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movingon
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Reged: 08/27/07
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i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me
      #230041 - 08/27/07 11:48 PM

Hi all, i must say out of all the junk i have read on the internet , this discussion site has given me the most hope yet, so many thanks. I am a hetrosexual male living in asia , who was single and sexually active for a long time, living the life, had money in my pocket, good job , and life was perfect. I slept around, protecting myself a lot of the time, but not all the time. Finally i found the girl of my dreams and we got married , but just 6 weeks after our wedding day i found out i was positive. My wife is negative, so far , and now we practice safe sex without fail. This is a crushing blow to our marriage, life was perfect but now it seems that we are doomed, there seems to be no hope , and i have spent the last 3 weeks crying, mostly feeling sorry for myself if i am honest. I know meds work, i immediately stopped smoking, i hit the gym every day , and i eat veggies and fruit like my life depends on it. I am now waiting for my blood work results to come back , so at this stage i have no idea what my future holds. All i do know is that i have NEVER been sick, never. I always had such a strong immune system and was able to shake anything off myself. I felt invincible. I'm 6 ft 3 and over 200 pounds, and very fit and sporty. I have a fantastic wife , she deserves a medal and i know i am very lucky, but i am also very close to my family who i haven't told and cant tell. It will crush them. If anyone can help me in these horrible times i will be very grateful. many thanks

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Survivor
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Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230043 - 08/27/07 11:58 PM

I hear Asia is a beatiful place to visit... Why change anything?? Sounds like you have it made.. You have a loving wife, you can have loving kids, watch them grow up, get married and have kids of their own... I'm not jokin neither. Keep spending time with us, educate yourself with todays knoweldge of hiv/aids. "Live your dreams, your going to be around for them"..

Keep talking my friend... Best therapy there is... And its, free.... :)

Welcome to TheBody

We will try and get you "unlost & unscared"..

Eric

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movingon
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Posts: 66
Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230045 - 08/28/07 12:28 AM

yeah asia is great , i have been blessed, which makes this even harder to handle as it seems like i have thrown it all away throught my own stupidity. I am a very emotional person, physically strong and stable, played rugby all my life, but this is crushing me. I keep thinking why me ? but i know why me, cos i didn't always wear a condom and had mutiple partners. It just all seems so unfair. Regarding kids, all i hear about is adoption, sperm donor, or sperm washing if we want our own kids. But i only hear of a 15% success rate. Do you have any new info ? Btw, thanks for replying to me, i really do appreciate it. I will use this site every day

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Survivor
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230049 - 08/28/07 10:33 AM

The pain you feel is the uncertainty. This can change when you continue to learn about what hiv means to those infected NOW and not then. I am not saying it does not have its challenges, but hay your a strong guy. I am very much like you.. I found my life partner and 2 years later found out about my little "protien problem". I have never been seriously ill, broken a bone, been in the hospital. Have a Dad for a doctor, a brother who's a pharmacist, two degrees, athletic, climb mountains in the summer, ski in winter and blam, hiv finds me. You will hear this story echoed over and over. You are amounst good company all who tried to be safe, but failed. Stop beating yourself up. It gets really irritating after you do it long enough. Use that strength you have within you to turn and face hiv aggressively. Allow it to piss you off a bit. Get a bit mad at it, and not you.

As for your wife, whats her take on all this?? And yes, you can have children who are hiv - if you so desire..

Eric

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movingon
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230118 - 08/28/07 10:03 PM

hey Eric, thanks again for the message. I just got my blood results back . CD4 284, Viral Load, 98,000, plus i have slightly high Cholesterol . The doctor has told me to come back again in 4 weeks to have the tests repeated again as he says they can change or be slightly inaccurate the first time around. I am scared shitless. I was hoping that i might have 5 years or so until i start treatment, but the doc thinks i might have had HIV for 3-5 years. Very weird, not one trip to the doctor in years ! This seems un real. Am i screwed ? Can meds get my cd4 up and viral load down ? He is suggesting combavir and kaletra. As for my wife, she is a rock, a superstar and i love her dearly. We dont want to run the risk of having HIV Pos kids, so sperm washing is our only option i think. I am terrified

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Survivor
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230119 - 08/28/07 10:17 PM

Hi there L&S... See if you can dig out your cd4/cd8 percentage for me ok? The cd4 of 284 and vl of 98k is condusive of "thinking" about meds. But none of this can happen until they get some trends going with you. At least another set of labs. Yes, it would seem you have been infected for awhile my friend... I am sure the doctor will want to pheno/geno type you and check for any med challenges, be sure this happens if it has not already...

Ok now breath... Use that Rock you have talked about and hold on. You can, and you will do this, you will survive.. Turn that feeling of being terrified into a retaliation on your virus. Don't give into fear.. Learn now that alot of this is a mental game and something you must and can work through. Keep talking and expressing your feelings. As far as combo's go?? I am taking Kaletra and I have more than doubled my cd4 count and I have been undetectable after the first month... There are some very good first line combo's once a day dosing out there and you have alot in your tool box to keep you going till your old and gray...

You have got to keep a positive mental attitude to all this. Lean on whoever you can. You are not in this alone and never should you think you are...

Hugs,

Eric

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movingon
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230121 - 08/28/07 11:02 PM

I think my CD4% is 29. The doctor said NOT to do resistance testing yet, as its expensive and the regimen he is reccomending is "tried and tested" Also, i am not co infected with anything else, no HEP, nothing, just slighty high cholesterol. Question, i keep hearing about 1 pill per day regimens, but he is suggestion 6 pills per day. Would this be an attempt to lower my viral load and increase my CD4 faster ? This is doing my head in !

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Survivor
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Help me new
      #230126 - 08/28/07 11:55 PM

It is a general rule excepted by Hiv Doc's in the US to always conduct pheno/geno type testing. I do not agree with your doc on this point. You can also post your question in "Ask the Experts" (tab at top) and ask what their thoughts are on this matter...

The pill you are refering to is Atripla.. One pill, once a day (3 drugs combined). Atripla is a combination tablet containing Sustiva and the NRTIs Viread (tenofovir) and Emtriva (emtricitabine) it was approved for use in the United States in July 2006.

All combo's for first line treatment niave patients (you) are generally one PI and two nukes..

29% cd4/cd8.... In a perfect world where 14% = 200 cd4 absolute = aids diagnosis... You are at 29%... Do the math... Feel better?? :)

Eric

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oldwoman
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230139 - 08/29/07 12:53 PM

Hi Lostnscared,When I was diagnosed my CD4 count was 5 I honestly don't remember my VL(I was really sick at the time)I started on the same regimen you are on and within 2 months I was undetectable and my CD4 just kept climbing.It's great that you're wife is so supportive,what a rough way to start a marriage.Talk to your Dr about having children it is possible.If you are close to your family than they are going to notice that something is wrong,just my opinion but if you tell them now it will prevent all the stress of keeping such a big secret and maybe save some hurt feelings and misunderstandings along the way.And you need all the support you can get right now.There are always a few people who can't handle the truth but most would prefer to be told and given a chance to help and support the people they love.Again that's just my opinion,but then I tell everybody.

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ItsFaith
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Reged: 10/17/05
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230147 - 08/29/07 02:55 PM

Eric....you're so damn knowledgeable and are a treasure to those that are feeling lost and scared. Love you angel.

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Survivor
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Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230154 - 08/29/07 05:47 PM

Faith and Scared... I find that knowing a bit about this protien problem allows for a bit easier exceptance in having it and dealin with it.... It still is a Rat Bastard and I will never make friends with it or invite it out for tea. :)

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chrisbadmushroom
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Reged: 05/24/07
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Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230156 - 08/29/07 06:05 PM

yea but i bet when you get a chance you will have no problems serving it an eviction notice :)

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Survivor
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Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230163 - 08/29/07 07:30 PM

I would even be happy giving it a downgrade to a much smaller room in the basement with no light, no electricity and no heat and a secured door that could only be opened when I sell the house... :)

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movingon
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Reged: 08/27/07
Posts: 66
Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230167 - 08/29/07 09:31 PM

Survivor - i noticed you post your lab results here. looks like things are working for you. I hope i have the same success on meds. Just so scared

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Survivor
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Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: i tested positive 3 weeks ago. I'm scared. Hel new
      #230168 - 08/29/07 09:50 PM

I usually have them up... I stuck em back up for you...

You will have the same results if not better... Have faith...

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