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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Reged: 11/30/07
Posts: 2
how to tell my partner? please help :(
      #234067 - 11/30/07 07:10 PM

I haven't yet received a positive result, but am almost certain that I will the next time I'm tested (I am about a week overdue for my three-month test; I am definitely procrastinating, out of fear). I'm having symptoms that are completely out of the ordinary for me, and consistent with early HIV infection. I know something is wrong with my body, and have reason to fear that it's HIV.

By posting this, I'm not asking others to evaluate my symptoms; I'm fully aware that only continued testing will reveal my true HIV status. But I need to be ready, mentally and emotionally, for a positive test result. I am trying to prepare myself...

My number one concern right now is: how will I tell my partner? I'm looking for advice from others who have been through the same experience. Should I tell him about my concerns now, and if it's what he wants, maybe we can be tested together (to support each other though a very frightening process)? Or should I wait to receive a positive result? I don't want to panic him unnecessarily, but on the other hand, I don't want to deceive him by hiding my concerns.

My gut feeling is that I should have another test done and know for sure before I approach him about it. I don't want to cause him needless alarm. But I'm afraid that telling him about a positive result will be much more of a blow than telling him now, while I'm unsure, and giving him time to process before we find out for certain.

He's living far away from me while I attend school. I'd like to make the trip to visit him and to tell him on his own turf, so that he doesn't have to drive anywhere if he is distraught and wants to be alone, or so that I can leave after telling him if he wants me to. The only problem is that he lives in a rural area, where it's hard to get rapid testing. I would have to visit him on a weekend because it's the last few weeks of school and I can't get away at any other time. And he would have to wait all weekend and be stressed before he could be tested (and might also have to wait a week or more for the results). If I tell him while he's visiting me, first of all, I will have made him drive several hours to arrive to a giant blow. But we can have rapid testing done here very easily. Still, I think on his own turf is best. Definitely not over the phone.

I'm sorry; this is a very long post. But any advice you can offer would be so appreciated. I love him so much, and am terrified that this might be a possibility, and that I could have exposed him. He's such a good person, and he doesn't deserve this. If I am positive, it would have been due to an indiscretion with someone we both know before my current partner and I started dating. He knows all about what happened. But HIV was not something we considered or discussed until now. I am afraid; I love him and want to do the right thing and to try to deliver the news in the best way possible. Please help if you can...

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Reged: 12/03/05
Posts: 724
Re: how to tell my partner? please help :( new
      #234069 - 11/30/07 09:53 PM

i think i would wait until you are sure you are positive, than tell him immediately if you are, why put your anxiety on him.

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Reged: 05/16/07
Posts: 180
Re: how to tell my partner? please help :( new
      #234070 - 12/01/07 12:10 AM

You cant post here.

Si eres latin@,muchos han dicho lo mismo y han dado NO REACTIVO,tienes que esperar el test,hasta tanto trata de mantenete ocupado.

1 Diciembre-Día mundial de la lucha contra el SIDA

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Reged: 08/07/07
Posts: 233
Loc: New Jersey
Re: how to tell my partner? please help :( new
      #234076 - 12/01/07 01:08 PM

You are positing on the wrong board. You should be posting this on the "Am I infected?" board.

That being said, I think the most important thing to do is confirm your status before you start this drama with your partner. Secondly, I would tell him in a location where rapid testing is a possibility. Finally, I would make him a higher priority than your school schedule.

Before you assume that I just don't understand the pressures of college, know that I have a master's degree plus doctoral studies under my belt, so I know all about your responsibilities. Your responsibility to your partner is a higher priority. Deal with it.


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Reged: 05/09/10
Posts: 2
Re: how to tell my partner? please help :( new
      #250267 - 05/09/10 10:00 PM

I just found out I am positive and I don't know how to tell my partner of 26 years. I feel alone like my life is over

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