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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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New User

Reged: 06/16/09
Posts: 12
A New Beginning
      #246153 - 06/16/09 09:00 PM

One week ago, after a routine yearly physical, I found out I was HIV Positive. No one would ever be able to know looking at me...I'm in my 40s but still hold on to the 32" waist I had in college...I've worked out all my life and although I've partied hard at times in my life, I've stayed away from dangerous drugs such as meth and all those crazy drugs with letters for names. I eat right, stopped smoking and most other facets of my health are far better than average for men my age.

I have been with the same wonderful guy for over 4 years now. 4 days ago he also tested positive. We have 2 young kids from my previous marriage and their mom is battling breast cancer. She starts chemo next week and is moving in with us for a couple months until she's on her feet. She doesn't know. No one knows except for our wonderful health care team and us.

My CD4 count came back at 183. This is apparently AIDS level weakness. My partner thankfully is in the high 400s but he's suffering from acute depression and I think the only reason he gets out of bed is because he knows how much it pains me to see him so sad. We started him on antidepressants a few days ago and he's seeing some glimmer of improvement.

To top it off, I have a history of lung infections and am anxiously awaiting my viral load level and genotype. I am on Bactrim now in order to fight on a certain type of opportunistic infection that could attack my body and is common with HIV+ patients. I just checked myself out in the mirror this morning and I think I have the start of thrush. I've emailed my doctor to see about meds for this. Aside from all of this and other than feeling a little manic, I feel healthy and ready to battle this illness.

I truly believe that this is the path God has chosen for me - and I'm not a religious man, however I have experienced more than one otherworldly things in my life to KNOW there's something beyond this life. I intend to fight this with every bit of my heart and soul in order to stay healthy, and use what science there is to get back to health and on with life - with a new focus, spirituality and approach to holistic wellness.

My honey and I are both in counseling as well and I recommend this to anyone dealing with this tragic news who either has the coverage or can afford it. In one hour I uncovered a couple great coping mechanisms that have enabled me to plan my approach to work and loved ones over the next few very challenging weeks.

For now we wait for our viral loads and genotype...the wait is EXCRUCIATING!

Well, I know I rambled a bit here. I am strong...although my test results so far don't tell that story - my spirit is strong...and at the end of the day, that's all we have.

Health and Happiness to you all...

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New User

Reged: 06/10/09
Posts: 17
Re: A New Beginning new
      #246198 - 06/17/09 06:07 PM

I read your story and I can relate to some of it. i partied hard in college and yet kept in really good shape. i am 35 and still have my 32 waist!! I work in the medical field so I have had a couple false positives in the past. I test myself randomly. I actaully wa gettinga physical and cholesterol check when I decided to have the test me. It came back positive.
I do not look sick or even feel sick...yet. i have been tired more, which I think is just the stress of the situation and I ahve been working 50-60 hour weeks. Including getting called into work throughout the night.
My cd4 count was 139 and my VL is upto 10878. i am sure it will be lower/higher since those are 2-3 weeks old. My nurse doesn't know how to read the genotype charts, so I have to wait for the doctor. Hopefully, I have a mild strain or not that aggressive. I hear there are different strains or medication resistant HIV out there. I should have seen a doctor weeks ago, but I put work and many other things ahead of myself and my needs. I feel it is hard to keep this discreet when I work in a really small office. So i work around my days off. Unfortunately, if we are busy i do not get a day off. makes it hard to schedule appointments
I am not much of a religious person either. i know there is a higher being and most likely it is God. i just have a real problem with the different religions out there. Can't decide which is the right one for me.
My wife is negative, at least until she is tested again in a month. I did find myself praying to God for her health. I wonder if that makes me a hypocryte.
I hope your partner find the reason to be happy again. There are worse things out there to contract than HIV. He is lucky to have a partner to lean on. My wife has been there for me and keeps me facing/moving forward.
Good luck to your ex-wife and her treatment...hope everything goes well for her and for you 2.
Pardon my spelling errors and my rambling.

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New User

Reged: 06/16/09
Posts: 12
Re: A New Beginning new
      #246200 - 06/17/09 06:53 PM

I think one could figure out you like to have a good time by your online handle! :-) I can relate to what u have to say as well. One piece of advice I can give u is to talk to work and let them know you're having some health issues and need to have more job flexibility for the time being. [Not sure that's an option for you tho] I've spoken to work and haven't divulged details but have tied my current need for flexibility to past respiratory issues. It's not lying as that's my most vulnerable point in my body, so perhaps you might have something that you can tie to your life and let people know u might need a bit of slack for a few months. I got my viral load back yesterday and it was around 11,000, which my doctor said is not too bad. One day at a time, bro. Eat right, Rest...if u can't rest, get on some meds...u seem to be doing all the right things...EXCEPT for NOT putting yourself first...if you're not healthy, you're not going to be able to be your best for your wife, your employer or others around you. Thanks for responding to my post. And ramble on anytime, bro! :-)

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New User

Reged: 06/16/09
Posts: 12
Re: A New Beginning new
      #246203 - 06/17/09 09:13 PM

Just an update on my world:

Viral load came back at 11,000 [my CD4 was 187 or something at time of test]
Starting meds for thrush...fungal infection...apparently not a big deal
Meet with nutritionist today
Meet with therapist tomorrow
Still at work everyday - being busy helps
Waiting for genotype and then its on to HIV treatment.

Hubby's viral load came back at 4000...thank God. His CD4 is around 450. He's on Prozac to combat the depression.

We're both taking stuff to help us sleep...8-10 hrs a night

I am ready to kick this virus in the ass [do viruses have asses???]


that's it for now.

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New User

Reged: 06/16/09
Posts: 12
Re: A New Beginning new
      #246354 - 06/29/09 06:19 AM

It's been almost 3 weeks since being diagnosed. I've told my boss who was super cool about it - she's going through her own health challenges with one of her kids, so I thought sharing might help her and I think it did and helped me in the process.

I have started taking Atripla. Me genotype came back solid with no known resistance, so my doc's thinking this is going to squash the viral load and hopefully through taking care of myself and some luck my CD4s will climb back up over 200.

I've stopped crying spontaneously, started working out again [even though I just screwed my knee running [DOH!] and passed on this year's pride celebration - been there, done that. It's about living healthy every day and focusing on the inner me - one day at a time.

Peace and love to you all.

Just updating in case anyone is interested.

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Reged: 05/13/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: A New Beginning new
      #246355 - 06/29/09 02:07 PM

of course we're interested.It sounds like you're starting to come to terms with everything,that's good.and reaching out to help somebody else is good.Very hard to do when you're down in the dumps worrying about your self,and on getting back to exercising.You sound like you're doing good
Take care

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Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: A New Beginning new
      #246360 - 06/30/09 01:24 AM

I read all your posts. I just found out this past January I had AIDS. TCell of 106 and viral load of 334,000. Yes, you read those numbers correctly. My partner of 20 years is negative and has stood by my side from the moment my life changed forever. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV and then AIDS. Check it out, it might give you a take on what you might be in for taking Atripla like I am. I developed thrush, sores in my ears and nose, pain on my tonque when I brushed my teeth as well as many other things. Feel free to email if you want to talk. Dave


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