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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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confusednewbie
Unregistered

Just tested Positive last week
      #163044 - 10/31/05 09:42 PM

Hello everyone.

30 yo gay male, just tested positve last week. I did a home test after an unsafe experience less then two months ago. Came back positive - I was surprised because I just assumed I was being a hypocondriac like usual. I have been running the gammet of emotions as you can imagine but dealing. I have yet to make a DR appointment with my GP. I think I will call tomorrow, I guess it feels so certain to me if I call him. I am sure he will be great, I have visited a practice in Chelsea that is one of the leaders in HIV research. I guess I just feel alone. I told one friend and she was great. I just cant get over feeling like such an ass for getting this in 2006!!!! I know that is silly, but cant get it out of my mind. Anyway, enough rambling. Thanks to posters like Jenn and Daisy who make me smile when reading this. Hopefully we will all grow old together.

Please respond, I could use a friend right now :)

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ny10001
Grand Master

Reged: 07/08/05
Posts: 199
Loc: New York
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163054 - 11/01/05 07:51 AM

Hang in there. It gets better. And as for the comment about 2006, you must be an over achiever since it's only 2005! (just teasing with you)

Don't get into the blame game. Even if you made a mistake, that's all it was...a mistake. Just about everyone here has gone through the same thing.

You mention Chelsea, so I'm guessing you're in NYC. DOCS at 7th and 23rd has been an excellent care giver for me. They're up on the latest medications (which are very good and very easy to take). They're not judgmental, and I have felt very comfortable discussing any questions I've had about my disease and/or my body. Be sure you feel good about the doctor you select. You do need to view your relationship with your doctor as a long term partnership. Ask as many questions as you need to ask.

Chin up...it gets better. Trust me. :)

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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163057 - 11/01/05 09:43 AM

hi it's daisey... how are you doing? i know you probably are having a world of emotions and seeing every mistake you ever made flash before your eyes... don't allow yourself to wallow in self doubt or wonder what you did to deserve this. all those feelings are normal and soooo many more to follow. everything is going to be ok. life has just dealt you a hell of a blow, but you sound like you really are handeling it very well. so many people are going to offer you the support you need, TAKE IT. there are so many good people here on the boards. the ones i have came especially familiar with are faith123, debtex, stever, gman, but i am sure that there are so many others also....if i left anyone out, please forgive me. that does not mean that you are not equally as important.
keep strong and remember that there are genuine people here that really do care and look forward to growing old with you also. stay away from the assholes that come here only to bring you down. if you ever need a hand to hold, i am here as often as possible.... send me a pm and i'll give you my phone number and private email, if you ever need it-
remember above all else- that somewhere in our life time someone has to beat this!
love,
daisey

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163062 - 11/01/05 11:02 AM

HI ANONYMOUS I'AM FROM SOUTH AFRICA AND JUST TESTED POSITIVE LAST ON NOVEMBER AND UP TO THIS FAR I'M STILL DOING FINE. JUST LOOK AT THE POSITIVE SIDE OF THINGS YOU WILL NEVER DIE OR GET SICK UNLESS YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS AND TELL ME HOW U FEEL.

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jenn
Guardian

Reged: 09/14/05
Posts: 325
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163066 - 11/01/05 01:06 PM

I am honored you enjoy reading my thoughts! My God, don't feel like an ass - that is way way to hard on yourself. Would you feel like an ass if you got into a car accident after missing a stop sign after you have been driving for 14 years? No. You might say, crap, now I have to deal with this little mess. Same here. I look forward to knowing you!
Jenn

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163070 - 11/01/05 02:55 PM

hi confusednewbie,

How are you? I'm sure things can be better these days. and they will get better. you seem to have a very strong head on your shoulders, and know who you can count on for support. (you've known for a week, and already have a great friend you confided in)....so I'm sure alot of your friends are that supportive.
We are here anytime you need to vent, or just "ramble". we do alot of that here. and like some others have said...please dont beat yourself up over this happening in this day in age. You are a smart man....because you know and you were tested. It is people who would rather live in fear and wonder and NOT get tested that should ask themselves that question. Have you called the doctors office yet? Please keep us posted on how you are doing?

much love and prayers to you,
debbie

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confusednewbie
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163083 - 11/01/05 07:58 PM

thanks everyone for your words of support. They mean so much and I look forward to getting to know all of you better. I made my Dr appointment today with my GP. I am lucky because my Dr's consentration is in infectious disease/hiv medicine. I knew this when I started going to him 4 years ago...I know he will be a great partner. He said he would want to test me himself. Is this normal? He said that if the home test came back positive, then I probably am but he wants to make sure.

I am becoming a bit paranoid the last few days. Every ache or pain I think is someone related to this. I got a long haul ahead of me but I think I am strong enough to deal with this. Any more words of advice?

Thanks
Peter

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dorcymichael
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163084 - 11/01/05 08:02 PM

Just take one day at a time, talk about your feeling. If you need someone to listen, I am here to help you through this.
Peace! Michael

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163100 - 11/01/05 09:58 PM

I'm sure the doctor just wants to re-run the test, to have a clinical diagnosis for you. you or he dont ever want to find out that there may have been an error in route to the lab. (it does get sent in, right?). and you already have a great relationship with him.....I know its not easy.., but I can sense that you are leaning more toward a positive attitude about all this. write down questions you may want to ask. He will more than likely also want to draw other labs during the visit. please dont worry about the numbers. It always "sounds" worse when put into words. Please keep us posted on how it goes when you see him.
Any advise? You are already doing all the right things. you're reaching out, your talking to people, and you've called your doctor. and even if you dont know of anyone else you want to share this with....you know you have one great friend with you that you can talk to if you need to.
I look forward to getting to know you better.

much love,
debbie
by the way...when is your docs appt again?

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dmoo
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163196 - 11/02/05 10:51 PM

I know how it is. I found out almost 2 years ago and it was such a shock and i did the same thing didn't really know how to take it or what to do. My best friend would be totally freaked out by it and so I didn't have anyone to talk about it with. So the easiest way I found was really just to talk about it and look into how it works, and what is out there. Again like everyone has said I'm here if ya need to talk
D

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JARN
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163207 - 11/03/05 01:27 AM

Hi:
I'm sure you're in the throes of emotional upheaval right now, but keep thinking clearly!! Seeing your M.D. is the smart thing to do. _NO_
test is 100% accurate all the time, so, no doubt he'll want a lab confirmation to be sure you got a correct result. If it should turn out you _ARE_ positive this isn't NOW the end of the world it was 10-15 years ago.. My partner has been positive at least 10 years, probably 15 or more.. (We've been together since 1991.) He's
currently in excellent physical shape, although may need a change of meds soon-we have to see his M.D in a couple of weeks.

If, on the other hand you _AREN'T_ positive this was a good wake up call for you in future. I'm an R.N. so that has made adjusting to this easier for me than it might otherwise have been..

(I'm not positive-either resistant to the virus, or was sufficiently careful..) So keep hanging in there!!! He's going to be 50 in March, and I'm 62.. So, I guess there is life after HIV.. Hang in there, and _DON't GIVE UP HOPE_!!!!! JARN in Montreal, Canada

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confusednewbie
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163329 - 11/03/05 10:13 PM

went to the dr today took a ton of blood test not the best day but I am dealing. Thanks for all the encouraging words from everyone, it means a lot. I am totally an emotional wreck...one day I am sad, one mad, one happy, one indifferet. I feel kinda nuts.

This may be premature but how soon should I be planning for my death? should I start a will? Should I talk to someone about who gets what? It may be nuts, but that is where I am at today.

Thanks everyone
Pete


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daisey6205
Legend

Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163357 - 11/04/05 09:56 AM

you should always have a will regardless of the situation, because life is never promised. as for just because of hiv, don't start planning your death because of it. hiv is not the death sentence it used to be. right now the most important will you need is the will to live and carry on with life. the want and desire to live is so much more important than than planning your death.
emotions are normal.... everyday is going to be different. in time you will see that you are not nuts about your feelings and you will understand that finding out you have hiv, is no different than finding out you have cancer.
love
daisey

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Just tested Positive last week new
      #163382 - 11/04/05 03:58 PM

i know its hard not to think about death, especially with this new diagnosis. and i remember when first diagnosed....dying was all i would think about. even on the day I went to get my results...I was a total wreck. i was in college at the time...and we had this silly little contest. (dont even remember what it was--but it really helped get my mind off of that night). i was hoping it would be negative, but i knew it was positive, and was just bracing myself. well, I won the contest out of the class. do you know what I won? A software application for a legal WILL MAKER!! boy, was I freaked out. and after I got confirmation of my diagnosis that night, i figured the software was a "sign" of what I needed to do. (course when it was put all in writing, I realized what little I had)....but the one thing I had to be sure was taken care of was my son.
daisey is right, it is a good idea to have a will anyway. everyone who is concerned for where their assets would be distributed should have one. i know at the time for me, it helped me sort out all the scared feelings that i had...the knowing that someone would honor what i wanted. and even gave me the option of choosing a health care proxy. (which is hard...because i dont needlessly want to suffer, but I dont want someone to give up too soon either, you know).
but dont think about creating this will because of the hiv. hiv is very managable providing that you know about it, and you treat it and take care of yourself. and actually I wouldn't think of an hiv diagnosis equal to a cancer diagnosis. today it is more like being diagnosed with diabetes. diabetes can kill a person if they dont take care of it. it is the same with hiv. i know you are on a major roller coaster ride, that you would rather not be on.....but i promise you in time....there will be much smoother roads.
please let me know how you are. I am realy glad to keep seeing you reaching out!

love and prayers to you
debbie

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levi
Unregistered

Re: Just tested Positive last week.....19+yrs here new
      #163386 - 11/04/05 04:58 PM

hey guy
just celebrated my 19th anniversary of being hiv/aids on Oct. 26, tested poz in 86 and i too had a few years that were pretty bad, but i never think i m going to die of this disease, back in the 80s, i was 35yo when i tested, things were completely different than today, few meds and little hope with drs. etc. telling patients to keep results in completely secrecy, ppl were so afraid u could spread by touching or breathing on someone, and it was a lonely world, but with many ups and downs with treatments that had bad side effects i started realizing this disease is a chronic one but is controllable with proper treatment, both mentally and physically, was working thru 95 then on soc. security and then back to work in 99-01, because i got bored with laying around, but part of staying well is being self-centered, prob. sounds selfish, but admit to yourself when u don t feel well, take time to rest and eat well and stay on the meds, even tho the side effects suck, try your best to stay on a regime until u know your body can t handle it, sometimes the meds will do a 'job' on a healthy body, i m on Fuzeon injections for a yr.+ now, and have had two undect. VLs, hate needles but can handle almost anything now, u will prob. hear this more than once, but i consider myself a stronger, saner and healthier man if i hadn t became poz,
good luck guy, will pray u do well and hang in there

levi

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