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kira
Unregistered

wut is it like?
      #25065 - 11/29/01 01:05 AM

HI everyone... i was just wondering what it is like to live in your position. I dont see how you can go on fighting for your lives and stuff. i would really like to hear from u, and please dont be offended by this.. thanx, bye.. email me at kjstrummer@yahoo.com, or talk to me now!!!!! keepsmilin-



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gregg629
Guardian

Reged: 04/16/01
Posts: 438
Loc: Boston
Re: wut is it like? new
      #25099 - 11/30/01 03:41 PM

Hey Kira,

Not a teen, but still thought I'd answer your question.

For me atleast living with HIV is not that different then living without it. I go to work every morning. I come home, go out with friends. I have a 6 yo son that I get to spend time with every other weekend. We go to Parks, movies, the Zoo, or sometimes just hang around the house and do nothing.

As for fighting for our lives there are tons of people out there that fight for their lives each and every day. Some have Cancer and have to go through Kemo or Radiation Therapy. Some might have been in major accidents or are burn patients. What makes them fight for their lives? I guess mostly we all have an urge to live and to get through what's in our lives.

Living with HIV can sometimes be tough, but no more then anything of the other obsticles that are in every day life. I take 4 pills a day, I'm not going to say that they don't make me feel very sleepy and sometimes a little sick, but I take them at night so I sleep through most of any side effects that they might cause.

I have been asked if I ever fear dying. The way I usually answer it is that no one of us ever knows really when we are going to die. We could be invovled in an accident tonight and our life could be taken. You never know what is going to happen.

I guess that the one down side that I find is that it's sometimes lonley being HIV positive. I am single and when I go out to clubs or out to parties and meet people that I have interest in and they seem to have interest in me they get scared and loose interest when they find out that I'm positive. People still have a lot of misconceptions about HIV I think.

I will say tho that I'm impressed by your willingness to ask questions and find out things.

I hope I kinda answered your questions. If not, let me know.

Gregg

gregg629@aol.com




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mgdlvr
Newbie

Reged: 05/28/02
Posts: 3
Loc: Indiana
Re: wut is it like? new
      #34806 - 05/28/02 05:45 AM

Dear Kira,

I'll tell you what having HIV is like just so you can be very scared. While being young and somewhat nieve about the world and people, think of HIV as oh the dark lord of death. Right now he has a hand on your shoulder and keeps laughing at you all the time. Think about the person you may have loved with all your heart that you gave your very soul to, telling you that they have contracted hiv and that they are in the latter stages. Then having to deal with the depression and anxiety of the disease. The crying, the suicidal thoughts racing through your head all the time. The planning of your own death is a real eyeopener. How to hide it from your friends and family. My excuse was that I had a problem with my liver. You see I was really athletic I'd bike about 12 miles a day 7 days a week. Then I found about my HIV. That wasn't very fun. The depression nearly killed me, sorta wish it did sometimes. So then the problem came with overeating. Because I was scared to become gaunt like all the Hiv+ people I've seen on TV or even a one friend of mine. Then you have to find yourself a doctor. Well I went to a specialist in a city. Who was a true BITCH. tHE first words out of her mouth was " you should have been using condoms." And the disapointment went downhill from there. Oh yeah never go to Howard Brown Health Clinic in Chicago. Had two bad experiences there. They must be in it for the money and not to care for anyone of their patients. Their costs are outragious. The doctor never returned my phone calls.

Then getting insurance for the medications that cost 1000+ per month wasn't really fun either. The medications themselves are poison. Which change your body's natural chemistry. So the wonderful beautiful person that you are today, with the glow in your cheeks and the smile on your face turn out to be in six months to a year's time to be a skeleton looking back at you. A face that you swear changes everyday because of the medications. You look in the mirror and bam where are my cheeks. Where has my face gone. And just who would want to love you then? It's not like you can pick up on anyone. Or just do some casual dating. What do you say to the your date? Hey guess what I'm HIV+. Don't think that they will like you for very long.
Not that you'd want to because unlike some of the HIV+ people out there. This disease stops with ME!!!!

Now me, I still have my looks for now. I rebuilt the body. But the loneliess, the dispare and the dark angel of death are still there keeping me company. Oh yeah, one thing I had forgotten. Your friends. Who you love with all your heart. Who you have done things with for maybe 10 years.
Well your friends are not your friends anymore. They don't call you, they don't want to talk to you. They are scared of you and if anyone else finds out they can't be associated with you. So Kira that's what it's like. i didn't get into to what your body feels like all the time. I'll let someone else ramble on with that. But on the lighter side. I did take a chance, I was at a bar and I couldn't take my eyes off the bartender. He had great eyes. He started buying me shots and paid me quite a bit of attention. I had left and he gave me his number I never called. A couple months later. I went back and he wanted to give me a kiss when I was going to leave. I said that I couldn't and walked away. the next time I went there he demanded a kiss and I couldn't leave without one. Well then I had to tell him because I wanted to kiss someone again too. Hell it''s been a year since I had. I told him about me. And you know what? He gave me the best kiss I could ever ask for. And that he wasn't scared. If I die tommorow I'll always remember that not all people are bad, and some people are angels working as bartenders.....
Mgdlvr



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BubblyGirl
Unregistered

Re: wut is it like? new
      #119375 - 12/04/04 08:45 PM

Hi Kira,
I am 20 years old and have been HIV positive for a year and a half. The first year was very rough and I admit I tried to kill myself a time or two. I drank and was trying to speed the process I suppose. But then, I met alot of great people via the internet who were positive and have been so for 10-15 years. I then realized I had alot of life left. I read alot about the disease and educated myself. Since adopting this new idea about myself and my future, my health has improved a ton. I have met a wonderful man who I am now engaged to, we live together. We are going to try to start a family soon. I work full time. I feel GREAT. So, you tell me, whats there not to live for?

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