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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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New User

Reged: 09/01/08
Posts: 20
Hard to cope
      #241725 - 09/01/08 04:51 AM

So I tested positive, but I believe that I have been positive for at least 2 years. I just ended a relationship with a guy that I really loved and still do. I had a staph infection and when they did blood work they found that I was positive. My boyfriend at the time had just tested negative about 2 months prior.
I told him about my status as soon as I found out and he really freaked out. He said he regretted being with me. He said that he was afraid that he had it, but he was tested maybe a 2 months or so before I was tested.
At one point he thought that he was infected and he was like we'll get through it together, but I am sure he is negative and I am sure that eventually he will cut all ties with me and it hurts. I am really young I just finished college and now I have to deal with this and the only thing that I think that sort of makes me feel better is the fact that I was honest with him. I could have lied we weren't together I could have just omitted the information, but I was honest because I love him and I didn't want to put him at risk, but now that whole 2 years means nothing to him and it hurts.

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Reged: 08/18/06
Posts: 245
Loc: fort myers, florida
Re: Hard to cope new
      #241729 - 09/01/08 02:31 PM

Hi Southern,
I am very sorry to hear about your test results.
As far as your ex, sometimes they need time to digest the news. Don't give up on him yet, just give him time. However, if he doesn't come around then you will need to get on with your life. Always remember that you need to take care of you so that you can have a healthy life. Make sure you find someone to talk to.
You must think about your mental health during this time as well as your physical health. Many people spiral into depression. Remember, you can always come here to the body.


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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Hard to cope new
      #241736 - 09/01/08 03:57 PM

Well, my first response is to say...Hi...welcome.....then second ..."You are not alone."
Hey, just concentrate on your life, your career and of course your health. That's it , man. If this guy wants to be friends with you...fine...but if not...its all water under the bridge. I know breakups hurt.....yup. But sometimes there is no alternative other than moving on.

Joel aka bear

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 38
Loc: M I A
Re: Hard to cope (at first) new
      #242501 - 10/01/08 01:37 PM

Hey there Buddy.
Welcome to the Body. It's brutal that your relationship is changing around the time of you finding out, but change is a big part of finding out you're positive. Changing your life habits, actions, and routine toward a more healthy and life sustaining direction is in your best interest.
Just a couple of years out of college in a good job, a good relationship, and a good life when this past January I tested positive. My partner passed it on to me, and yeah millions of emotions were swirling around in my head.
Finding out you or someone you love has HIV mixes everything up. That's ok it happens to everyone undergoing life changing situations from winning the lottery, to being elected to run as VP when you come from a a remote place like Alaska!
1st things 1st. Breath deeply, and be gentle with yourself. You did the right thing by disclosing to your partner. How he deals with it, is completely all up to him. You can be supportive and let him know where you stand, but the conclusions he draws and choices he makes are up to him.

Focus on taking care of #1--- You. Get to a good doctor you trust, get your labs done, go to a HIV support group at your local community center, blog here to let it out, and start making better choices for you. You've got a long journey ahead of you, and it's as easy as one step at a time.
I'm rooting for you buddy.


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Reged: 11/15/08
Posts: 25
Re: Hard to cope new
      #243178 - 11/16/08 02:18 PM

When I tested positive, I was in a relationship too. I told the guy and he seemed okay with it (having had a previous boyfriend that tested positive). We later split up for other reasons. I understand the shock of it all. I was in my mid-20's when I found out. I ignored the results for a year and kept going like I always did. After that year, I came down with shingles because my immune system was so low. I had to admit to myself that this was a reality and began taking measures to get healthy. As pointed out, you need to focus on you first. Evaluate your life, get a support system and a really good doctor. Many of us were alone and thought we would be that way for the rest of our lives. I did have many bad experiences with dating (do not fret over this. It happens whether you are positive or negative, male or female. Bad dates just happen.) I finally did meet someone and we have a great relationship.

Disclosure is up to you. Be care who knows and know who you can trust since this is a private matter. You did the right thing in telling your partner. It is his problem that he felt he had to leave. I know this does not hurt any less but you will get through it. If you need to talk, there are many good listeners here. We may not have all the answers but might be able to point you in the direction to get the answers you seek.

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New User

Reged: 11/25/08
Posts: 2
Re: Hard to cope new
      #243356 - 11/26/08 02:27 AM


I can relate. I found out 12 years ago that I was positive thorugh an insurance health check. I was in a relationship for 4 years and we stopped practicing safe sex after a couple of years. I was tested a few months before we met, and did not have a test after that. Luckily, he did not test positive after we found out. And we broke up for about 6 months. He had a very difficult time trying to deal with it, but I was very patient. He moved out, and we tried to live apart, but it didn't work. We have been together for 16 years and going on 17.
I write this, with the hope that your friend may need time to evaluate like mine did. If not, you must live for yourself. Move on and hopefully he will come back to you. If not, someone will come along that will be a great match for you.
I wish you the best, and for what it is worth, I think you are a great person. Honesty is hard to find in this world, and I think you did the best thing in telling him.

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