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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
just got tested positive last wed
      #240617 - 07/11/08 11:39 AM

i am so upset, i am so scared, my partnener doesnt talk to me, i havent told anybody yet. unfortunately i have to go on a trip today and i cant cancel it. i am so despered, i dont know what that means, i ve ben reading about it for the last 2 days, nobody can tell me how much is left. i dont want to see my self dying, i dont know what to say to my family, they will die, it hurts so much.

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240621 - 07/11/08 03:23 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis. The first thing you need to do is breath in and out, deep cleansing breaths. You have many years in front of you, for many HIV has become a chronic condition that with medication and lifestyle change you will probably out live most people that are not positive. You don't have to tell anyone just yet, give youself a chance to accept your diagnosis. We are here if you have any questions. We have all been where you are (I found out I was positive January, 2006), it is scary, but this board helped educate me and I am sure it will do the same for you. By the way Welcome to the Body. You will get past this and live your life, just a little more aware of youself and your surroundings. Take care, D

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oldwoman
Guardian

Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240635 - 07/12/08 06:42 PM

Of course you're upset and scared,you've hardly had time to take in the idea of having HIV,like D said,take time to breathe,give yourself time to accept the diagnosis,come here and ask questions or just read the posts,talk to your Dr.Have you even had a chance to meet find an HIV specialist yet?When you get more information it will be easier to understand what is going on and you will feel better.I remember when I first found out the Dr kept telling me"this is not a death sentence".I didn't believe him but 4 years later I'm doing fine.You don't have to tell anybody until you're ready so give yourself time and BREATHE
Take care
Terry

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carlos12
Member

Reged: 06/27/08
Posts: 11
Loc: MN
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240687 - 07/15/08 11:38 PM

hello please u need to calm down, u will be ok i found out myself 3months ago, i know the feeling, iwent to take my blood test result today 7-15-08, and i think i need to go in medicine tomorrw im scare too, but deep inside me i know i will be ok and u be the same go see a doctor so can help you

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Jv40
Member

Reged: 04/17/08
Posts: 14
Loc: Kent, UK
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240688 - 07/16/08 03:20 AM

Hi Bluewindow

I'm sorry for your positive test. I still remember the impact when the nurse told me. I don't know about you but I never ever thought I could be positive, I was just doing the responsible testing thing. Freddie Mercury had just died and it was all over the news that we should all test every time we got a new partner. The shock was blinding and suffocating. It was 2001, I was about to go to university and I was told my life span would take me to age 26-30. When I told my Dad he insisted I must have a retest as it had to be impossible. It devastated all our lives and I eventually dropped out of uni.

The prognosis is very different now and with the medication available they are even talking about HIVers living with an accute but manageable illness, like diabetes, for a full life span. You really need not think of your life ending any time soon because all the evidence points to a full and healthy life now.

I imagine you need a period of adjustment before you can start to take in all the information, but there's no hurry. Your doctors will tell you if you need to start on medication, other than that eat well, sleep plenty and give yourself that time. Crying is a great release for all that pain, I cried for hours and days, and after that I went and told too many people. I guess thats what I needed to do but nowadays I don't tell anyone because even in this day and age, if you live outside of a big city, HIV is incredibly uncommon and still very misunderstood.

My biggest mistake was refusing to join support groups, I couldn't face it but I was wrong. I think its a really good and strengthening experience to meet with other people in the same position as you. Again outside of big cities there is less chance of the actual 'meeting up'. When I met other HIV women whilst in hospital last year I realised that we are all living in pockets of England, totally isolated from the HIV community, and meeting these women was incredible, like meeting an old friend or family member.

Try not to make any rash decisions thinking that there's no point because many of us have full and very complete lives with good jobs, happy relationships and many women go on to have children who they are seeing grow up.

If you can tell your family I imagine it will be better for you all in the long run to share it together. It will almost certainly be better for you to have their love and support. Good luck, strength and hugs to you.
Julia








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Xcharles
Newbie

Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Macon, GA, USA
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240719 - 07/17/08 02:54 AM

Do like the others suggest and BREATH!!! Yes, it can be devastating to get a positive diagnosis, but it's no where near the end.
I first tested positive 20 years ago. AZT was just coming onto the market as the only viable treatment. There was no such animals as a protease inhibitors, a nucleoside/nucleotide reverse transcriptase inhibitors, a non-nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors, or any of the other wonder meds now available.
But, here I am 20 years later doing excellantly. I just got my test results last week. My viral load is still undetectable (for more than 4 years) and my CD4 is 854.
What you need to do is seek out someone you can talk with. Your care providor should be able to point you in the right direction. If you haven't got a care providor, yet, try going to your local HIV clinic. You were tested. They should know where the clinic is. Chances are there is a local support group.
Should you tell your family? Not right now. Maybe at some point in the future. Right now you need to come to terms with this yourself not try to deal with other people's reactions.
You say your partner doesn't talk to you. You don't say whether you're told them or not. You do have to tell them. Your partner should be tested. And, whether or not your partner tests positive they should go with you to the support group. Maybe not in the beginning. Maybe not everytime. But, eventually, they should go.
Will you die? Short answer - yes. Everyone does. It's the only thing guaranteed in life. When you die is an entirely different matter. With proper care you should expect to live a very long and healthy life with HIV.
Care and treatment are available in most larger cities for little or no cost. Go to your local HIV clinic and see what they say about your care. You probabvly won't have to start meds right away, but it is a good thing to establish a relationship with the clinic now when you're healthy. They'll be able to follow you to keep you healthy for as long as possible.
Hurt. Hurt a lot. It's only natural. But, at some point in the not-so-distant future you will have to end the pity party and continue with your life.

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MichelleT
Newbie

Reged: 07/22/08
Posts: 3
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240880 - 07/22/08 11:50 AM

Please don't let this upset you so much. I know it is difficult to accept, but I have been living with AIDS for 5 years and found out when I became pregnant with our 4 year old daughter. Thank God I was tested while pregnant as they put me on meds to help prevent our baby from getting the disease. She is very healthy and full of energy and YES negative. I and my husband both have AIDS and we take Atripla daily. I also take vitamins B12, C. Fish Oil and E. and watch what I eat and try to take walks daily. I feel good and with God's blessing and staying on the medication, I am feeling happier than I did in the beginning. Please don't give up hope. Any negative feelings or mental thoughts will only make you feel sick and will not help you at all. Please just accept it, get on medication and talk to at least 1 person you fully trust about your situation. Life can and will go on. Everyone will die someday from something. Don't let your grief overwhelm you as it will make you feel worse. Instead, focus on each day one at a time and do things you enjoy and try to take your mind off of it for short periods of time. You are still a normal human being. Live life as much as you can. God bless you and I hope this helps you some. Please feel free to talk to me anytime as I will be glad to listen and help you.

-Michelle

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dancin_man
Newbie

Reged: 07/22/08
Posts: 3
Loc: New York City
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240887 - 07/22/08 12:33 PM

you are not alone, and this is the most important thing that I have realized. I tested positive 6 weeks ago, and the first thing i did was to find a support group in my area.

this was the best decision i could have made. i am now surround by people who have experienced what i am going through and can offer insight and support. i highly recommend making sure that you do not go through this alone.

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Samurai
Fanatic

Reged: 06/25/08
Posts: 68
Loc: Texas, USA
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #240906 - 07/22/08 09:47 PM

It is not the end of the world.
Read my postings on this website and others too.
If you like one of the members, click on their name, and you will find a link of all their posting to read. There are some really cool people here to learn from.

We know how to deal with this disease and have happy lives.

I don't know if your straight or gay, but it does not matter.
Keep reading here and learn on thebody.com medical information.
Research is ongoing and they are constantly finding ways to improve our lives.

If you don't give up, the meds we have today are fantastic and most without side effects. You can live a long healthy life if you take care of yourself.

If that partner walks off, there is a big dating pool of positive people to look forward to meeting. Some of us even find negative partners who don't freak out and know how to be safe with HIV.

At first it is a huge shock, but it passes.
This is not the end of your life. It is a new chapter.

HIV is mostly a chronic condition easily managed for almost all of us. The only people who die now can't get treatment, don't accept it, just give up, or they are so into dope they don't care.

Most of us are living pretty damn good with HIV.

On this website is a community of love to support you.

You can let it all out here, and learn how to manage very well.

We have all been through what your experiencing now.
It gets better, I promise.

~Samurai

--------------------
I am forever amazed at the abundance of hydrogen and ignorance in the universe.
~Albert Einstein

Edited by Samurai (07/23/08 06:31 AM)

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #241139 - 08/05/08 10:56 AM

Thank you very much for your response. I havent stop reading this site since i was diagnosed with hiv. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I do want to be optimist but it is not easy. Thank you again.

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #241140 - 08/05/08 11:08 AM

Thank you very much for your response. That is all i am doing since i got tested positive. reading this site and what other people say about living with it. But it is not easy to be optimist even with all I have learned so far about the virus. it seems i cant deal with this as well as other people i guess. people live better and longer today with all the treatments available and other people still die of it. This is what is killing me. I havent find an hiv specialist yet. I live in New York city and i know there must be plenty here. i just dont know where to start to find a good one. Thank you very much again for your words

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #241141 - 08/05/08 11:10 AM

Thank you. I will

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #241142 - 08/05/08 11:13 AM

thank you very much julia

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #241143 - 08/05/08 11:22 AM

Thank you so much for your great support. My partner was tested negative few days after me. Although we dont communicate that well because of this still makes me happy to know that is safe so far. He will of course repeat the test in few months. Till then i dont really know what would happen between us. i really love him and i dont want to hurt him any more with this. but if he decides to walk away i would have to understand. thanks again

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bluewindow
Member

Reged: 07/11/08
Posts: 13
Re: just got tested positive last wed new
      #241144 - 08/05/08 11:24 AM

Thank you very much michelle for your support.

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