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Received Positive Results Back Today
#14589 - 01/09/01 08:02 AM
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Well, I'm a 29-year-old guy that received a call today from my doctor that I tested positive. The blood test was for an unrelated problem, and I casually agreed to throw on the HIV test since it had been about a year since my last test. After I hung up from the call, I just kind of sat there at my desk kind of in a daze. Not being able to concentrate on any of my work, I took off work early and went home.
Once I got home, I logged onto the Net to gather as much information as I could. For the past few years, I'd only glanced at the stories in the papers about new drug combinations and medical advancements to fight this disease. And now, I can't seem to read and absorb enough information and advice about what the heck I'm supposed to do now.
Not having a partner, it's very frightening and lonely.
It's been about six hours since I sat down at the computer. I've been reading and reading and reading stories, articles, and journal excerpts on what I'm "supposed" to do next. However, to tell you the truth I feel that this message board has provided me with the most comfort that I can expect to find. To those folks who supportively responded to others with their unexpected news, thank you.
I've learned that I can expect to go through a myriad of emotions, that I definitely need to seek out a qualified HIV specialist (which should be somewhat easy considering my location), and finally that I need to tell at least one person rather that keep everything bottled up inside.
Well, the thoughtful users on this message board can serve as my one person to share this with. Thank you for sharing your stories and thoughts with me. On this first night alone with this devastating news, you've given me a little hope.
MJ
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shadow1
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Legend
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Reged: 12/06/00
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Posts: 1209
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Well MJ it sonds like you at least have a level head. When i was diagnosed i was all alone, no one to talk to, i had just lost my father 5 months before i found out. You are not alone as you have allready noticed, i was diagnosed in 1989, and have lived a verry full existance since i tested, in fact this year i am riding in the California Aids Ride for the 7th time as a PosPedeler, i am as strong now as i was before diagnosis and just as healthy. So if you need someone to E-mail or just to ask anything you can be asured i will respond to any thing sent.
Best To Ya
Gman
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Hey MJ,
You're not alone. Like Gman said, you're being level headed which is great. Researching and getting a good doctor are the right things to do.
There isn't really anything that can ease your feelings after first finding out you're positive, but time and talking. You will deal with it. You will find that while life is not the same, it certainly is not over. I tested positive in '96. Being positive is certainly a part of who I am, but not all of who I am by any means. I joke about spoiling my grandkids one day, but I fully intend to do that. I feel great, and I look forward to everyday.
Again, as Gman said, feel free to post to me. Just remember you aren't alone.
Jackie
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altazar
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Expert
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Reged: 11/14/00
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well mj as it looks so far you have found to good people to talk too let me be the third i am a 33 yr old and tested poz jan 2000 right around this time ,while granted i am sure it was not something you want to hear life does go on,at this point i am very healthy i work alll the time and enjoy life .i plan on being here for along time and i still have alot to do in my life,and i bet you do to and you can still keep your dreams with meds and a good dr ,you will be fine ,as far as a counserlor for alot thats a good idea while i chose not to talk to one that is just me,my family has been very supportive of me and that helps.and if you need to talk about anything be sure to message one or all of us and we will be there . take care alt
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DJG1974
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Newbie
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Reged: 01/11/01
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MJ
I wish you were here so I could give you a long hug! I am 26 and just tested positive in November 2000. I cannot tell you how shocking it was to have the doctor tell me that I was HIV positive. It is still so new to me and I continuously have a stream of emotions that I deal with. You are going to have so many emotions and not know what to do with them but the best advice I can give you about them is to DEAL with them when they come. Cry, scream, shout, curse if that is what you need to do. I have found that actually feeling all of my emotions has helped me tremendously.
I started treatment immediatly because of my cd4 count and viral load and have responded really well to the medication....Trizivir.......which was just released December 2000. I also found a great HIV specialist that has been very informative and supportive. I luckily have a huge circle of support surrounding me. This helps me get through the tough times.
My diagnosis was something that I didnt expect or really want but it is here........I plan to make the best of it. Keep your head up.......you are going to be just fine. We are here for you to help you in any way that we can.
DJG1974
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MJ,
Wanted to followup to DJG post. Although I'm not positive yet (awaiting test results); I know what they will be.
I've been seeing a Psychiatrist and hope treatment will get me over this period, just as I hope you can find ways to "press on".
Gathering info is good to do. If you want to chat you can come here for it. Good Luck and take care,
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What an amazingly articulate note. You seem so "together" that's such a great start!
I know I was inarticulate, a mass of emotions and too depressed to express anything....
As long as you continue to love yourself you'll do fine.
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