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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Anonymous
Unregistered

I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in
      #204057 - 08/19/06 06:31 AM

I've just tested positive for HIV yesterday. I've been with a very loving guy for almost 3 1/2 years and we broke up 4 months ago. I knew it was a bad idea to break up but w e both felt we needed some breathing space inorder to get back ontrack.

While we were apart I had a one night stand, and now i'm positive. We are in the process of talking about trying again and getting back together but now all that's gone. How could I possibly get back with him which is what i want more then anything in the world and I know he does too.

I can't / darent tell him because he'll not want anything to do with me ever again, and I don't have anyone else to turn to. I can't talk to my parents because I can't upset them. It will certainly kill one of them through pure worry.

I've read post's about how it's not a death sentance but it is for me. I've lost everything, and any hope of getting it back is now even more dashed by the result. I feel scared, alone and noone to talk to.

I can't see how I can carry on with all this confusion, hurt and knowing what I've got. I was seriously considering booking into a motel, writing a few letters to loved ones and then topping myself. Afterall, who is going to want anything to do with me if I tell them, I've lost the life and the guy I love dearly

I just can't do this, I know people say they do, they through it and carry on but I just don't feel I'm strong enough and constantly worrying about when it will change to AIDS.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in new
      #204064 - 08/19/06 08:16 AM

Take a deep, deep breath.

I know you won't really believe me at this point, but try to trust this....It will get better. It will.

We've been there. We know. Your world has just been turned completely inside out. Nothing is as it was, and it won't be again. BUT that doesn't mean you won't have happiness and joy again. You will.

To start. Give yourself so time to get used to all this. In the meantime until you are ready to disclose to him. I wouldn't have any sex with him. Even with condoms if he doesn't know. I know that won't pass on the virus, but with all you have going on, you don't want to add any guilt to yourself, rightly or wrongly at this time. There are many instances of a partner testing postive and the couple working through it. It's not always easy, it's not always successful, but it is doable.

Right now, take care of yourself. Understand that you are going to have a lot of emotions. That's normal to be feeling what you are feeling; scared and alone. It's OK. Be kind to yourself. I cried for days, just sure I was going to leave my children orphans.

Get in touch with your local Aids Service Organization (ASO), they are a wealth of information. Find a good ID doctor and get your lab work. Then you will have a better idea of where you stand. Arm yourself with information about the progression of HIV. With proper treatment an AIDS diagnosis can be held at bay for years and years.

It's never been a matter of any of us being strong enough to carry on. We aren't special. We just put one foot in front of the other as we move from day to day. You will also.

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polywog
Member

Reged: 07/30/06
Posts: 79
Loc: toronto
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in new
      #204068 - 08/19/06 09:16 AM

i know very well how you feel. this is a shocking piece of news and i still have days where i'd like to wind back the clock, or would rather wake up to a day that it didn't happen. but it did to me and to you and now , you and i, have to learn to live with this.
None of us can understand your particular circumstances, but there is always a point to living. and you will live. the stigma that comes with this condition is so awful it actually makes one want to end things, moreso because of what we believe people wll think of us if they find out. For myself, the only people that need to know are my partner and my closest of friends. Other than your sexual partners, it's up to you who you tell. Your ex, you'll have to find the day to tell him in your own time. I hope you come back and tell us how it went, and as dismal as things seem right now, with the advances made today - you will live a full life - it's the mental ride that's challenging - get past that , and you're back to being a happy guy again. There is a point in living - you will find it and you'll go on. Please take some heart in the words and stories of others on this forum.....good luck my friend

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Bear60
Veteran

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in new
      #204069 - 08/19/06 09:46 AM

#1 Educate yourself about HIV
#2 Find a good Infectious disease doctor and become partners in your treatment...ask questions
#3 The truth will set you free....dont lie to your boyfriend

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204071 - 08/19/06 10:05 AM

Hi Guys,

Thanks for all of your words. I've just spent the past hour crying down to phone to some guy at the terrance higgins trust (I'm in the UK) and hes helped a little. He explained that I wont die of HIV - people die from HIV related infections that can be caught by anyone. Think I didnt understand this properly before.

It's made me realise that I need to find someone to talk to, I'm thinking about approching my Ex (where we both want to get back together) and hopefully he will offer me support. As for getting back together, as much as I'd love nothing more I really don't know how he would feel about it, i hope so but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I just hope that he doesnt reject me completely. I dont think he will but I suppose that there's always that chance.

I know he will worry and probably want to get tested and I'll hate myself for putting him through that. Why is life so shit!!

The guy I spoke to said I would lead a full life expectancy. I hope this is true, or do people die before that? I keep on hearing referrals to "Can expect to live another 10 years" .... if I can expect to live a full life expectancy why I do keep on seeing this line referred to?

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Bear60
Veteran

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204072 - 08/19/06 10:14 AM

Hey there......
Wait, wait, whats wrong with your boyfriend going to get tested? If he hasnt been tested, then he should know his HIV status....everyone who is sexually active should know their HIV status if you want my opinion.
As for how long you will live.......thats not something anyone can tell you and its not something you should dwell on. Do you want to get a degree in Astrophysics...theres still time!!! The point here is: live your life to the fullest. Make plans and follow through on keeping your self healthy.

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204103 - 08/19/06 04:18 PM

Bear brings up a very good point. You BF should test. He should know your status.

If your BF has never tested.....how do you know it wasn't him that infected you. People can go for years and years with HIV and not know they are infected if they don't test. Something to think about.

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polywog
Member

Reged: 07/30/06
Posts: 79
Loc: toronto
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in new
      #204106 - 08/19/06 06:30 PM

that's right, the bf should be tested anyway. as for how long we'll live I understand your question is really "how will HIV affect my longevity?".....well, that's the part that we can control, it doesn't have to end your life any sooner, providing you take care of yourself. eat right, exercise, stay mentally healthy, knock of the social drugs etc, this is something that we have to pay special attention to in order to obtain a normal life span with this conditon. The meds and treatments are improving dramatically every year, now just one pill a day for some. I, for one, have every intention of living until there is a cure/ vaccine. I believe this will occur in our lifetime. Many have different opinions about that, but if we can't ever cure it, we sure as hell can learn to iive with it, and sooner than ever, it is getting easier. hang in there buddy!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204116 - 08/19/06 09:57 PM

How did you get it hiv. Was it from unprotected sex?

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Jenni
Regular

Reged: 11/06/05
Posts: 149
Loc: Texas, USA
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204120 - 08/19/06 10:31 PM

If he loves you he will deal with it and help YOU deal with it.

I am - and my bf is +, we found out after we had been together for a year (having unprotected sex the whole time). I didn't leave him, and I never would, over this. He is still the same person inside, and so are you. True love can conquer all. That includes HIV/AIDS!

Learn your facts, gather up some information, and give it all to him when you tell him. If he truly loves you he will be with you regardless. Yes, it is a lot to deal with... It can be overwhelming at times, but you can introduce him to this website. Trust me, it helps me.

Good luck! Don't give up on him, or on yourself... THIS IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE!!!! If he doesn't want to be with you then he's not the one for you and you will find someone better.


--------------------
It's you that I live for and for you that I die.
So I'll lay here with you until the final goodbye

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204169 - 08/20/06 09:53 PM

Do you know your one night stand is what gave you HIV? Did you experience ARS (a flu like illness) within a few weeks of your encounter?

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ai77
Member

Reged: 04/12/06
Posts: 62
Loc: California
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in new
      #204173 - 08/20/06 10:20 PM

Hi - that's really good you spoke with someone who could give you some support and info. I could see a change in tone even between your first and second messages. Gathering information and talking to someone has made you that much more competent to deal with your HIV.

It sounds like you're already realizing that being HIV+ isn't the end of the world, even though it seems like it at first. For sure, you will have some adjustments to make, but if you decide to take care of yourself (mentally, whole body health, and monitoring your HIV), you are in a country where there is good medical care and support and you can still HAVE A GOOD LIFE.

You will know when it's the right time to tell people. I fully understand how you feel about telling your parents. I actually felt worse for them than I did myself when I was first diagnosed. But luckily for me, they have been incredibly supportive.

Take one step at a time and cross each hurdle as it comes. Come back to these boards anytime you want to rant/rave/etc... We'll be here.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in new
      #204184 - 08/21/06 12:21 AM

People are right. HIV is no longer a death sentence. Life isn't always easy with HIV but it is much easier today than it was when treatments started being available 10 years ago.

I would suggest that you go see a counselor, preferable one that has experience in dealing with HIV positive people.

Life is worth living with HIV. The first year or so is always the worst, but you can live with HIV and be healthy and happy. Don't give up, things will get better.

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eleniel
Regular

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point new
      #204186 - 08/21/06 12:23 AM

I don't see how this is even relevant to the issue being discussed. stop bothering people who are coming to terms with traumatic events.

--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

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franfrog
Veteran

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: I've just tested positive. Can't see the point in
      #204231 - 08/21/06 09:59 AM

Ok where can I start off with this one. Well, forst of all, I suggest you be very open and honest with your ex. I think it was a great thing that you have spoken to someone about this and think you should consider continuing this.
HIV is not a life sentence and there are many people who are in +/- relationships. Me for one. I found out that I had not HIV but AIDS a little over a year ago. That was after I started a wonderfull life with my husband. It turns out I was poz and did not know it for close to probably 8-9 years. I had children from previous relationships and thought I would never find the right man who wanted two children(who knew he would be taking this on also) When I landed in the hospital with PCP and found out my diagnosis, I had a cd4 of 52 and vl too high, I thought my husband of 2 years was going to turn his back and run the other way. Well, needless to say he has been a rock. I have much support from my family and this place that I have never felt better in my life.
My point is, you can actually live a normal life and you would be surprised of the support you will receive if you are open and honest. Please take that into consideration and take the steps you need to get healthy first. Set up an appt with a Infectious disease doc. That is first and foremost. Then make sure you educate yourself.
Also as far as dying from HIV, I was knocking on deaths door when I was in the hospital, he would not let me in. That was a year ago and now my counts are cd4 508 and vl undetectable.

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