Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol

HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

Pages: 1
Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Handling the response of friends
      #169846 - 01/14/06 11:55 AM

It seems like I've been living here the past few days and posting quite a bit. But that may be normal. Another issue I've been dealing with is handling friends. I've told my bad news to about five of my friends. I know it has been a shock to them too and they have to deal with some things. But how do I proceed now. Two of them have been super. They call me daily just to say "hey how are you doing?" One wants to do lunch today. Another one who lives a long way away called and said "I'm coming to see you over Presiden'ts Day!" And I know where I stand with those. But what about the others... two of them basically said "oh, I'm very sorry to hear that." And I've not heard from them sense... which is a change of the norm for them. One of them I haven't even heard from since then. I know that some folks may have such a difficult time dealing with my truth that they can't continue with me in the way they did in the past. So I just sit back and wait on them or should I try to maintain more of a contact? I do realize how lucky I am to have the two that are standing right there beside me so to speak.

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #169871 - 01/15/06 01:14 AM

my biggest fear is telling my family members including my Mom and dad who are elderly that iam very close with-how would they handle it. My sisters will have some what of an understanding as they are in the medical field i tested just 2 weeks ago and the things that have gone via my mind are just that should i tell my family members- my hiv doctor's visit is in 2 weeks i will know more as to what my levels are- i feel fine, just fine.
i feel bad about some of your friends feelings that they don't call you and i can just about put myself in that situation if i had told some of them.
perhaps your friends non responses that are out of the norm don't fully understand hiv and its not like its the 80s so i hear that we have a death sentence. its not like that we can live so much longer with drugs and proper care.

best wishes

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #169874 - 01/15/06 07:01 AM

personally i told em, and thier response told me of whether or not i wanted them people in my new life. those who embraced the news like i did, have stayed and been great for support etc. Those who judged me vritically fell to the way side. I decided that this was my 2nd chance at life, and wasnt about to be caught up in the drama people tend to create. Now i still disclose to everyone, i dont care what they think of me, i know by thier reactions as to whether or not they will be good in my life.....God Bless.

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #169877 - 01/15/06 09:22 AM

I can identify with your hesitancy to tell some family members. My parents are deceased so I don't have to worry about that issue, although I think that my mom would have understood and been one of my biggest supporters. I have waited to tell anything to my younger brother. I got the news about my positive test just six days ago. I'm going to wait till after my visit with my HIV doctor to tell any family simply because I want to know where I am with this thing and be able to provide some of that information along with the news. I will probably tell my younger brother but I'm not sure I'll tell my older one. Some people seem to be comfortable with sharing it with everyone and I think it is great if your are there. I'm not there yet. Right now I'm very selective in sharing the information. I can see family being a very important support group in this if they take it right.

I also know that this is one of those defining moments that tell me exactly who my friends really are. To this point the only ones I shared with are the ones that I really thought would handle it okay and would be there for support. Unfortunately some of those seem to have taken a step away from me. The two that really mattered to me are the two that I know are there for me. So I guess that's a great thing.

I think it is interesting that you mention that you feel fine. I do to! I have felt fine all the way through. Even the situation that caused me to go to my doctor wasn't because I was feeling badly.

In the past I always put off being tested because I really didn't want to know if I was positive. Now that seems so immature. Not getting tested doesn't help anything or anybody. Right now I wish I would have tested every six months rather than only once in the past 4 years. Because then I would know I hadn't put others at risk and I would also have the confidence of knowing how far into this thing I am.



--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #169878 - 01/15/06 09:25 AM

I admire the fact that you can be so open. Did you feel that way from the very beginning?

I guess one of my biggest fears is that I'm in a very small town (1100 people) and have a high profile job. It is a rural area where folks really don't understand this type of thing.

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
AIDS2HIV
Legend

Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #169891 - 01/15/06 02:34 PM

i too am from a rural area , small town america, in fact my local health dept, when asked to distribute condems and HIV info, they replied with "thats not needed here"...so when i pointed out i wasnt the only one with this disease, they said " well, its not wanted here ( for political/social reasons)" People are naive about this, uneducated actually. Now i speak publicly on prevention and Testing. In fact, next week i meet with alocal TV station who asked me to do a show on my life with aids in rural areas. wonder what my neighbors....do i care? No i dont. All we can do is try to educate and make everyone aware. I think to myself, i'd rather have someone think that something i said, may have saved thier life from this, as opposed to...someone who may have gotten this, because i refused to speak up on it. I mean seriously, we all are gonna die of something we cant control ourselves anyways. None of us can dictate the means or the timeline, so why worry about petty things? This shouldnt be treated as an end to life as you know it, it should be a beginning of your life. You are more than likely to die in a car accident or crime then something HIV related,now-a-days.You are gonna live a ling porperous life, so go out anjoy some of it.......God Bless

--------------------
Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Bhammer40
Unregistered

Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170150 - 01/17/06 07:35 PM

Hey Blixer:

I told my best friend back in Texas… she was very upset and angry that I allowed this to happen. She took this much harder then I have, but she supports me and loves me… so I let her vent a few days and give me the “You-SHOULD HAVE” and “COULD HAVE” jabber-jawing. Just a few local buddies and close co-workers know, but not my family. I think it is good to let someone else know. Heck the physicians I work with and my boss were all with me every time I was tested and waiting for the results to come back. Each time it returned negatively we all wept with relief… but then it finally came back positive. Yet, after 6 months of testing I was adjusted to the fact that this may happen. Well, Thursday is my first appointment with the HIV clinic. My partner took that day off so that he could be with me for this first visit. I’m going to see his doctor and eventually we want to set up our visits together. For now I’m living in a moderate level of denial I think. I’m more concerned about landscaping my yard this spring than what maybe going on in my body. I guess that is a coping mechanism.
~Bhammer40

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170176 - 01/17/06 10:58 PM

You are so receintly diagnosed.. Chill out a bit. Nothing has changed!!! You are the same guy you were before. If they didnt make that god awful tom hanks movie, things would be easier. If your friends pull away, well, they are not your friends. If they are uneducated (most likely about HIV in 2005) thats their problem. You have reached out and that is what counts. I have been very open to my friends, family, Mom & Dad, here on the boards about my entire ordeal. The only way I am going to beat this is with the help of all. "I will not subscribe to its the family secret" and just dont talk about it. FUCK! I talk about this everyday. It unfortunately consumes me. BUT, yet it pushes me forward - If you are not uncomfortable Your not growing. This is a force that makes you deal with alot of issues most people never experience until they up and croak. Now however, croaking is not part of the equation, just the stigma of it. I was told once by a very wise person "If this was called the ZEBRA condition and that there was no cure. However if you follow your doctors direction, take your medications, you will live a normal life expectancy." See no history, what the hell. Do what the doctor orders! Now that we have 20 years of history that was not so great, we have to overcome this. Think about it would you! Educate your friends..

If your friends dont want to talk to you, well they are shallow and dont know what to say. It might be up to you to educate them about your CONDITION. Its not a fucking disease either, disease comes if you get an OI going. And even then, your ID specialist can bring you back from these as well. I know way to many people that started out on AZT and are now on 2005 drugs and doing nicely. Dont forget, alot of people on these boards are working the WAR stories. I urge folks to stay in the SOLUTION. Otherwise, what else is there, PAIN, SORROW, REGRET. These will take your right down to basically the worst state you can be in. I KNOW AND I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE, CAUSE I BIN THERE! Anyway sorry for yelling. Just remember, friends are important. But just remember Friends stick by you thru and thru.

You have friends here if you dont there!

Love

RATBOY

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170182 - 01/17/06 11:37 PM

Thanks for sharing Bhammer. I actually told the guy that was my very first boyfriend last night. He knew I was having some tests done and when he didn't hear from me he emailed. Actually, I think he actually took the news harder than I did. He tried to even blame himself because he felt we would be together still had he not messed up. I told him it wasn't at all his fault, but I did find that even after almost six years he still cared and that was very touching. Many others have been supportive too. I know that Eric has mentioned being very open about it. So far I'm not there with being able to be that open. I even had a female friend say to me today "It's not aids is it..." Well, truthfully I don't know the numbers but even with that opening I was not able to go ahead and tell her. I've caused grief for this lady before and in no way want to cause more. So I'll be careful in situations like that till I know someone can handle the news.

In terms of denial... I can simply say that I'm so glad January and February are the months that are the busiest for me. I have absolutely no time to just sit and ponder on this. By March I should have my head on a bit straighter.

Thanks again!

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170189 - 01/18/06 01:50 AM

I appologize for my cussing above.. Not me at all. Very passive non aggressive. But sometimes I just get very infuriated at what we have to go through THESE DAYS. You would think understanding and love would be the goal? Oh sorry you have aids. Oh gosh can I have your car? Me oh my, I gota run nice chattin with you. Careful who you confide in. In your time not theirs. First you must ask, what reason does this person need to know? Is it out of obtaining sympthy? If it is, then. that is self-centeredness. Will do you no good and hurt you or someone that you love. I myself felt it very important for the people I share my life with to know. However, William has only talked to his closest friend and thats all he intends to tell (however after this last trip to Denver, he is moving closer to talking with some of his buddies.) He just says, "Eric, right now its not an issue and most likely will not be an issue for a long time if ever". I admire him for that. But he is also stronger in the mental side of things. I am that fragil flower who needs to be able to talk to people all the bleeding time. Just me..

I find Blixer that work takes my mind of of this. If I were to be at home not doing something, I would go nuts! I work very hard and I try to stay focused. Now and again, HIV is there, but its getting better. I think once the day comes that meds come into my picture, I feel I will get my routine in gear. William on the otherhand has years before he is going to need stuff. So, we both support eachother when the time comes.

Thanks for letting me beat up your thread.. Again sorry for the cussing, if I could delete it I would but I cant so I wont.

Keep yappin!

Ratboy

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170279 - 01/18/06 02:01 PM

I think you have added a lot to this thread. Your comments and insights are great! And we do all handle things differently. Like you, work helps keep my mind off of it. The HIV is there. Sometimes I still tear up a bit. But I get my mind off of it and back onto life. I've been lucky in that Jan. and Feb are the two most busy times of the year for me work wise. So there hasn't been a lot of time to think about it. If I were just home by myself it would drive me nuts I think. And I will say that I have had some amazing responses from friends. The most recent was a very touching response from an ex. Thanks for your posts!

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170281 - 01/18/06 02:08 PM

Thanks Blixer... You should really pat yourself on the back and give yourself a time out. This was a big week for both of us.. Ill pat your back and you pat mine. We are doing very well for this Newbiness.. Whats the next level after Newbie?? Maybe Fran or Daisy Knows... I am sure it will SUCK!!

laugh..

Love

NewbieRat..

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Blixer
Legend

Reged: 01/10/06
Posts: 599
Loc: Missouri
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170283 - 01/18/06 02:46 PM

Here is your pat on the back Eric. And yes, for being newbies I think we have done quite well. So what's next???

--------------------
David
Sustiva, Epivir, Videx EC


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
ny10001
Grand Master

Reged: 07/08/05
Posts: 199
Loc: New York
Re: Handling the response of friends new
      #170569 - 01/20/06 01:44 PM

Personally, I have found it best to tell only your closest of friends. There's really no need to be fully "open" about it with everyone. You never know how they will react. There's still a lot of hate and low levels of education in this country when it comes to HIV.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1


What's New at TheBody.com

Additional Information
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess 

Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 5330

 
Jump to

Contact Us | Privacy Statement The Body

*
UBB.threads™ 6.2.3