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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

Pages: 1
Scotchula
Member

Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 18
Feeling strange and a little lost..
      #157918 - 07/29/05 01:30 PM

Hello all,

I was just given the news yesterday that I am HIV positive. This was after a hospital stay due to weight loss and watery stools. At first it was thought it was Crohns or UC, but one by one all thoes were discounted until all that was left was HIV, which is now awaiting the western blot resaults to confirm. I should find out later today at my follow-up doctors appointment.

While emotionaly I am not too bad off, I have good support from the family and friends I've told so far. Mentaly I dont know what to think.

See I'm not going to see a specailist until Tuesday. I cant help but think I am going to suddenly come down with all kinds of strange infections befor then. I feel like I wanna put myself in a plastic bubble. I've been given permission to go back to work, but besides the fact that I feel physicaly vulnerable right now, i also feel a little strangely going back to buseness as usual so soon after finding out.

I'm trying to surround myself with posative info.

I have a few questions to anyone with imput or experience.

While at the hospital, all the other test came back good. Tho I dont know exactly ALL the test that were done. I understand that my red blood count was good, electrolites good, had a TB test which seems to have come back neg (the one where they poke you in the arm). The only two bad resaults were that my white blood cell count was 'a little low'.

I have a million questions but I guess the formost ones on my mind are these.

In hindsite I am wagering that I exposed about 5 yrs ago. I hear lots of good things about the drugs returning people to a normal life. But I also hear that prospect is lowered the longer you wait for treatment. Exactly how far along am I in this? What are my odds?

Also, even tho I tested neg on the TB test. I do have a persistent cough, sometimes dry, sometimes with mucus. Besided this, my weightloss and digestive issues I feel ok. Any idea what this cough could mean and what bearing it could have on my CD4 count and viral load?

In regared to my weightloss, I am very thin, 110 down from 145. I look bad, mentaly I dont even want to look at myself in a mirror or when showering, even before know I was HIV+ I didnt want to look, now its worse. Anyone else experience this feeling?

Finally, I am by no means going to be able to afford the specialists, lab tests, or meds to cope with this. I dont have insurence and basicly live paycheck to paycheck. I have visions of dying of aids simply because I have no money. Somebody please tell me this wont happen!! I dont know where to begin to find this kind of support, I've tried the internet but its all overwhelming.

Any positive info regarding my above concerns would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #157924 - 07/29/05 02:34 PM

Hey Scot,
I'm SO sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. the only good outcome is NOW you can do something to make yourself better. If they've done a tb test,...it is in fact negative, then that is not the reason for your cough.

Your right, there are alot of great treatment options availabe now, which controls this ugly thing...to something that is managable. you will be fine to wait until tuesday for your appointment. They may want to do a chest x ray (they usually do one as a baseline to see that things are ok anyway).

You're numbers the first few times you go, may seem scary. (viral load especially)....but it is VERY normal for them to be that way. (I do hope you touch base on tuesday and let us know how things went w/ the specialist)

There are MANY state funded programs to help individuals w/ hiv care. the visits, the labs....and especialy the meds. i dont know what your income is, but in mass they allow for a one person household up to 50,000 a yr...which is VERY high in mass. even if they have insurance, these programs (in my state called HDAP) will help with your co-pays. so that you dont go without necessary treatment. Please let me know if you need help in obtaining any of these applications. I will help you with that.

I'm glad to see that after one day you are reaching out to others, its important to help you not feel so alone. and also SUPER that you have a great support system as far as friends and family. it will help you keep a positive attitude, which is KEY in staying healthy. it can be quite overwelming, and you are in a good state of mind, and keep it up. But if your ever feeling OVERWELMED by it. please share those feeling too. its important to get it off your chest. And we are ALWAYS here to listen.

love and prayers to you
Debbie

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HudsonJet
Member

Reged: 07/03/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Texas
Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158051 - 08/02/05 06:44 PM

You'll be fine, don't worry. First of all, get those visions you describe out of your head---that is not going to be your life.
Just because you're broke doesn't mean you are any less of a person than the rest of us or that you won't be cared for just as well as someone with full insurance. There are programs to help you, so whatever you do don't torture yourself with unnecessary worry. I just tested positive recently and I understand your anxiety and fear but once you visit with your doctor you'll feel alot better. This is a great website for you to seek support and it's great that you've already discovered it. Stay calm and keep us posted.
HJ

--------------------
HJ

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ScotCharles
Legend

Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 924
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158070 - 08/03/05 12:27 PM

Goodness, you aren't going to die, that would be easy - you're going to live, which is much harder. Keep your wits about you. Stay informed and aware. Look for all the help you can. Remember to ask for help, and if no one answers, ask louder, and louder still. Work on finding peace everyday.

You'll be fine, don't worry.

ScotCharles

--------------------
Life is a river.
Carpe diem.

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Minister Mary
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158108 - 08/03/05 07:50 PM

Jesus is the answer to all of your problems, develope a personal relationship with him. With him you are not lost because he died to save the lost. Just accept him as your Lord and savior today. He died that we might be free from sickness and infirmities but we choose to indulge ourselves in situations that cause these things to come over us, but in him all things are possible so just open up and allow him to be lord of your life and he will forgive you of your transgressions. And believe him for your healing. Find a good bible based church and begin to seek and obey his commands for he will never leave nor forsake you. You will stay in my prayers. God Bless

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Minister Mary
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158109 - 08/03/05 07:56 PM

mfclark82@hotmail.com
We can have further discussion if you choose to!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158110 - 08/03/05 08:15 PM

[quote]Hello all,

I was just given the news yesterday that I am HIV positive. This was after a hospital stay due to weight loss and watery stools. At first it was thought it was Crohns or UC, but one by one all thoes were discounted until all that was left was HIV, which is now awaiting the western blot resaults to confirm. I should find out later today at my follow-up doctors appointment.

While emotionaly I am not too bad off, I have good support from the family and friends I've told so far. Mentaly I dont know what to think.

See I'm not going to see a specailist until Tuesday. I cant help but think I am going to suddenly come down with all kinds of strange infections befor then. I feel like I wanna put myself in a plastic bubble. I've been given permission to go back to work, but besides the fact that I feel physicaly vulnerable right now, i also feel a little strangely going back to buseness as usual so soon after finding out.

I'm trying to surround myself with posative info.

I have a few questions to anyone with imput or experience.

While at the hospital, all the other test came back good. Tho I dont know exactly ALL the test that were done. I understand that my red blood count was good, electrolites good, had a TB test which seems to have come back neg (the one where they poke you in the arm). The only two bad resaults were that my white blood cell count was 'a little low'.

I have a million questions but I guess the formost ones on my mind are these.

In hindsite I am wagering that I exposed about 5 yrs ago. I hear lots of good things about the drugs returning people to a normal life. But I also hear that prospect is lowered the longer you wait for treatment. Exactly how far along am I in this? What are my odds?

Also, even tho I tested neg on the TB test. I do have a persistent cough, sometimes dry, sometimes with mucus. Besided this, my weightloss and digestive issues I feel ok. Any idea what this cough could mean and what bearing it could have on my CD4 count and viral load?

In regared to my weightloss, I am very thin, 110 down from 145. I look bad, mentaly I dont even want to look at myself in a mirror or when showering, even before know I was HIV+ I didnt want to look, now its worse. Anyone else experience this feeling?

Finally, I am by no means going to be able to afford the specialists, lab tests, or meds to cope with this. I dont have insurence and basicly live paycheck to paycheck. I have visions of dying of aids simply because I have no money. Somebody please tell me this wont happen!! I dont know where to begin to find this kind of support, I've tried the internet but its all overwhelming.

Any positive info regarding my above concerns would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks! [/quote]

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Bearby
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158115 - 08/03/05 09:13 PM

I know that feeling only too well but here I am 14 years later still as big as life as I ever was if not bigger beacuse I didn't let my HIV rule me I LEARNED TO RULE IT !!
I learned to take life as it comes even at the hospital ( the county one ) meaning things like the long waits to see the doctor on scheduled appointments but then hey the county is paying for most my hiv care when medcare doesn't ( yes since I am in haart the county pays for my meds ) so yes VIrginia there is hope !
Now on to other issues I too went thru the issues if having been diagnosed as having aids ( which after many many more tests revealed that I was just poz ) on christmas eve 1992 ( what a present that was ) then went thru the two years that I didn't even sleep in the same room with my long term partner of 19 years now for fear of some how infecting him .
The issue of having the chronic diarreah will pass when the meds will pass after your body becomes used to having them in it .
Now about the caugh that might be from some thing like second hand smoke but only you can know that .


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Ali-X
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158132 - 08/04/05 11:12 AM

Hello, I too was diagnosed with AIDS while in the hospital with neumonia,last year.....I did have insurance at the time which covered the bills and the doctors which started HAART
therapy on me right away...but, I could not go to my regular work,so,I immediately notified Social Security and was given the benefits of Medicaid (which covers all my meds and doctors)as a diabled person with Aids;
of course, I had to drop my private insurance and be independent of any other monetary support........so, a year later, I am doing very well on my benefits and my meds
have helped me gain the weight back. Also, I join a local suuport group "Ryan White Foundation" which includes doctors,meds and counseling for HIV/Aids patients here in
Miami. So, do not panic and call Social Security and your local
Family and Children Dept. and they too will help out with food
stamps,once you qualify for disability services thru Social Sec. OK.............good luck and think POSITIVE!!!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #158967 - 08/22/05 02:55 AM

Hello,
My story might make you feel a little better. A year and a half ago I was feeling extreemly bad. Absolutely no energy, uncontrolable Diareaha, sores popping up all over my neck (which later I found out was KS), thrush, a 104 temperature, 3 huge boils, and my weight dropped from 185 pds (normal for my height) to 145 pds. When I finally went to the doctor,(which I should have done three weeks earlier) he immediatly checked me into the hospital. A few days later on Dec 27, I was told I had AIDS. I had a CD4 count of twelve and my viral load was through the roof. I was horrified. After spending a week in the hospital, the staff put me in touch with a local health ministry clinic that specializes in treatment of people with HIV/AIDS that have no insurance. They helped me apply for meds through The Ryan White Foundation and gave me meds until I was approved. ( Most clinics like this have several different organizations they can go through to get you help.) They also offered free counseling for depression, anxiety and so on. (IT HELPS) After three months on my meds I was feeling alot better and was regaining my energy. Don't expect HIV meds to work overnight. For me, it took about a month to adjust to and after that my cd4 gradually climbed.
It's been a year and a half now, and believe it or not I am undetectable !!!!

Here are a few things I have learned along the way and I thought I might pass them along.

1. Always try to look on the bright side of things and surround yourself with people who do the same.
2. Find a special friend who you can talk to for support.
3.MEDS- always take your meds correctly, on time,every time, every day (a must)
4. Be as health concious as you can. Eat well and get fit
5. ENSURE, drink it (I swear by it) It's good for you and it will help you gain your weight back. (I'm back to my regular size plus 5 pds)

I hope this helps, I am probably a perfect example of a hopeless case who really wasn't.
remember to keep your chin up, and take charge.
.
jb

PS: please forgive the spelling


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franfrog
Unregistered

Re: Feeling strange and a little lost.. new
      #159133 - 08/25/05 04:23 PM

I just found out I was HIV+. I am thinking I got it about 8 years ago. I found out because I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and PCP. I was about a week closer to death. I went from 135lbs. to 107lbs. There is hope. If you go to your Social Security office and apply for paad(i think it is) there is also pdda. Trust me, it is worth looking into all your options. I just recently got married and thank god my husband has tested neg. Please do not get down on yourself. Look in to all your options. If you are feeling down feel free to e-mail me franfrog@optonline.net

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