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SA_Intellect
Guru

Reged: 03/27/06
Posts: 247
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Completely Overwhelmed!!
      #182705 - 03/27/06 06:17 PM

I am a 28-year-old black male in San Antonio, TX and I was just diagnosed as HIV+ today and I FREAKED OUT for about 90 minutes. Luckily an excellent social worker was there to talk to me and has even called me twice today at home. The final results will be in next week, but I have already accepted the preliminary test as true (although a tiny part of me wants to hold on to some hope). To complicate things, I am starting a new job this week. How will I be able to concentrate and then ask for the time I need for follow up visits? But at least I'll start getting insurance in a month. I'll feel a lot better once I see a doctor and get my viral load and CD4 tests done to find out how advanced the disease is and start taking medication. I am so sad, shocked overwhelmed!! How could this happen to me. I'm too good and too smart to have been so stupid and let myself get infected. I don't want to die before my time or suffer. I'd rather die than suffer the ravages of Aids. I don't want to worry every time I get a sore throat or when someone sneezes next to me! I don't want to worry about how a bad month's sleep will affect my imminue system. I have so many goals I want to achieve. I wanted to get married and have children. Luckily I have a support system through immediate family and friends but I am so embarassed. I am THE LAST PERSON who you would think would come down with this disease and I've probably had it for almost a year. Oh God please, don't let it be true...But it is!!

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182709 - 03/27/06 06:37 PM

I smiled when I read your post.

I felt that way 7 months ago... I am happily married to my partner who is also HIV. We both work very hard at our jobs, we have one of the best HIV docs to go to who cares who we are. I have come out to my entire family friends, Mom and Dad. Sure everything you have said are lagitamet questions which will be answered over time. Dont answer them all today. My doc loves to tell me this "Eric, go live your dreams, your going to around for them".

SA - Make sure you are hooked up with a HIV specialist. Hang tight, sit back for awhile until you get your numbers back. You will find that being HIV is a waiting game. The trick to it is not to waste your life between all the waiting. GO LIVE. Go do a great job at your new job. There is abssolutely know reason why you cant! This is not the END... Hang around, get registered as a user here and keep talking by all means.

I would also get hooked up with your local ASO (aids serv organ) so you can talk with others who are going through the same things as you. As for having a family a spouse, these things are still very much within your reach... Stay on the pitty pot for awhile, but soon, get up, brush yourself off and come out fighting. Learn everything there is to learn about this little bug. Ask questions, do your research, make some friends. Confide your worries with others.... In the end, you will look back at this day alot differently, but that just takes a bit of time my friend.

Love

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SA_Intellect
Guru

Reged: 03/27/06
Posts: 247
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182713 - 03/27/06 06:44 PM

THANKS for your encouraging words!!! I really need them. I'm really scared. It's only been 8-and-a-half hours since I've known about my status and I am getting over the shock. But I am still incredulous. I don't want this to be true.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182714 - 03/27/06 07:05 PM

Question.. You said you were going to tell you family tonight??? Why?? Nothing has changed from say 10 hours ago.. I would give it sometime for you to put things into perspective as well as have some positive information for your family. Now if you feel oblicated then do so. But I waited until I had all my ducks in a row and had qualitative info to pass on to them... Just a thought. I would chill out a bit.. This is alot for you to dijest right now. To add the family into this might be to much for you right now...

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dj1979
Guru

Reged: 03/02/06
Posts: 276
Loc: rural upstate NY
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182725 - 03/27/06 08:01 PM

Sad, shocked and overwhelmed...I couldn't have said it better myself!! Don't know what the circumstances are for you acquiring HIV, and it doesn't really matter - we're all here for the same thing - support. I'm 2 weeks into diagnosis, although I had some inconclusive tests that looked like they were going to be positive about 1 month ago. I too thought there must be a false positive - but I was in denial. I also thought this couldn't happen to ME - I had been monogamous for 13 years, and finally had an affair (due in part to hubby's alcoholic bullshit) - and lucky me, I pick one of the few people in this area that are HIV positive. The guy claims he didn't know, but I have my suspicions otherwise. It doesn't really matter now I guess. All that matters is that I take care of ME - and I'm trying to do that every day. Eating healthier, taking vitamins, getting sufficient rest, etc. My labs are pending - I'll know my viral load and CD4 soon.

Good luck, hang in there, and keep posting here. These people are wonderful, and have been tremendous support for me.

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goofyme
Fanatic

Reged: 03/15/06
Posts: 56
Loc: nyc
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182748 - 03/27/06 10:00 PM

Dear Armando,

Sorry to hear about the first of your results. However, take a couple of deep breathe to collect yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. Be cool, calm and relax.

Nothing has to be done immediately right now, and just don't freak out as you said. With that said along with what everyone esle has said. Hang in there, and I know what you mean when you said I Know. Somethings we just feel..

Welcome, and should you need to talk, just shout.

Be well,

goofyme

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SA_Intellect
Guru

Reged: 03/27/06
Posts: 247
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182769 - 03/28/06 12:19 AM

I told my parents and they took it very well and just said they loved and supported me. It made me cry because I felt that I had completely disappointed them. I knew they would support me but I didn't think they'd take it so well. I am actually the one who is freaking out because I have to deal with it and it will be at least 5 weeks before I even get medical stats on my blood levels. I hate the fact that I'll be sitting around doing nothing while this virus continues its progression. I want to get on meds now!

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Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182841 - 03/28/06 12:10 PM

SA, you can find lots of good advice here. Lots of people with plenty of experience. I'm relatively newly diagnosed myself and the first few days/weeks are tough. Everything is so new and scary. You really don't know for sure what is going on in your body. But like Bear said, get a good Infectious Disease doctor and start there. I did some research and decided I wanted to go with a doctor that was involved in the leading edge of HIV and HIV research.

I can see where changing jobs could cause some anxiety but I've found that most of the ID doctors are very consious of you having to miss work and they try to minimze that. Basically it could only be once a month for a while and then once every three months. So may not be a big deal.

And keep in mind that this doesn't mean you can't get married and it doesn't mean you can't have children. Yes, there will be added risks that you have to consider, but it is still in the realm of reality.

Take care!

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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ny10001
Grand Master

Reged: 07/08/05
Posts: 199
Loc: New York
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182880 - 03/28/06 02:48 PM

Those are all the standard and natural questions many of us ask when we're diagnosed. It's perfectly normal. Unfortunately, intelligence, success, etc...don't mean a thing to a virus.

The good news...there's no reason you can't live out a normal lifespan. Dating is completely possible, too (in fact, I've found it surprisingly accepting of my condition). Becoming infected has actually helped me to take greater charge of my life and feel more confident in who I am as a person. Of course, it would have been nice if these newly found reservoirs of self confidence didn't come with a virus...but tough. They did.

Just know that everything will be fine. Chances are you've caught the infection in time to not have to go to the doctor right and left. Once you're up and running, simple monitoring every 3 months via a blood test is about all it takes.

Don't fear the medications, either. When the time comes, they're really quite simple. I take two pills once per day just before bedtime. It's not like the old days where you had to take a handful of pills. The newer generations don't change your appearance either.

Chin up...it gets better!

Steven

P.S. I went to school in San Antonio (Trinity University). Live in New York now. I miss those Taco Cabana fajitas! Order one for me! (a bean and cheese, too)

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Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182902 - 03/28/06 04:14 PM

ny10001, thanks for yoru comment on the meds. It is reassuring to those of us about to start meds to hear someone say that they are not a big deal. There seems to be so much negative coming to the surface that this helps a lot.

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182929 - 03/28/06 06:35 PM

How did you get infected? Was it a guy or girl you think that gave it to you and if so what way did it happen?

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SA_Intellect
Guru

Reged: 03/27/06
Posts: 247
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182956 - 03/28/06 08:15 PM

I'm bisexual and it was unprotected anal sex with a guy. The ironic thing is that I HATE anal sex and only did it becuase I felt pressured to. It was stupid and I regret it. I don't know exactly how long I've had it. I had a negative test in late 2004. So, I am guessing I became infected the first half of last year and I am just finding out now. Btw, I have no symptoms at all so you can imagine what horrendous shock this has been.

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #182977 - 03/28/06 09:08 PM

The shock would be if you were admitted for a serious OI that could have taken alot more. Be thankful that you now have the time, the resources to live and continue...... You will. It water under the bridge. Remorse is fine for awhile, but push on, go forward and live.... It doesnt matter how what or why... Not for you, not for anyone living with this. Its what we plan on doing about it that shapes and defines us... Not that past...

Love

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moonstarchild
Guardian

Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #183018 - 03/28/06 11:17 PM

Welcome to the family. Sweetheart, you are not the only one of us on this board that thought would never get it. I know how you feel. I get nervous that when I get sick I will go to the doctor and he will tell me that I have to go on meds. It has been two years and I don't have to take them. My numbers are good and I want to keep it that way. I am so blessed that I have a good group of friends here who help me through my anxiety and grief(just lost husband to AIDS 6mths ago-you can pm me if you want more info. It really is normal to backtrack and ask the 5 W's I call them. But then after that is done, you have to pick up and make a choice: choose to live or choose to die. I choose to live. I have 4 kids. It may sound harsh, but so is this disease. You have to be ready to hit the ground running and be ready to kick HIV in the ass. You have people here who support you and will help through this. IT WILL BE OKAY. God bless.

--------------------
HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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kenya
Fanatic

Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 60
Loc: Kenya
Re: Completely Overwhelmed!! new
      #183038 - 03/29/06 07:50 AM

hi. am also 28 years old; married and expecting a baby! both of s are +. so you can imagine. we take a day at a time and live in africa; particulalry kenya. you can consider us intellectuals too. wife with a masters; me undergraduate with good job. so there are our similarities. if you wish to communicate, get me at enyamorero@yahoo.co.uk

hope that life brightens for you each day.

--------------------
i believe in God absolutely and I choose life!

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