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Recently tested postive, symptomatic, scared
#233945 - 11/25/07 02:33 PM
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Hey all
I recently went in to test for HIV four years after what i thought was low risk, tested to six weeks neg and stopped like an idiot. Now I tested positive after lymph glands going up and weight loss. I'm goint to get the Viral Load test and CD4 numbers tommorow, very scared to find out that i might have a low CD4, feel like an idiot for not getting tested sooner, was just in denial. Family is not going to be much support, my brother has had severe mentall illness and has dissapeared in the city, parents can't deal with his issues, much less mine at this point. Friends dropped away during the crisis with my brother so I'm very isolated at this point. I feel like i'm at the end of my rope. Any inputs on how to cope would be greatly appreciated.
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gray
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Reged: 10/10/07
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Posts: 37
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Hi Newlander -
Thank you for posting. I can relate in terms of perceived low-risk - I tested positive in October and I still am not really sure how I was exposed but I am trying not to think too much about that and focus on the present which is that lab results show I have been exposed and I am positive and I have to move forward and live my life with this news.
Enough about me.
My advice would be first to breathe. I know it's a little thing but it is important. Every time you start to feel overwhelmed start to breathe. Your breath is your connection to something bigger than you, to something infinite. Don't forget how comforting and healing just simple deep breathing can be.
You're not alone in this even though it might appear to you that you are. The second thing is to try not to isolate yourself. It's been hard for me to not do that, I tend to do that and I've just moved to a new apartment in New York City in a neighbourhood I don't know and I've "broken up" with someone (he wasn't my boyfriend but it sort-of feels like he was, long story) and it's been easy for me to want to stay at home and get down on myself for being alone. Not a good idea - connect connect connect. Post on here or email us privately on here as often as you want. Connect with us. There are places in all the big cities where you can get "starting out" advice and also connect with groups - in NYC there is GMHC, Callen Lorde to name but two. Ask yourself if you're happy with your doctor and if not, get another one. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. And breathe. I think I mentioned that. Breathe.
If you need anything email me. I'm here for you ok? And trust me so are many many others on this board. They have been wonderful to me. We will not allow you to go through this on your own, we are here to support you and will help you in any way we can.
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Newlander, I am so sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis. Do not give up hope for yourself and your future. Gray's advice was sound, it is very important to breath. It takes time to deal with the grief that is associated with becoming positive. I found out I was positive testing for a life insurance policy, so I understand being surprised. I also understand what you mean to be alone, or to feel isolated. I live 450miles from my family, but I am lucky to have support of great friends. Give yourself a chance to deal with your new diagnosis. Good luck, and we are here, please continue to post. D
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oldwoman
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Guardian
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Reged: 05/12/07
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Posts: 435
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Loc: Phila,Pa
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Hi Newlander,you've gotten good advice here,check into an AIDS service organization(ASO)in our area.You will meet some people who can help you and give you hope.If you're not ready to"go public"just yet then stay on line and talk to us,check out some info on HIV and learn what you can.Give yourself time to adjust to this new diagnosis and you'll be fine.
Terry
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HudsonJet
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Reged: 07/03/05
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Posts: 10
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Loc: Texas
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First of all, you are not alone! We are all here to help you.
I understand your fear and if my Doctor hadn't recommended this web site for support I'm not sure how I would have coped. There are some wonderful, supportive folks on this site who helped me a great deal. It's all going to be OK.
--------------------
HJ
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what exactly did you think was low risk?
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