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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Chad_NY
Member

Reged: 02/04/09
Posts: 10
Im Alone & Scared in NYC
      #244335 - 02/04/09 06:25 PM

Im 26 and I tested positive on Dec 29th, 2008. I was in serious disbelief. I live alone and my family is from the caribbean where there is a fear of HIV/AIDS and they brutally beat gay people or kill them. I have no friends and no one to talk too. I went to get my immunology results today and the only thing i didnt do was cry.

My CD4: 193
V/Load: 43,000

Right now im so overwhelmed with emotions, my doctor told me i need to come back in 2 weeks and start medication. I love life so much, but now i feel like death is at my door.

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hopefulone
Master

Reged: 12/05/08
Posts: 130
Loc: NY, NY
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244344 - 02/04/09 09:25 PM

there are many of us in nyc....feel free to chat here. you are not alone.

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tooyoung14
Newbie

Reged: 02/04/09
Posts: 1
Loc: San Francisco, CA, USA
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244345 - 02/04/09 09:58 PM

You definitely are not alone. I am 23 years old, from NYC and tested positive in April of 2008. I am usually a very energetic, full of life and optimistic person and after hearing that I was positive I just couldn't even manage to smile. It took me about 5 months and lots of talks with different people to finally realize that nothing much has changed. You are still the same person you were before you got tested and heard that you were positive. I still have not told my family as my family is very traditional Puerto Rican and believe that AIDS is God's way of killing "fags". However, they are slowly coming around. Time is the biggest healer and in time you will be able to share this with them as well. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Talk to your friends, attend a support group if you think you can handle that or talk to a medical professional. One resource that I will recommend is the Callen-Lourdes Community Health Center on 18th st. and 8th ave. (not 100% but pretty sure those are the streets). Look them up and give them a call, they offer free counseling sessions for people with HIV and could help you figure out when would be the best time to start meds. Feel free to message me if you would like to talk some more. Remember, you are not alone!

Take Care,
Drew

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244349 - 02/05/09 12:06 PM

Chad

I totally get where you are coming from. Like you, I am from a deeply religious island community where being batty boy is as bad, if not worse, than fiddling kids for kicks.

You are bound to feel a bit overwhelmed at first and I know it hard to believe right now, but things really aren't as bleak as they look. I've been poz for more than seven years, since I was fifteen, and on treatment for the last three. I am fitter and healthier than I have ever been and I love almost every waking moment of my life.

I am not going to pretend that HIV, that ever present pest of a friend who follows me everywhere, isn't constantly there and ready to leap at every opportunity to remind me that it is there – normally at utterly passion killing moments - but, for the most part, I get to forget, work, live, dream and laugh like everyone else. What I am trying to say is that you will be amazed at just how normal you and your life can continue to be.

It will be a major shock that you have to start treatment straight away, but even there you will soon find cause for optimism. I started treatment with a viral load and CD4 count that was almost exactly the same as yours – and only ten days later I was celebrating the fact that my viral load had gone undetectable. I am not saying it will happen in two weeks for you; but you will see the changes very quickly and in a month or two you will probably be finding that same cause for celebration. Keep finding those little causes and it wont be long before you are back to loving life and having ambitions for the future.

Anyway, dude, I know this is all empty verbiage at the moment; but try to keep the faith and believe that it does get better .. and in the meantime, if you need to talk, there is always a willing ear here.

Ruairi x


--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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hopefulone
Master

Reged: 12/05/08
Posts: 130
Loc: NY, NY
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244360 - 02/05/09 09:19 PM

what kind of moments do you refer to when you say "passion killing moments"? just curious....new to this.

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Chad_NY
Member

Reged: 02/04/09
Posts: 10
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244361 - 02/05/09 10:29 PM

Im happy that the weekend is approaching. I can stay indoors and not deal with work or school. All types of symptoms are starting to appear, Im not sure if its in my mind or really happening, im having headaches, my neck/throat feels tight and strained and now when i caugh it tastes like metal (i read online that it could be a sing of blood in/on my chest). I dont like being paranoid but thats how i feel. Thanks for the positive support guys. I'll be looking into a support group over the weekend.

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244367 - 02/06/09 03:50 AM

Stress does some really strange things to us, Chad. If you can, just try to relax, set yourself up for a comfort weekend and try to pamper yourself. You deserve it.

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244370 - 02/06/09 05:08 AM

Moments when impotence, brought on by the momentary distraction of HIV and your toxic load, aren't what you would wish for

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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hopefulone
Master

Reged: 12/05/08
Posts: 130
Loc: NY, NY
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244383 - 02/06/09 08:34 PM

chad, i had been working out in my home gym, but decided to join a gym after i learned i was poz.....i take cycling classes three times a week and a yoga class once a week....tonight i just worked out and ran....find somerhting you can do to relieve stress....yoga was new for me, but it is fabulous....

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hopefulone
Master

Reged: 12/05/08
Posts: 130
Loc: NY, NY
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244384 - 02/06/09 08:35 PM

oh my...i havent been able to muster up the desire to ahve sex with anyone but my own hand...

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Chad_NY
Member

Reged: 02/04/09
Posts: 10
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244385 - 02/06/09 11:21 PM

I know thats right, I dont feel like being intimate with no one neither. Just to update everyone: I've been on SULFAMETHOXAZOLE/TRIMETHOPRIM for the past 2 days and now i have developed oral trush, I dont know if thats a side effect but i dont like it. I have to do a chest x-ray soon for my doctor and I'll be starting HAART (a pill start with the letter A, 3 drugs combined) in 2 weeks.

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244386 - 02/07/09 03:52 AM

The thrush is almost certainly a side-effect of the trimethoprim / sulfamethoxazole antibiotic (aka TMP/SMX, co-trimoxazole, Septrin or Bactrim) that you have been given to protect you against PCP. If it doesn't settle down after a few days, it is worth asking your doctor if you can switch to taking it just every other day to give the natural balance of bacteria a fighting chance to re-establish itself - if your CD4 is 193, then I can't see any earthly reason why not, since three times a week is just as effective - in the meantime, try to be sensible with alcohol, because thrush thrives on the abundance of simple sugars found in that.

On the bright side, you should be able to stop taking it altogether pretty soon after you start taking Atripla.

For anyone like you who is not yet on antiretroviral medications, chewing the occasional clove of raw garlic (but not garlic pills, oil or extract) is a very quick and effective (but in my opinion also quite unpalatable) natural remedy for oral thrush. (for anyone already on antiretroviral medications: some protease inhibitors don't mix too well with large doses of uncooked garlic and garlic supplements, so this remedy is best avoided).


--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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chevytexas
Regular

Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 25
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC new
      #244390 - 02/07/09 09:19 AM

Hi Chad, so you've been reading by now all of the replies --especially Ruairi's-- that (a) you are not the only island boy in town, (b) even other upbringings give us pause about how to tell people about this, and (c) you are surrounded by similar folks.
I will tell you, 20 YEARS after my diagnosis from back when HIV actually was a killah, there are so many variances of treatment and degrees of disease that you may discover, after working meds hard for awhile to suppress immediate issues, that your meds will reduce. I'm down to one Atripla every morning as I'm on my way to work.
The best medicine is self-worth (you've seen this in the forums); the next best is to establish some community of similar folks. While I love on-line, you actually live in a large community of support --find some face-to-face support group so you can get more direct information about others' experiences.
Don't hate yourself or feel dirty; if you want to create an analogy, try "having the flu": you would try to avoid spreading it to friends and co-workers but you wouldn't boil yourself in Clorox, would you? Realistic approaches take awhile but you will find your heart-rate slowing down over the next weeks; exercise helps redirect some of that stress.
I'd like you, finally, to picture --as I have had the chance to-- "picture the next 20 years" of your life. God bless, and use this forum to express your concerns; we have each been there, trust us.
Chevy in Texas --oh, did I mention I waited around long enough to become a grandpa, so Life goes on let me tellya

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chevytexas
Regular

Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 25
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC--Garlic! new
      #244391 - 02/07/09 09:25 AM

Ok, I'm home alone today --partner's hundreds of miles away-- so I'm going to try your garlic prescription for a mild outbreak of lower-lip blisters. Hadn't heard of that! In the US South, we all hear of "holistic" --of course our grannies didn't call it that-- home remedies so this was amusing and worthwhile. I'll see if it reduces the inflammation or just makes me add some italian sausage for lunch. Or are you saying the Atripla won't like the raw garlic? Oops, too late (pheww!)

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: Im Alone & Scared in NYC--Garlic! new
      #244392 - 02/07/09 09:33 AM

LOL

You are fine with garlic and Atripla. Not sure the garlic will do much for your cold sores / herpes simplex outbreak though - sounds way too painful actually! Personally I prefer to stick to trusty old Acyclovir with my Atripla in the mornings



--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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