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Benders
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Call me morbid all you like......
#171960 - 01/27/06 11:21 AM
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OK this is a touch morbid, but i was thinking today, is it better to die ( eventually )of 'the HIV' or die before, because think about it boys and girls even with medical advancements how long do we actually have (sorry i think i'm in my realist phase ). So which is the worst evil, dying older but probably in pain or dying younger say by getting hit by a bus. Just thought i'd share some of the randomness that goes through my head. peace out xx
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Of course this is your choice. Why dont you wait till you get there to decide however you do want to go. Your not "there yet"
Best
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Benders
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I've decided when i get really ill i'm gonna kill myself, i realise it's a long way off (i'm not that morbid), i just have nightmares of people remembering as the ill person, i'm going out like that.
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The day you do that, the following day will be the Cure dont you know... Oh well... Dont forget about phase 2 and phase 3 meds and what your ID Specialist says (at least mine) "Normal Life Expectancies" for the newly diagnosed... Your mental attitude towards this needs work. Thats whats going to get us all.. Work on it.. please?
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daisey6205
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you are right, that is pretty morbid. please remember that others here don't want to think along those lines. i realize you are seeking comfort and this illness is hard on you and everyone else that has it, but 10 years from now i hope you can look back on this post and say, boy i can't believe i thought along those lines. live for what you have right now, it really does help.
don't give up on hoping for a cure.
love
daisey
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Benders
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Yeah sorry guys, i'll stop with the morbid shit now, it is slightly depressing, tis friday night, lets party :) xxx
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daisey6205
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yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! party??????????????? where?????????????? i'm in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
daisey
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AIDS2HIV
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being realistic...i'll just say this, if your spirit is well cared for, meaning if you, take care of it properly. It wont matter how you pass on. Its the spirit that leaves, and its that same spirit that people remember....i will tell you this, if you DO take your own life, thats what people will remember first.
Myself, I've led a hell of a life, my shame has been replaced with accountability, my hate has dissolved into pure love. My wife and kids will remember, how much closer this has brought us together, and what a positive light i have been....In fact i have instructed everyone when i go, that i do not want the "standard " funeral and burial. I want a dance party thrown at the funeral home, and a live band in the graveyard...I want people to celebrate my life, as i have....not to mourn, and be down about it. Life on Earth is a just an obstacle course for the next phase of Life that follows...jump the hurdles, run like the wind, conquer the mountains, and ski down the slopes....give everyone around you good things to remember, and they will......God Bless*
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Its ok. We have all thought about it. Those who think they have it, those who know they have it. But thinking and acting are very different.. Hang in there.. You still got alot to learn and experience!! AND NOT HIV STUFF...
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I Mean if Co can do it. Heck Bender so can we... Listen to that guy.. Hes going places. Ya Co, I know, "Heaven in the end.."
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Benders
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OK people, i'm going to go out and get drunk with my friends and stop feeling sorry myself, because like i should remind myself more often there's more to life than 'the HIV'. Have an excellent weekend one and all. xxx
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Everyone has a choice to go on living. But remember when you think of ending it all because of "what may happen". Think of this... I have been living with HIV 15 years and Aids for 3. I have to tell you I am GLAD I didn't end my life because I would have missed out on so many wonderful years of JOY! The illness is only PART of your life...not your total life.
Let me also tell you. When I was first diagnosed and living in the illness...depressed out of my mind. I sat across from a child (about 10 yrs old) in an airplane. He was in a wheelchair and he was pretty crippled up. "I thought to myself "I am worried about my life?" This child will never have a first kiss, a first date, a first prom, sex, marriage, kids. And I have had all that and WILL have more...regardless of an illness. It sort of put things in perspective...ya know? Its OK to feel depressed, we all have those feelings just PLEASE don't act on them. May the angels watch over you.
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"No act of kindness,
no matter how small,
is ever wasted." AESOP
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kenya
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it doesnt matter waht you die of! what is important is that you live and breathe according to your wishes. live the life you wanted. i have a friend who use to say that you may live 45 really good years with all you wanted or 100 boring years. i would say concentrate on the living! for life is in your tongue and your thoughts.
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i believe in God absolutely and I choose life!
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Bear60
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I am reading these posts and thinking about what it was like in the late 80's and early 90's....I don't think we should be too hard on Benders for having these thoughts. I think its normal. In fact I know of one person who blew his brains out after developing his second round of opportunistic infections in 1988. Almost everyone who was poz in that early era was stockpiling drugs ( sedatives, etc) for the final dose. I had my stash too. I even got literature from the Hemlock Society and prepaid...yes sir...prepaid my cremation. Well, that was 15 years ago. Obviously I did not act on anything like suicide because I was too busy living. And still am. However, lets not forget that its ok to have "morbid" thoughts. And, ....my cremation is STILL prepaid and was a lot cheaper then.
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6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
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Bear60... I can appreciate everything you went through and thank God its just not like that anymore. The stigma of HIV and AIDS has got to change somewhere. Where can this new way of thinking come from? Do we have to wait for an entire generation to die of natural causes before this thinking changes? My Dad who likened HIV to TB back in his day that eventually TB became a Non Issue. Today, people with HIV should also consider this to be a chronic controllable condition (agreed only if you have access to HIV medical care). My Mother asked Dr. Ben "Will there be a cure Dr. Ben?" Dr. Ben responded point blank to my Mum. "If you are talking about the mortality factor of HIV, then we have a cure." I understand we have 20 years of history, but we also have 20 years of recovery and progress we must also account for, do we not?? Lets stay on the positive aspects of HIV for that is all we who are infected have. I feel that staying on top of your virus, educating others and practicing NEW IDEAS are the only ways we will get over the stigma's of living with HIV..
This is just how I feel and by no means do I speak for this forum.
Love
Eric
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