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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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frida
Newbie

Reged: 01/24/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Sacramento, CA
I've been married for 3 years and I just tested +
      #235619 - 01/24/08 11:14 AM

My husband and I just tested positive. We have been married for 3 years and together for 4 (both completely monogamous). The doctor believes that he has had the virus the entire time, it just took a really long time for me to get it. I had a test in June of 06 and was negative and one in June of 05 and was negative. He doesn't quite remember the last time he was tested. Maybe 4 years ago? I was also diagnosed with HSV 2 a month ago. It seems that my husband was an asymptomatic carrier of the virus (HSV). To add to that, we found out that he was also Hep C positive, I am not.
I am still numb. I don't understand. I feel angry at my husband, but I love him to death.
We have a two year old too.
Tomorrow we go to our first infectious disease appointment.
I can't tell my family or anyone, so I needed to tell all of you.
Thanks for listening.

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Leonardo
Guru

Reged: 08/07/07
Posts: 233
Loc: New Jersey
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #235620 - 01/24/08 11:24 AM

Frida,

Wow. I know this is overwhelming, and you probably feel like your world is falling apart, but don't despair. You can deal with this, and you have each other, which is a huge advantage.

HIV is not a death sentence. With proper health care, you can live a long, healthy life. I know you probably feel alone right now, but we're all here for you.

I'm at work right now and cannot make my reply as long as I would like, but know that I am sending you all the positive energy I can. Feel free to contact me.

You're going to be ok. I know it.

Leo


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keepingfaith
Member

Reged: 01/11/08
Posts: 22
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #235621 - 01/24/08 02:13 PM

My story in kinda similar. I have been with my boyfriend since 2004. In 2005 we both got tested just to be on the "safe" side. I tested also in 2006 which came back negative. But in Dec. of this year I come back positive after an yearly check up. I have never smoked, been a drinker or engaged in premisiousy. So you can imagine how I felt to have a positive test. We are still together. We have not disclosed to anyone yet. But someimes I feel like I should have left, or been mad at him but I wasn't. So don't feel bad. You don't have to go through this by yourself. We are here for you. I have comes to grips with it quickly. I figure we can't be any different than people living with diabetes or Lupus. We all have to take medicines to make it. Me and my b/f had our first appt. this month. We go back for the results on the 5th.

~Be Encouraged~

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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #235622 - 01/24/08 02:50 PM

frida
That is very similar to my situation. I met the man of my dreams. I had two children from previous relationships and he took these kids as they were his own. After being together for 2 years and we were married. After about 3 years of marriage, I was getting very sick. Unable to breath, very weak, went into the hospital to find out I was poz and had PCP. After a month of being there, we needed to check my husband. He luckily came out negative. I was worried about my children so we tested them. Again Thank god negative. I was worried that my husband was going to be gone and I would be doing this on my own. Well he is still here and we are going to be celebrating out 5th year wedding anniversary.
With the right doctor care and support from each other, you can make it through this. Be strong and like Leonardo said, it is not a death sentance. It is a new start to a new life. Take it one day at a time. You also have much support here so do not feel bad to ask for help! ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

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frida
Newbie

Reged: 01/24/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Sacramento, CA
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just teste new
      #235624 - 01/24/08 03:52 PM

Thank you for the kind words and support. My husband and I know that in time, we will feel "normal" again... however right now I keep going over it and over it.
I will eventually process it. I just don't know how to tell me family or if I should tell them. I don't want people to worry about me unnecessarily.
My mom is a major worrier, and my dad is fighting cancer right now. This would really distroy them.
I am really looking forward to tomorrows blood tests and meeting.
I know I am going to be okay.

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oldwoman
Guardian

Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just teste new
      #235634 - 01/24/08 06:09 PM

You're right,eventually you will feel "normal" again,in the meantime you don't have to tell any body until you're ready to.At least wait until you see the Dr and get the results and some information.Hopefully he will have a support group that you can join,even if you're not ready to go yet it's good to have a group you can turn to for support,of course you always have all of us too.
Take care and let us know how the visit goes tomorrow.
Terry

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just teste new
      #235643 - 01/24/08 10:11 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your test results, I know you must be in shock. I am sending all the good thoughts I can. At dinner tonight my bf and I were talking about how I tested 2 years ago. You have a long life ahead of you, I am so glad that you and your husband have each other. It is hard finding out your status, but at least now you know and are able to take better care of yourself and get the proper medical care. This forum has been a wonderful place for support. There are some truly miraculous people here, welcome. D

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Leonardo
Guru

Reged: 08/07/07
Posts: 233
Loc: New Jersey
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #235644 - 01/24/08 10:19 PM

Frida,

I know that making decisions about disclosing your status can be stressful. My advice is that you wait until you are completely adjusted to this situation before you make such decisions. You can't guide your loved ones through this if you don't understand yet what this means and what it doesn't mean for that matter.

Personally, I have only told my partner and some online friends.

During the first few weeks after my diagnosis, I really wanted to lay on my mom's shoulder and cry. Instead, I avoided her for a few weeks, pretending to be "sick". I knew she would be devastated and she has a heart condition.

I'm glad I waited. When I calmed down, I realized that she needed my protection more than I needed to be comforted. My grief was played out, and I adjusted to a more optimistic view of my future.

Now,I'm feeling good and I look healthy. My mom's 71. I see her every week, and during none of my visits have I found it necessary to talk to her about this. I just make fun of her cooking and update her system software, like every other Sunday before this happened. Life goes on.

That's just what works for me. Be patient with yourself, and make your own choices when your ready. And keep writing.

Leo


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keepingfaith
Member

Reged: 01/11/08
Posts: 22
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #235646 - 01/24/08 11:00 PM

I have known I was positive since Dec 26, 2007. I haven't told anyone. Me and my boyfriend are the only ones that know about each other status and I feel that is enough for right now. I say take it slowly and as the days past you will be a little more comforted.

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hrdrsr
Regular

Reged: 11/03/07
Posts: 48
Loc: Colorado
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #235680 - 01/26/08 08:54 AM

I tested positive in October I understand about not wanting to tell anyone. Although the man I loved and wanted to share my life with died in August I have 3 friends to share things with that wonderful unconditional love. Although I have not told my family I think that is best for now, it has taken some time to get used to the idea of my new way of life. After finding my ID Doctor though she is wonderful and has helped me in getting educated including giving me this site and everyone on here has been so supportive and helpful.

Good luck and God Bless you.

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garret99
Member

Reged: 01/31/08
Posts: 15
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #236029 - 01/31/08 02:48 AM

hello frida, hope this finds you in a state of mind that is improving. i crashed and almost died about a year ago. i found out about my having aids while i was in the hospital.my wife of 3 years was at my side and my doctors told her that she had to be tested. i can tell you that i was in total hell waiting for her results. she tested negative and this last year has been hard to deal with and the one thing that kept me going was her unconditional love.i am slowly inching back up the ladder with her help, never at any time did she think about leaving me. i am very lucky to have her to say the least. if anything she is closer to me then ever, so i guess what i want to say to you is it will be the love you both have for each other that will get the both of you through this so work hard at not letting yourself blame your husband,for me i had no idea i had this and i was also faithful to her and it would really have made me feel terrible if i had given it to her, we were lucky. putting myself in your husbands shoes i can only guess how he must feel, stay strong and always remember that nobody would ever willingly give this disease to the one person they have picked to share there life with. work real hard not to let this situation ruin your relationship....i hope the best for you both and remember you are never alone

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dynnalissy
Newbie

Reged: 01/30/08
Posts: 1
Re: I've been married for 3 years and I just tested + new
      #236044 - 01/31/08 10:25 AM

Dear Frida,

I'm so sorry!

I can understand your feelings towards your husband and I think that you must resolve two situations about you:

First: Do you think that your husband was and is really monogamy?

If you can forgive him, will you be able to be with him yet?

I think that you are better if you speak clearly with your husband about it and you will be able to take a decision in future.

Second: Now you must think about you, you know that you are infected with HSV and VIH, but not Hep C and I know that you are good soon!

I think that you can go to help group and you must follow the medical instruction and you will be very, very good, really!

God will help you, you shouldn't feel sad because you will be fine.

Kisses and huge a hug for you!

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