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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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trivialpursuit
Newbie

Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 2
Loc: Saint Petersburg, FL
going through the motions...
      #229064 - 08/01/07 03:24 PM

hi. i recently tested positive about two weeks ago. i have received my confirmatory test and have started blood work. the people at the testing center were so surprised; when i came back for my confirmatory test- i had already gotten blood work started, done research, had a second oral-sure, and just prepared myself. i guess this isn't common. i am taking responsiblity and control of this! i am not really too scared, but just kind of lost...sort of going through the motions. i am only 20; you never really think it is going to happen to you. i am not feeling too down; i know this isn't a death sentence--but it feels like it cut my life span down to 40. i have always said your 40's and 50's are your best years; you’re still young enough to do things and have the money to do them. i have always dreamed of finding love, but i am not sure anymore. everyone says, "oh, you'll still find someone--positive people find love all the time", but I would be scared to give someone i love the virus. i was driving home from my appointment and i was thinking about whether i would stay with someone if they told me they were positive...i wasn't sure...i couldn't decide...i just feel alone. i don't want to tell anyone because i don't want to be stuck with a stereotype, but i also worry about whether they find out the wrong way. life has gone on...i still show up for class. i still go to work. i still hang out with friends. i still go out on dates. BUT something feels different. my life is tainted. something is wrong. fear. rejection. told you so. life. death. i dunno.

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still_here
Guardian

Reged: 02/01/06
Posts: 389
Re: going through the motions... new
      #229068 - 08/01/07 06:25 PM

i'm coming out of my denial phase... spent the last year just looking at myself thinking, this can't be true. i can't have this. but every night when i pop the pinkish horse pill in my mouth i'm reminded i am HIV+. and on friday when i go to pick up my refill for the 22nd time, i'll be reminded again. sometimes i just wanna shout & scream & tell everyone. but reality slaps me & reminds me that not everyone on the planet is as accepting. i have no words of wisdom to make it better, other than.. it is what it is. you can make the best of it, or the worst of it. i'm still tryin to be a rockstar. still trying to find that love, still praying that if i do, he'll understand. until then, i'll hold fast to my faith, hold fast that they'll find a cure, thank God for my health while i have it, and be thankful my doctor isn't a schmuck. LOL! it does get easier. just all in how you approach each day, i guess

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needavise
Member

Reged: 08/01/07
Posts: 11
Re: going through the motions... new
      #229077 - 08/02/07 06:34 AM

i am sorry to heard how bad you feel baout all of this. I know in times like this people will like to be able to talk to someone, maybe in private. if you need someone to talk, or at least exchange emails, post your email here, and i will write to you.
I am have not take the test yet, last time was last year. since then i have been extremelt stupid by meeting people in bath housess, and such, or onine, and having sex with them.
to my knowledge i have been safe, but sometimes not so sure since sometimes you have the "what if" momments.

so, even though i do not have a fact result with me, sometimes i hit myself in the ass with the fact that i may be poz, and how hard will be for me to deal with it.

anyways.
if it helps to talk, post your email addy, i will email you.
take care.
i hope you feel better today.


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kolo
Regular

Reged: 03/16/07
Posts: 41
Re: going through the motions... new
      #229093 - 08/02/07 05:29 PM

Hi there,
I know what you're going through. If you need a shoulder or a good listener, I am here for you. Just PM me. I had the same feelings about 6 months back, and the folks on this forum were very supportive.
I just want to encourage you not to drop your studies. I was diagnosed exactly a month to a major acedemic event in my life....and I did not give up. I am proud to say I made it and I am looking forward to a long and rewarding life as a positive lady.
I found love after disclosing my status...I also found disappointment. Its a two-way thing. Its like other aspects in day-to-day life. Its easier to accept and move on.
Bad days come....but negative folks have even rainnier days!
Hang in...and like hellfire72 says.....there is still a lot of hope. I believe most hivers will die with the virus, but not from the virus.
You are not alone.

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movingon
Fanatic

Reged: 08/27/07
Posts: 66
Re: going through the motions... new
      #230174 - 08/30/07 03:41 AM

hi to you all - i am very new to this as i just tested positive about 4 weeks ago. I have gone from being suicidal every day to hitting the gym and eating healthy and smiling in 3 weeks. I guess in the end i got bored of crying and feeling down , and i realised that i am still alive. I am happily married and she is extremely supportive, and tested negative. I am still very scared, mainly due the fact that i have NEVER been to the doctor for anything other than a chest cold, i NEVER showed any symptoms , and this was the first time i had been tested, then BAM - i am positive. Also i am worried cos my first set of lab results weren't too great, My CD4 is 284. I have to go back in 4 weeks for repeat tests. The doctor thinks i might have had HIV for 3-5 years ! This is worring me - is my CD4 liley to drop down to under 200 in the next 4 weeks ? Will meds work for me ? I keep hearing of this single pill regimen , but my doctor want to put me on 6 pills a day ! if anyone can shed some light, maybe even help me a little but, i will be very grateful . Thanks .

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oldwoman
Guardian

Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: going through the motions... new
      #230179 - 08/30/07 09:03 AM

Trivialpursuit,it's good that you are taking control of things,don't let it get you down.No your life span won't be cut down to 40,Dr's tell you that people can live 20-25 years with this disease,that's only because they have only been watching it for the last 20-25 years.Your life is not"tainted"but give yourself time to adjust,you just got some really big,life altering news only 2 weeks ago.It's going to take you some time to come to terms with that,and at your age looking at so much life in front of you,that's a lot to accept. When I was first diagnosed and told the guy I was seeing and he was so sweet about it,more concerned about me than about whether or not he had it.I have to admit I don't think I would been that good if the situation were reversed.He is still negative after 3 years so there is still a chance for you too.
Educate yourself,make sure that the info you get is true and up to date,research is bringing changes to us so fast it's hard to keep up,talk to others who have it and keep coming back here for support.

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