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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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movingon
Fanatic

Reged: 08/27/07
Posts: 66
feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds
      #230313 - 09/03/07 04:16 AM

Its been 4 weeks since i got the worst phone call of my life, and i have had 2 weeks of knowing what my initial CD4 and v/l is, 284 and 98,000. How come i still feel strong ? i haven't even had a cold. I hit the gym EVERY day and have been eating very healthy. I have totally 100% stopped smoking and only drink the occasional glass of red wine. I dont take drugs, well not anymore anyway, and i honestly feel like i could go outside right now and run 10Ks . I am finding it very hard to accept that i have a "chronic but managable illness" when i dont even feel sick, infact i feel as fit as i have ever felt. However, with my CD 4 as it is, and my high viral load , i am having to face the possiblity of starting medication pretty soon. Will these make me feel shit ? Will they diminish my energy levels so i cant hit the gym ?. Will my physique change ? I'm 6ft 4 and 228 pounds, in decent shape. Strong as an ox. I am so so so scared, even though i do know that meds can help me live a long healthy life, its still feels like i am doomed and will get worse over time. Will the fact that i have drank alcohol and smoked pot for 10 years reduce my chances ? Even though i remianed fit during these years ? I mean, i was only doing what my rugby playing mates were all doing !!!!

I am living on water, chinese tea, flax seeds , cereal, skimmed milk and well cooked lean mates, loads of vedgetables, tofu, brown rice and basically no fat. Does this give me a chance ?

Help me , please !

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230315 - 09/03/07 10:50 AM

L&S - Everything your doing, everything you have said is very understandable and healthy to be doing. Questioning the possibility / "inevitablity" of going on meds is justifiably a bit scary... I can only speak for my personal experience and the friends I have made over the years who are also dealing with this wretched virus. Given the fact you have tested pos in 2007 markedly increases your chances of living a long life. How long is what your are willing to do such as what you decribe in your post, working out, eating right and taking care of yourself. This is no different than a hiv- person.

I find it rather interesting everytime I go to the clinic for labs, I am the only one there.. I ask the doctor "am I your only patient Ben?" He just laughes - "No their all out there living lives and doing the things they normally do." L&S I am not trying to sugarcoat hiv or deminish those who are having problems with their virus. But you have a clean slate, fill it with optomisim and not pesamisim. Fill it with hope rather than fear. If you continue to live in fear, your going to solidify those brain pathways and it will be harder for you to see the hope in the darkness...

Hell smoke alittle pot, maybe it will mellow you out a bit. It certainly aint going to kill you.... :)

Eric

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chrisbadmushroom
Guardian

Reged: 05/24/07
Posts: 380
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230320 - 09/03/07 01:13 PM

do you puff 420 suvivor

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alive4216years
Member

Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 14
Loc: Utah
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230336 - 09/03/07 07:10 PM

You go, Eric

Gosh, just be happy.

Whatever that may mean to you, be happy.

I know how scarie this illness is but it is just an illness.

Doctors have been kicking HIV's butt since the late 80's.

Ok so it is taking along time.

Polio took 50 years to cure.

People just diagnosed will live their life spans I have no doubt about this.

The only way you will not is if you can not take the medicine, you do not eat right + get excersise, keep your stress level down, get depressed, and/or do drugs.

This illness is very predictable and stopable.

Please give them time.

Just remember to think of me if you are on a beach.

Alicia



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movingon
Fanatic

Reged: 08/27/07
Posts: 66
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230355 - 09/03/07 11:02 PM

thanks all for taking time out. I almost wish i could fast track a year or so and have some positive feelings about this, i.e having some success on meds, feeling safe, not scared. I admire you all for your strength

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230361 - 09/04/07 12:03 AM

Oh no L&S, your going to do some vantastic growing in this next year.. You will find that you have the power to overcome and concur.. But its just a bit painful, alittle scary, but hay, your going to make it. Life was never ment to be a cake walk.. If it was not HIV it would be something else along the road that would come up. I am not saying I am not sad your positive, its just water under the bridge... You gota move on. If your not moving forward, your not growing and making progress. We are here just to make sure you do not get stuck in a rut...

Your a nice Bloke and don't underestimate yourself..

Eric

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orange01
Member

Reged: 08/13/07
Posts: 18
Loc: Florida
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230397 - 09/04/07 06:07 PM

Nice words they really touched me

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vokz
Grand Master

Reged: 09/06/07
Posts: 164
Loc: London, UK
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230456 - 09/06/07 05:42 AM

L&S,

The real deal here is that NOTHING has changed - except that you now have the advantage of knowing what you did not know before .. and knowing it at an early enough stage that you can do something about it and have every realistic prospect of being able to go on to live a very long and very healthy life.

I am not going to pretend that living with HIV isn’t a challenge – or that the knowledge that you are HIV positive isn’t always going to be there in the back of your mind – but the worst thing you can do right now is to let the psychological aspects of HIV get the better of you.

You have learned that you are HIV-positive in good enough time that you will be able to start taking anti-HIV drugs whilst you are still healthy and at roughly the time that commencement of therapy would normally be advised. It probably does not seem like that right now but (please believe me on this) that is a major bonus.

Keep your wits about you, keep your strength and a positive outlook and I promise you that in a year from now it will be you explaining to your friends, family and other newbies that you are fine – even wishing that they wouldn’t worry so much about you and filter everything about you through the knowledge that you are HIV+ – and that your life goes on as before .. in addition, although you will not believe it right now, that you have even more energy than you do now.

The good news stories about meds never get the same prominece that the scare stories do; but the reality is that the vast majority of us are our own, invisible to the ouside world, walking good news story – and the fact that we are invisible is a testament to just how good the meds are now..

Life on meds is not the beginning of the end. It is a new beginning that you need to grasp and milk for all that it is worth.

Take care of yourself and good luck.


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movingon
Fanatic

Reged: 08/27/07
Posts: 66
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #230487 - 09/06/07 11:13 PM

Thanks for your reply Vokz. I have repleid privately to you but just want to say here that i feel strong, fit and healthy, just so scared about the future. I know i should be focusing in today, not yesterday, or tommorow. I am having a genotype test on monday and then further lab work done in 2 weeks from now, at which point i will challenge my doctor on the meds he is suggesting, Kaletra & Combivir, which i have heard bad reports about.

Got a bit of a head ache this morning as i had to entertain cleints last night and i had a few glasses of wine, which i really dont feel good about. Is alcohol a big no no ????

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GregGriffin
Newbie

Reged: 09/18/07
Posts: 1
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #231086 - 09/18/07 05:53 AM

Howdy Friend!

Being Poz is not a picnick but gosh compaired to fifteen years ago it sure is!

I think staying ahead of the virus is the only way to survive. (I've been Poz since the early 80's [I think] but went on AZT in 1987.)

The hardest part is (for most) the self incrimination about getting infected. It is hard to remember that it is not punishment, etc. etc. People sometimes slip up in the search for love.

But on the practical side:
At your levels, I would go on meds. A nice easy to tolerate combination. The horrible side effects are really mostly from the older Protease inhibitors.

I think combivir plus Kaletra sounds like a decent starting place although the small dose of Norvir that is part of Kaletra may give you some GI problems for the first couple of months. If you have a bunch of other meds the Norvir will change how long other things stay in your system. That is an issue I suggest you really "challenge" your doc about. You could do combivir (or trizivir) and Viramune (or something similar) as a starting place. It has much less side effects but you really have to never miss a dose to keep it working.

Your numbers are not bad. Six months of treatment and you will be undetectible and mostly likely your t-cells will double. You will feel a bit better.
Good Luck, and yup, ask your doctor questions.

greg

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movingon
Fanatic

Reged: 08/27/07
Posts: 66
Re: feeling insecure, scared and terrified of meds new
      #231137 - 09/18/07 10:15 PM

thanks to you all for taking the time to write to me. I have found that abut 50% of people have warned me off Combivir, whereas some people say they (or people they know) are on it and doing fine.



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