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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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AZSouthBay
Newbie

Reged: 04/10/08
Posts: 8
Seroconverted on April Fools Day
      #238407 - 04/10/08 10:24 PM

I seroconverted on April Fools Day. Even before receiving the news, talking about going to get tested would give me what I just found out is a panic attack- lan overwhelming feeling I'm going to faint and hurl. Of course when receiving the news the attack I got was so bad--, I couldn't drive. I couldn't make it up the stairs when I got home (i live 3 floors up). Even now, my legs feel weak and I feel like I just want to change te subject and make myself laugh. Or escape in other ways
Although I am trying to cope, I'm in denial- I go in for secondary results on the April 15th and I keep trying to believe that it was some kind of mistake- the test was wrong. I have a packet of information given to me by the Gay & Lesbian Center that I cannot bring myself to read because of the dread and panic attacks. I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions, trying to make it into a joke so I can laugh, 1 moment ok, then next crying, the next shaking nervously....The biggest problem is I don't know what I should be doing, do I educate myself? how do I deal with the panic attacks?I can barely read information at thebody.com, or look through my packet for the time of my appointment on April 15. Somebody please let me know if you had a similar reaction and how do I deal with this.

AZ

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ravi
Legend

Reged: 11/19/05
Posts: 1148
Loc: Adelaide, Australia
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238410 - 04/10/08 10:48 PM

AZSouthbay,

I completely understand the situation you are going through. Let us address your questions step by step. Now, i am not sure what kind of exposure you've had, therefore i really cannot comment on it. Now, if you have been asked for a confirmatory test, it could very well be the reason since there are many instances where the test kits indeed play an April fool prank on the patient by giving 'false positives'. Maybe you can proceed with how to handle the situation in terms of your status, once you get the results of your confirmatory tests.

Now, the mental symptoms you experience are classic examples of stress, anxiety and panic attacks. Try and get some help from your healthcare provider/counsellor, who are in a better position to eradicate or solve this problem.

I would advice you to address this issue as soon as possible.

Good luck


--------------------
Take Care

God Bless you

Stay Well

Love Ravi

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AZSouthBay
Newbie

Reged: 04/10/08
Posts: 8
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238415 - 04/11/08 05:48 AM

Thank you so much!! I am waiting for confirmatory results, they told me that the test was 99.9% accurate. So, I feel like I can't really take action until I receive the results. It would be nice if it was an April Fools Day prank from above to make me appreciate my health and to stop behaving foolishly. The fact is that I am in a high risk group. I guess I really can't do anything till I get the results. I am suffering from extreme anxiety until then however. Its driving me insane!!! Thank you again for your advice.

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ravi
Legend

Reged: 11/19/05
Posts: 1148
Loc: Adelaide, Australia
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238416 - 04/11/08 08:24 AM

AZSouthBay,

Indeed, however, there is a strong possibility that the test may give a 'false positive'. However, as a rule of thumb, usually, patients who test positive on the initial test have to go through a confirmatory test as well.

From what i understand, you consider yourself as an individual who falls in the high risk category. I hope you have religiously practiced safe sex and would continue to engage in safe sex irrespective to your status.

I experienced extreme anxiety when i went through my test, fortunately i was negative. See, it is quite reasonable for one to be worried about one's health; however excessive worry is no more a worry, but a disease!

As i advised you earlier, you can perhaps decide the future course of action once you get the confirmatory results.

Good luck


--------------------
Take Care

God Bless you

Stay Well

Love Ravi

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MIADA
Regular

Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 38
Loc: M I A
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238580 - 04/18/08 02:12 PM

AZ,

What Should you be doing?
1st things 1st.
Take a Deep Breath!
One of those big deep belly expanding breaths that fills your whole chest cavity!


Unfortunately, I know exactly what you're going through. I had similiar reactions when I first found out but eventually I got through it. And You will too.

I was reading a lot about it on this site, and the info I got from my the GLBCC. I soon found out I needed to read bout it in moderation, casue too much too fast did get overwhelming at times.
I tried holding it together as much as I could, but at the end of the day, I was a Mess. A big ol Hot MESS! Sobbing at the grocery check out line,(not about high food costs) wimpering at the bank teller (not about my account, though she did think so, told me everything was going to be alright, and refunded a service charge YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS), and screaming at the steering wheel (which was really productive). I expressed and let it out irrelevent of who was around. And it's important to let it out. On these blogs, in a book, at the gym, a song, or alone in the middle of a forrest of bears, I encourage you to cut loose and let it all out.
Looking back I can now laugh at the whole thing, and someday you will too.
But in the meantime,
Take it Easy and Take it One Day at a Time.

--------------------
Namaste
~D

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AZSouthBay
Newbie

Reged: 04/10/08
Posts: 8
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238595 - 04/19/08 06:38 AM

Thank you for the advice, it really helps. I received my confirmatory results and they of course confirmed everything. I am meeting with a social worker next week to talk about government assistance as I have no insurance. The Gay & Lesbian Center luckily has assured me that everything will be taken care of. I have been avoiding reality, and since I've received the confirmatory results I am in more denial then before. Earlier today, it all came down on me like a ton of bricks, and I was sobbing for hours till I fell asleep, crying uncontrollably with a hint of panic attack is tough to deal with.
Yes, reading through the information on the site only freaked me out so much more so I will take your advice and take it in strides. I just don't know anything about this disease. i've caught it early on because last March I tested negative.
The thing is, this wasn't supposed to happen to me. I can't fight the feeling that nothing is real, its a dream. I guess its time to start appreciating this body of mine which I have abused. All kinds of different things are running through my head, all kinds of different emotions and all kinds of different fears.

I guess deep diaphragmatic breathing is very important.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

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dakotalagrange
Regular

Reged: 07/26/04
Posts: 31
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238817 - 04/27/08 09:00 PM

I know that right now you are hurting. What you are experiencing is normal. Upon receiving my diagnosis at 28 yrs old, I just started screaming. I actually felt like my mind separated from my body. It seemed like I was listening to someone else hurting but I soon realized that the screaming was from me. It was like taking every emotion that you could possibly feel and roll it into a ball and put into your head. Just as the other posts, I found myself crying in the most public places. I had lots of questions but didn't have the energy to research them. It took me a long time to even say the word HIV. It has been almost 6 years now and although I still have emotional break-downs, I have managed to live my life. I have developed a support system and use resources such as this site. You will see this differently in time. You need to take all of your accomplishments out and put them in front of you. Always remember that these accomplishments are from the same person and no one can take them from you. You will use your experience to touch others and you will be ok. Remember, you have a huge support system here and we will all be here to help you get through this difficult time.

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ithappenedtome
Newbie

Reged: 05/05/08
Posts: 4
Loc: NYC, NY
Re: Seroconverted on April Fools Day new
      #238980 - 05/05/08 11:28 AM

Hi There,
I too just tested positive... 3 days ago... the odd thing is, i'm remarkably calm... except that i do have my moments of uncontrollable crying fits... what my best friend told me, was to take things in small doses... there are ways to live healthily, etc... look at me giving advice, i can't even say it outloud, nor tell people, etc... but i know what you're going through... i think the best way to get through this is to know that you're not alone and that it's NOT a death sentence anymore... i keep trying to tell myself that...
i wonder the same thing... what should i be doing right now? the only thing i can figure is getting healthy... coming up with a good plan to get healthy and keep healthy... i know i want to live...


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