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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Reged: 10/21/05
Posts: 2
Loc: California
One Week Anniversary
      #162354 - 10/21/05 05:55 AM

Tomorrow is my one week anniversary for testing positive. I was a complete wreck, ran the gammit of depression, hurt, denial, blame and tons and tons of breakdowns and crying. Thankfully my best friend was there every step of the way. The hardest thing I had to do was tell my mother. Guess there's no easy way to tell your mom you're HIV positive. They both took it as well as could be expected and I'm so lucky to have the support. My Doctors have been great as well calmed me down to the point so by Tues I drug myself back to work (mini-breakdowns and all). I almost fooled myself into thinking I was handling it all OK, but really I'm .5 seconds from a total meltdown. I'm in so much shock I can't even have a good nervious breakdown...I find myself staring into space all the time, dumbstruck. I tried to tame some of my fears by telling myself that my impressions of HIV/AIDS are stuck in the horrors of 1984, and that people don't die like that anymore...but that's not it. I don't, I don't know anything anymore. I'm really trying to say positive about things, but I feel like my life is a book that I already know the ending to...and needless to say its an epic tragedy. I prayed to God but I still can't shake the feeling of dread and devistation. God bless you all for listening!!!

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Reged: 07/19/05
Posts: 576
Re: One Week Anniversary new
      #162385 - 10/21/05 01:19 PM

I know this is a scary time. But try to remind yourself that you DON'T know how "the book is going to end," as you put it. There's no reason that people on modern HIV treatments can't survive for decades and die from old age. Add to that the fact that treatments are evolving all the time, getting easier and with fewer side effects, and you'll see that your life is going to be fine. Sure, this is a setback, and it may feel like a big one. But you'll be OK, as long as you take care of yourself. Really.

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Reged: 09/14/05
Posts: 325
Re: One Week Anniversary new
      #162554 - 10/24/05 02:01 AM

Funinthe sun,
How are you doing right now?

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Re: One Week Anniversary new
      #162843 - 10/27/05 05:48 AM

Wow. I just tested positive at the end of August and I know what it feels like to be scared and to entertain all those negative thoughts about your life quickly coming to an end. All that I can say is that you're going to have to completely change your mindset, and decide you're going to have control over this disease and not let it control you. Get all the support you need, cry it out for an hour(no more than) then pick yourself up and arm yourself with all the info you can to fight it. Decide today whether you're going to get on with living or get on with dying. I'm always here if you need to talk.

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Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: One Week Anniversary new
      #162854 - 10/27/05 01:58 PM

we all have regrets and things we wish we could take back, unfortunately there is no way to get back yesterday... if there was let me tell you how i'd turn back the clock and never divorced my husband in the first place, then he would have never got hiv and now we would be celebrating our 10 year anniversary (we just remarried in june) without hiv being a factor. but it is impossible to undo what has already been done and the only thing now to do is go on and look forward to today and hope to see tomorrow because life is not guaranteed, regardless of hiv. i know you are hurting. we all hurt and hope to see a cure in the near future.....
think back 20 or 30 years ago and how scared everyone was about hiv, it was worse then, as far as survival rates and so on, but now look how far they have came. if you stop and think about it meds are constantly getting better and modern medicine advances on a daily basis. if somewhere you can find peace in knowing that everything chages, then i think you will find that light at the end of the very dark tunnel you are looking down. find hope in each new day, because everyday is a new adventure. i have found that coming to the boards helps me to focus on other peoples hurts rather than my own and it takes away alot of my own fears. no it does not take the feelings of what if i'd have done this differently... but even if i had of done things differently, then would i be dealing with something else?? that is a question i am sure many of us have asked ourselves... but now is too late to wonder about all the what if's. but you do have the choice now to make each day count and live it to the fullest. i know you are trying to remain positive about your diagnosis and not have a mental breakdown, but honestly there are times when i feel like i am going to lose it, that is normal. given time it will get easier. i have been diagnosed pos for almost 2 months now and my husband 4 months now and i will tell you just like he told me.......................................
someday, someone has to beat this thing. keep it mind that YOU may just be that person.

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Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 65
Re: One Week Anniversary new
      #162917 - 10/29/05 12:36 AM

do you take meds...are you sure you are ready for work everyone tells me to pray, being positive is not the automatic death sentence it used to be, don't dwell in the past and negative feelings...that breaks your health down quickly if your health care provider is optimistic then you should be 2

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