1st week as positive new
      #248536 - 11/22/09 02:15 PM

Hi, I tested positive same week you did and im also waiting for the other tests. I trust god everything will be fine.

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